What's the Turning Point for Sorrow?
They were all gone. The crushing reality hit hard at the Houses of Healing where I was still trying to recover physically. They did not tell me how Father died and I wondered at that but my heart grieved nevertheless at the uncertainty of it all. Would it help now to know all the details of how he perished? The more important fact was that now I was alone and the Steward of Gondor Thinking about details made me worry and feel more despair, more than I already felt. The hollowless did not dissipate and my heart was heavy with sorrow.
The news of death and the siege hit me with such ferocity that I did not want to speak with anyone . What could anyone say to allay the hopelessness and despair ?
Many days and nights passed trying to heal in the Houses of Healing. I had to take it day by day, learning how to live again. Clean, eat, dress, listen to the healers and their remedies I had to take and repeat. My appetite waned at times; I was also in no mood for company that tried to accompany me. Did I have any choice? The road to recovery took some strength and willpower. Who would take care of me but myself? Would it be so easy without any support? Beregond and Bergil were there. I wondered how many of my fellow soldiers also were recovering or had perished. I wondered if others were as lucky as I was physically.
I had chosen life but did not anticipate it to be so lonely. However I knew I was not alone. It was a different type of alone that I had never felt before. Yes, there were those who cared so much about my well-being but poor Boromir and father and my soldiers who perished in the battle of the Causeway Forts. I could never bring them back.
I tried to seek others who needed healing to chase away the dark thoughts. Be careful of the Black Breath, Ioreth had said. She said I had suffered from it and needed to resist dark thoughts if I could help it. I tried to heed the advice but it was difficult though there were many friends who visited.
I was heartened by another hobbit who was also recovering . Merry played his part in the war and slew the Witch-king. I was amazed at that feat and also of his light personality and seemed to understand what I was going through and did not need me to say much. Inexplicably, his kind had given me hope through these dark uncertain times.
But, the turning point is meeting the White Lady of Rohan. I had never been a believer at love at first sight but this instance was it. If I had been called back to make a difference it was to heal this cold maiden of her hurts for we have walked in the same shadows and been called back by the same hand.
How lovely it was to behold her. The Warden had called me to her when she looked upon me forlornly, wishing to be released and also for a room that looked out in the East. She seemed to be in despair and her sadness moved me to not remember my own sorrow. There was no one that had moved me so much. So I tried to learn as much as I can about her. And in the five days that we were acquainted, I knew that I had to spend the rest of my life with her.
Hope was what I saw. A feeling I hadn’t felt for a long time. What hope did we have to win this war? But from my convalescence in the Houses of Healing, I had been saved by the future King, was reacquainted with Pippin, Merry, and now Eowyn and it could not be coincidence that this was not in Eru’s intention that I keep the hope instead.
Our hope had all followed the King and all his men to give Frodo another chance to destroy the Ring; distracting the Dark Lord to what really mattered. Our hearts were fearful but we had to keep the hope. We looked out for tidings that did not come.
And then in those days of waiting, my perception of Eowyn became even more clear. She exudes loveliness and I could not help but feel like she would be queenly in my mother’s blue mantle; therefore I asked for it to be sent for. She took it gratefully but she was still doubtful of me and I had to make her see my intentions were real. Time could only show her that I wanted to make her mine. I could tell her at that moment because we did not know what outcome there would be. Rather perish together than alone.
Time stopped and I did not hear anything in the land. It seemed that all creatures and air had stopped to wait for the final blow. I did not know that our hands had touched so gently and slowly.
I chose to share with her that this reminded me of Numenor. She made me think that this was not the Darkness that was threatening to come. Instead my heart felt light and in that hour, I did not think that the darkness would endure.
“Eowyn, Eowyn White Lady of Rohan, in this hours I do not believe that any darkness will endure. And I gently kissed her on the brow.
And yes, there was finally a hopeful and cheerful sign that the Shadow had indeed departed and everyone started to sing. We saw the Eagles flying and we knew that the Dark Lord had fallen.
How hopeful and how beautiful was that moment as Eowyn and I embraced each other and we sang with the people who were rejoicing at the victory.
~fin~
(posted on Dreamwidth but wanted a copy in here...my one off i had to start writing on my phone ;)