For Ryan.
ConfiDante (for those that aren't aware, this is based on the character from the Devil May Cry games)
to: ConfiDante@badassadvice.com
from: tehpwnerer38821@gmail.com
Dear Dante,
at school i am pretty unpopular. y'know the kid that dresses badly and is constantly bullied? well, that's me. i'm looking for advice on how to counteract this. i think life would be much less unpleasant if i were bullied less and dressed better. have i touched on the fact girls act as if i didn't exist? if you could also give some advice for that, it'd be really neat.
sincerely,
Daniel Cummings
to: tehpwnerer38821@gmail.com
from: ConfiDante@badassadvice.com
Dear Daniel,
Your problem is a commonplace one, and I know exactly what you have to do to improve your situation. Firstly, do you own a pair of handguns? If not, it's imperative that you acquire them. Secondly, you need an unwisely large sword that's badass in appearance and name. Lastly, once you have accomplished those two things, you need to somehow procure an appropriately awesome outfit. I advise it to be one that prominently displays your bare chest. Upon completion, you will have compiled a definitive badass package. Arrive at school with everything with you. Immediately people will notice your improved attire, so that will dispose of your reputation as a bad dresser.
Next, climb on to the roof and make sure you have assembled a crowd comprised of your bullies and the girls who won't acknowledge you. Jump down and begin to rapidly fire both of your guns. If done dorrectly, your descent will have been slowed to the point landing will cause you no harm whatsoever. Your bullies will become intimidated and the girls will fall in love with your badassness. By now, you're probably wondering where the sword comes in. Its sole purpose was to be there and enhance the overall badass factor.
Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dante
to: ConfiDante@badassadvice.com
from: tehpwnerer38821@gmail.com
Dear Dante,
at school i am pretty unpopular. y'know the kid that dresses badly and is constantly bullied? well, that's me. i'm looking for advice on how to counteract this. i think life would be much less unpleasant if i were bullied less and dressed better. have i touched on the fact girls act as if i didn't exist? if you could also give some advice for that, it'd be really neat.
sincerely,
Daniel Cummings
to: tehpwnerer38821@gmail.com
from: ConfiDante@badassadvice.com
Dear Daniel,
Your problem is a commonplace one, and I know exactly what you have to do to improve your situation. Firstly, do you own a pair of handguns? If not, it's imperative that you acquire them. Secondly, you need an unwisely large sword that's badass in appearance and name. Lastly, once you have accomplished those two things, you need to somehow procure an appropriately awesome outfit. I advise it to be one that prominently displays your bare chest. Upon completion, you will have compiled a definitive badass package. Arrive at school with everything with you. Immediately people will notice your improved attire, so that will dispose of your reputation as a bad dresser.
Next, climb on to the roof and make sure you have assembled a crowd comprised of your bullies and the girls who won't acknowledge you. Jump down and begin to rapidly fire both of your guns. If done dorrectly, your descent will have been slowed to the point landing will cause you no harm whatsoever. Your bullies will become intimidated and the girls will fall in love with your badassness. By now, you're probably wondering where the sword comes in. Its sole purpose was to be there and enhance the overall badass factor.
Hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Dante