romancing the dead
So as Valentines day is coming up, I'm frantically trying to put plans together.
A few years ago, my family's beloved cat died, so I know I MUST pay a visit to my mom, perhaps with some tulips (as she every year would buy me tulips and chocolates, until her cat died). In my family holidays are cursed and blessed with events, for example: My mom was born on Canada's centennial, my aunt born on halloween, my sister's birthday often lands on the easter weekend (but I prefer to call her bday fiscal new year's eve), My uncle died on st. patricks day, my grandpa was born april fools day, then my family cat dying on valentines day, my cat (Beebe) died on may day. It seems that I'm the only person in the family who doesn't have a special day, but you never know, I might die on labor day or christmas ;)
Valentines day happens to be my favorite day of the year. Its not because of what it represents to society, but what it means to me. Although it is difficult to enjoy a day that other family members mourn on, I've always had this energetic burst around this time of year. Its when I feel the best, the cherry blossoms are blooming, spring is coming and winter is dying down. Not like I dislike winter, quite the contrary - cold days means less people, I hate people. But then, I don't like spring much, I mean, its great 'cause I get to start gardening again, but the warmth can get to be too much (especially if visiting London, ugh so warm). So I prefer the middle, the in-between winter and spring ... and that happens to be valentines day.
Now, I've always had something to do on this day. From attemping to have dinner downtown with Jared, and having NO success as every couple in greater Vancouver wants this exact same thing; to having cheesecake in north Vancouver with Eric after my cat died (I was still dating Jared, and was quite upset that my cat died but Jared didn't want to see me, so I went to Nvan with Eric for company and laughs, then ran into Jared's best friend Jeremy, and Jeremy tells Jared that I was on a date on Valentines day, then when Jared got mad at me I told him "my cat died, you weren't there for me, where else am I suppost to go?" I think this scenerio perfectly depicts our unbalanced relationship). I've spent many Valentines day's alone, with a good sappy movie, a long walk and a giant box of lindt chocolates. I've had my locker in highschool decorated by my then-boyfriend, Mike, with cheesy Valentines day cards, I've had homemade pumpkin pie made for me by another boyfriend, Allister. yet every year what I remember most is walking up East Hastings with my mom, buying tulips and looking at the floral shop on Kamloops street. I've learnt that although Valentines day is depicted as a day for lovers, that I've actually had a better time just trying to enjoy the day - to enjoy the change of the seasons. To be able to share that with someone, anyone. But lucky for me, Valentines day is now my anniversary with Tom ... along with the rest of society. Its a strange day for me, in every way.
But still, its a day for ME!
So the story is told, plans are being made. My gf's boyfriend seems to be absolutely clueless as to how to successfully celebrate valentines day, its a shame, and I really want to help (but my ethical egoist side is telling me not to interfere). But at the same time, how do you tell someone that something special is just special? I know, from experience, that a valentines day date - dinner and dessert - isn't special. If I was just taken out for dinner as though it were the "normal" thing to do on this fantastic day, I'd be really fucking dissapointed. Give me a picnic, give me star trek, give me a long walk, a funny drawing, a plant, ANYTHING, and I'd be pleased. Its really not the bigger picture that makes relationships successfully last, but those small things that others wouldn't think about. I mean, a dinner is so impersonal, but a home-cooked dinner - a home cooked favorite meal, is much more personal. I hate hearing "its the thought that counts" because its okaying poor choices when it comes to loved ones. The thought that someone needs to fufill these valentines day requirements isn't a very nice thought, but someone actually saying something inspiring, something beautiful, now thats a thought that counts! Perhaps we should all take a step back from what society expects from us, we should understand that valentines day is actually made for our capitalist society, its meant for us to $pend money. So just buying crap for me to prove your love, thats just lame. So very very lame. Because spending money means that you have no thoughts that count, no sense of specialness, no sense of creativity or imagination.
I, too, am struck with boring boyfriend syndrome now and then. But, thankfully, Tom was my best friend for so many years so we know how to entertain each other. However, I find that my lust for going out, to be able to do these random and creative things comes from having no boyfriend. When I was single, I would often spend time with my friends doing those things that I used to enjoy with a boyfriend. But the roles are reversed, now I'm taking my friends out as if they were my significant other. I think this is a very healthy way to build friendships. It also prevents me from being a boring person, to myself. It also helps my gf's from their case of boring boyfriend syndrome. Isn't thats what friends are for?
Either way, Valentines day for me, will always be special. Regardless of my relationship status. Its nice to celebrate love, but love is unique, and society keeps forgetting that. Now, people are expected to forget how unique their love is, how unique they are.