Bring me my longsword
Today I watched Romeo and Juliet, the one with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was a homework assignment. Okay, I only had to watch the last few scenes, but since I hadn't seen it before and it was on reserve at the library anyway, I figured why not. And I took notes - not because I had to, but because it's the sort of movie that just demands snarky commentary. Here, for your amusement, is a slightly more legible version of what I scribbled down.
I like the news report as the opening. Also, the timing of these first few scenes is good. Jarring, but clearly intentionally so.
Unfortunately, the "fray" at the gas station just reminds me of Zoolander. And that's not a good thing.
Is that Romeo writing poetry? And Leo is trying to be Shakespearean. It just makes me laugh. Of course, I laugh at Shakespeare's Romeo too...
I like the nurse.
...sequins. Those party outfits. Oh dear gods.
Juliet's wearing angel wings. That's subtle.
The Montague boys are wearing Viking outfits, which are...well, at least they're not sparkly.
Except for Mercutio, who is...actually, I can see Shakespeare's Mercutio in drag, although that particular outfit makes me embarrassed to be watching this in the library. And were they deliberately trying to make Mercutio seem in love with Romeo, or is that just me?
WTF is up with the drugs? I get it in the Queen Mab speech, but Romeo tripping out at the party? Huh? And what's up with the fish tank, anyway?
Okay, now Romeo's sneaking around outside Juliet's window. He's sneaking around right next to her. Is she really that oblivious? He's not actually being at all sneaky.
There's a lot of water in this movie - fish tanks, people falling in pools, etc. Did they actually have a reason for this, or did they just think it looked cool? I suspect the latter. Also, not that I have much experience, but it seems to me that snogging like that underwater would be a good way to drown.
Friar Laurence (Father Laurence? Whatever.) has a giant cross tattooed on his back, and is lecturing small boys about poisons. That's kind of freaky. And yet, I still think he's a pretty neat character.
On the billboards: "The Merchant of Verona Beach" and something about Prospero. Cute.
I actually really like the wedding scene. The singing works well, and the empty church is a very poignant image.
Benvolio's shirts make my eyes hurt, but I'm really starting to appreciate him. He seems like a decent guy.
The fight scene kind of works. Not quite, but kind of. Parts of it, at least. Maybe it needed another round of editing? As a side note, I don't actually mind the whole guns=swords thing.
That is, the fight scene kind of works until the music kicks up a few notches, and suddenly there's a storm. Shakespeare can pull off storms at key dramatic moments (see King Lear). People adapting Shakespeare, especially these people...not so much.
Amazing! Leo's displaying some believable emotion (after Mercutio dies, before he kills Tybalt). It's over the top, but still, worth noting.
There's another pool of water - Tybalt falls in it when he dies. I'm not entirely sure what this cinematic choice is supposed to signify.
Juliet's at some sort of altar in her house. Judging from the way it looks (excessive to the point of terrifying), I'm guessing she's a bit religious.
Antlers! Mr. Capulet has hunting trophies on the wall. This has nothing to do with anything, but apparently I found it worthy of writing down.
Romeo climbs out Juliet's window and falls in the pool yet again. I'm sure all this falling in pools is supposed to be deeply symbolic, but I can't for the life of me work out how. Nor do I particularly want to.
Friar Laurence is explaining how Juliet's "funeral" is going to work, while the events play out in the background. That's just cheesy.
Romeo in exile: a trailer park in a field somewhere, under a blazing sun. There are some nicely atmospheric shots here.
This is definitely just me, but when Juliet "dies," I can't help thinking of the Reduced Shakespeare Company's version.
Again, we get some emotion from Leo, when he thinks Juliet's dead. And more pretty atmospheric shots, with the sun behind him.
And now we get a series of cuts between scenes of the friar, the police, the post office, and Romeo. As in the beginning, the timing works surprisingly well. Just the right amount of chaos.
...okay, now it's all getting a bit much.
What is up with Romeo taking a hostage to get into the tomb? Logistically it works, but in terms of the story? No.
I like the contrast between the chaos outside, and the sudden silence and the shadows inside. Until Romeo walks out between two rows of neon crosses. But you know, this whole set-up actually works, contrasting the gaudy, over the top tomb with the love story going on.
The music needs to stop being an anvil. Please.
Now Romeo's the one being oblivious. He's holding her hand; can he not feel her fingers twitching? And now her eyes are open. Hellooooo, earth to Romeo! I'm supposed to believe he doesn't notice this?
The music stopped! Yay!
Good acting from Claire Danes after Romeo dies. One sob that echoes nicely in the (thankfully) silent tomb. The gunshot echoes nicely, too.
Oh no, the music's back, and now we're in flashback zone. Good grief, the movie's only two hours long. If you can't expect your audience to remember back that far, something is very, very wrong. This is just insulting my intelligence and trying to spoon-feed me the meaning of life the movie.
You tell 'em, Prince.
And the news report returns at the end. I'm not sure this one works as well as at the beginning, but it probably is the best way to wrap up the movie.
In conclusion: I'm not sure whether that was hilarious or horrifying, but I'm just going to stick to laughing at it.
I like the news report as the opening. Also, the timing of these first few scenes is good. Jarring, but clearly intentionally so.
Unfortunately, the "fray" at the gas station just reminds me of Zoolander. And that's not a good thing.
Is that Romeo writing poetry? And Leo is trying to be Shakespearean. It just makes me laugh. Of course, I laugh at Shakespeare's Romeo too...
I like the nurse.
...sequins. Those party outfits. Oh dear gods.
Juliet's wearing angel wings. That's subtle.
The Montague boys are wearing Viking outfits, which are...well, at least they're not sparkly.
Except for Mercutio, who is...actually, I can see Shakespeare's Mercutio in drag, although that particular outfit makes me embarrassed to be watching this in the library. And were they deliberately trying to make Mercutio seem in love with Romeo, or is that just me?
WTF is up with the drugs? I get it in the Queen Mab speech, but Romeo tripping out at the party? Huh? And what's up with the fish tank, anyway?
Okay, now Romeo's sneaking around outside Juliet's window. He's sneaking around right next to her. Is she really that oblivious? He's not actually being at all sneaky.
There's a lot of water in this movie - fish tanks, people falling in pools, etc. Did they actually have a reason for this, or did they just think it looked cool? I suspect the latter. Also, not that I have much experience, but it seems to me that snogging like that underwater would be a good way to drown.
Friar Laurence (Father Laurence? Whatever.) has a giant cross tattooed on his back, and is lecturing small boys about poisons. That's kind of freaky. And yet, I still think he's a pretty neat character.
On the billboards: "The Merchant of Verona Beach" and something about Prospero. Cute.
I actually really like the wedding scene. The singing works well, and the empty church is a very poignant image.
Benvolio's shirts make my eyes hurt, but I'm really starting to appreciate him. He seems like a decent guy.
The fight scene kind of works. Not quite, but kind of. Parts of it, at least. Maybe it needed another round of editing? As a side note, I don't actually mind the whole guns=swords thing.
That is, the fight scene kind of works until the music kicks up a few notches, and suddenly there's a storm. Shakespeare can pull off storms at key dramatic moments (see King Lear). People adapting Shakespeare, especially these people...not so much.
Amazing! Leo's displaying some believable emotion (after Mercutio dies, before he kills Tybalt). It's over the top, but still, worth noting.
There's another pool of water - Tybalt falls in it when he dies. I'm not entirely sure what this cinematic choice is supposed to signify.
Juliet's at some sort of altar in her house. Judging from the way it looks (excessive to the point of terrifying), I'm guessing she's a bit religious.
Antlers! Mr. Capulet has hunting trophies on the wall. This has nothing to do with anything, but apparently I found it worthy of writing down.
Romeo climbs out Juliet's window and falls in the pool yet again. I'm sure all this falling in pools is supposed to be deeply symbolic, but I can't for the life of me work out how. Nor do I particularly want to.
Friar Laurence is explaining how Juliet's "funeral" is going to work, while the events play out in the background. That's just cheesy.
Romeo in exile: a trailer park in a field somewhere, under a blazing sun. There are some nicely atmospheric shots here.
This is definitely just me, but when Juliet "dies," I can't help thinking of the Reduced Shakespeare Company's version.
Again, we get some emotion from Leo, when he thinks Juliet's dead. And more pretty atmospheric shots, with the sun behind him.
And now we get a series of cuts between scenes of the friar, the police, the post office, and Romeo. As in the beginning, the timing works surprisingly well. Just the right amount of chaos.
...okay, now it's all getting a bit much.
What is up with Romeo taking a hostage to get into the tomb? Logistically it works, but in terms of the story? No.
I like the contrast between the chaos outside, and the sudden silence and the shadows inside. Until Romeo walks out between two rows of neon crosses. But you know, this whole set-up actually works, contrasting the gaudy, over the top tomb with the love story going on.
The music needs to stop being an anvil. Please.
Now Romeo's the one being oblivious. He's holding her hand; can he not feel her fingers twitching? And now her eyes are open. Hellooooo, earth to Romeo! I'm supposed to believe he doesn't notice this?
The music stopped! Yay!
Good acting from Claire Danes after Romeo dies. One sob that echoes nicely in the (thankfully) silent tomb. The gunshot echoes nicely, too.
Oh no, the music's back, and now we're in flashback zone. Good grief, the movie's only two hours long. If you can't expect your audience to remember back that far, something is very, very wrong. This is just insulting my intelligence and trying to spoon-feed me the meaning of life the movie.
You tell 'em, Prince.
And the news report returns at the end. I'm not sure this one works as well as at the beginning, but it probably is the best way to wrap up the movie.
In conclusion: I'm not sure whether that was hilarious or horrifying, but I'm just going to stick to laughing at it.