Third Time's the Charm: A Review of GoF
Ok, by now I've seen 'Goblet of Fire' not one--not two--but *three* whopping times! As I kept repeating to my poor, dear JG--whom I have no idea how she puts up with me, on our second time 'round--'I love this movie, I *love* this movie!' Indeed, I do love this movie. Of the films so far, I feel that this is the one with the most depth (*cough*Columbus*cough*), coherence (*cough*Cuaron*cough*), and sensitivity. It's fresh, while still being true to canon (aside from a few canon hiccups I'm willing to overlook for the sake of the whole...). The usual suspects are brilliant: the cast, the affects, the screenwriting (Kloves really is genius in this one). The fact that this is hands down my favourite of the films is especially remarkable considering that this is not my favourite book in the series.
Anyway, behind the cut is my review (kinda--I didn't have the energy to write a formal review, so I made a series of top-3 lists for my picks in various categories of achievement in the film)...
Top 3 Totally Brilliant Scenes
1. Snape in the closet with Igor, then Harry--double entendres and all (Behold: Metatron!Snape--a new but happily canon-friendly take--squeeeeeeeeee!)
2. Neville witnessing the Cruciatus (More than when Cedric died, this made me want to sob my eyes out... which I didn't, of course, but wanting to counts, right?)
3. Rita with the 'charismatic quartet' (A wee bit pervy with the 'mere boy of 12,' but perfectly acted)
Top 3 Totally Brilliant Performances
1. Rupert Grint (Random, I know, but I *really* think he's the most talented of all the kids; plus, I don't particularly like canon!Ron, but Rupert makes me like film!Ron--check out his evolution over the films; he's really come into his own over the years--especially in this movie. He's the most believable of all the kids and actually shows a diverse range of emotions here.)
2. Miranda Richardson (I *never* thought anyone would truly bring Rita to life like this!)
3. The Phelps twins (Red-haired men with exceptional senses of humour have been hitherto highly underrated.)
Honorable Mention: Alan Rickman (Did you seriously expect me to say anyone else?! He'd have made top 3, but there was--regretfully--so little of him... as usual. *mumbles something incoherent about short-sighted screenwriting and shallow, Gryffindor-supporting lemmings who wouldn't know a genius character if he walked up and spilled Veritaserum in their morning pumpkin juice*)
Top 3 Thank-God-They-Did-It-Differently Scenes
1. Sirius-in-the-cave becomes Sirius-in-the-ashes (We'll ignore the fact that this totally bastardizes canon and just be grateful that we didn't have to sit through a tedious, ridiculous scene with Sirius in a cave near Hogsmeade... The way I look at it, the less Sirius the better.)
2. Quidditch World Cup (Goodbye tedious quidditch details, hello cheap shots at Ron's sexual preferences... At least it made me laugh.)
3. The Maze (Because sphinxes in Scotland just don't make sense...)
Top 3 Still-Scratching-My-Head-About-Why-They-Did-This Scenes
1. The score (Not a scene, but yeah... The music just blew. I'm not afraid to say it: bring back John Williams... please... *lights votive candle*)
2. Dumbledore accosting Harry after selection of the champions (Dude needs lithium; sorry--there's just no way around it. No offense to Michael Gambon, of course, whom I very much enjoy in the role, as I think he adds the sassiness that is part of canon! Dumbledore.)
3. Filch running into the Great Hall (I hereby propose the beginning of a new organisation: SSSTAF--Society to Stop the Senseless Torment of Argus Filch.)
Top 3 Sexay Scenes
1. Anything with Snape (OK, I know that's cheating a bit, as he's in more than one scene, but still...!)
2. The entrance of the Durmstrang boys (Are you *suuuuuuuure* Durmstrang is an all-boys' school? *bats eyes innocently*)
3. Voldemort touching his new body after being reborn (Dude, he's *naked* under that robe--you realized that, right?)
Top 3 Ew! Scenes
1. Madam Maxine eating something nasty off Hagrid's beard (Is she an ape or a giant? after this, I'm having serious doubts!)
2. Voldemort affectionately stroking Petter Pettigrew's hair/face (I think even the most hard-core of slash fans had bleeding eyes after that.)
3. Ferret!Draco in Crabbe's (or is it Goyle's?) pants (If I were Draco, I'd never feel clean again.)
Honorable Mention: Moaning Myrtle trying to seduce Harry in the bathroom (Ummmmmmm... I *so* wouldn't be allowed to write this scene in a piece of fanfiction and then post it on many websites because of age restrictions with sexual encounters, so how the hell did it make it into the film?! Plus, ghost!sex... *cringes* I don't even want to go there on the logistics of that one.)
Top 3 Most Awkward Scenes
1. Hermione saying 'everything's going to change' in an attempt to have a meaningful, pseudo-intelligent conversation with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dum-Ass and Tweedle Dum only says 'Yes,' then all is all mysteriously peachy once more
2. Ron telling Harry to 'piss off' (Helloooooo, it's called *timing!*)
3. Peter calling Voldemort 'My Lord Voldemort' in the opening sequence (Not only did it come out completely unnaturally, but Peter never would've called him by his name in canon.)
Top 3 Canon Scenes I Wished They'd Kept
1. Snape going back to VOldemort on Dumbledore's orders (They left this out?! WTF, man?! Cutting out all this Snape stuff means someone's gonna have to do some *serious* back-peddaling in future movies.)
2. Snape's grey nightshirt (Snape+suggestions of nocturnal activities of any variety=instant joy. 'Nuff said.)
3. Snape blasting rose bushes at the Yule Ball (I *still* laugh out loud when I read that in the book!)
Plus, this just in: we have just received word that Beck's new website is totally kick arse. It is the *coolest* site I have ever seen. It is beautiful. If you do not agree, then you will be kidnapped by kilt-wearing aliens and brought to a galaxy far, far away where you shall be forced to eat nothing but spinach quiche and watch Britney Spears' truly abominable reality TV show in a continuous loop until you concede that Beck Hansen is indeed the greatest musician on the alternative scene today.