So Many Possibilities
Some stories just write their own by-lines. Here's a perfect example. This dude, er, got off from charges of "fifth-degree criminal sexual conduct and fifth-degree attempted criminal sexual conduct" for . . . wait for it . . . ejaculating into a co-worker's coffee.
It gets better! The judge had to throw out the complaint . . . why? Because there was no law against what he did.
He could have been charged with criminal sexual conduct if he had ejaculated on her directly. But not for ejaculating on her desk - or into the coffee that she later, unknowingly, drank. And so the New Brighton City Attorney had to resort to a lesser charge.
And the Minnesota lawmakers are still debating whether it should be illegal.
Under the bill -- debated in late March but sent back to committee -- placing bodily fluids in a substance intended for human consumption would be a misdemeanor.
It would become a felony if someone ingests it without knowledge of the adulteration, with escalating penalties if it's done for sexual gratification or if the victim is a child.
(Didja notice the emboldened WTF?)
And I'll just close with a sentence too perfect for mere jokes.
In some ways the creepiest part of the whole story is that Lind, the awkward ejaculator, says he did it not to harass Maahs, but because he was attracted to her, and evidently this was the best way he could think of to express his interest.
It gets better! The judge had to throw out the complaint . . . why? Because there was no law against what he did.
He could have been charged with criminal sexual conduct if he had ejaculated on her directly. But not for ejaculating on her desk - or into the coffee that she later, unknowingly, drank. And so the New Brighton City Attorney had to resort to a lesser charge.
And the Minnesota lawmakers are still debating whether it should be illegal.
Under the bill -- debated in late March but sent back to committee -- placing bodily fluids in a substance intended for human consumption would be a misdemeanor.
It would become a felony if someone ingests it without knowledge of the adulteration, with escalating penalties if it's done for sexual gratification or if the victim is a child.
(Didja notice the emboldened WTF?)
And I'll just close with a sentence too perfect for mere jokes.
In some ways the creepiest part of the whole story is that Lind, the awkward ejaculator, says he did it not to harass Maahs, but because he was attracted to her, and evidently this was the best way he could think of to express his interest.