the world owes me, so fuck you.
i can't fucking stand folk music. i'd rather be listening to gangsta rap. life sucks right now. something good needs to happen. there's so much on my mind between not knowing if i'm going to get into any colleges, moving in less than a month, getting ready for graduation and trying to figure out the whole guinea pig thing. there's nothing more nerve-wracking than having to sit and wait for the mail to come every day, only to find that there are no letters from colleges for you. i called the admissions office at concordia to find out a ballpark time that i'll be receiving a letter from them. about a month ago, they told me it would be three weeks. when i called today, they said i probably won't hear anything until mid to late may. it's so scary to not even know if i'm leaving for somewhere at the end of summer. when i went to concordia last year for a tour and met with a lady who worked for admissions, she looked at my transcript [which had my grades up to mid-year of junior year] and told me that i shouldn't have any problem getting in. since then, my grades have gotten even better than they were before, so one would assume that i'll be fine. even if i am, it's just so unsettling not to have that reassurance that you're in. if i don't get into any colleges, i'm cancelling my graduation party. what's there to celebrate? i finished high school, big fucking deal. i won't have much to look forward to in the near future. so there i'll be, with family members having flown here from across the continent and i'll be miserable. just not knowing makes me feel like a fuck up and a failure. i got what sounded like good news on monday when my therapist told me that my parents will let me get a guinea pig. i talked with my dad about it last night, and he said that he wanted to wait until i know what's going on for college because i'll be screwed if i can't find a place to live that'll allow me to have a pet. i don't think i'll have a problem, and the guinea pig isn't so i can have a friend to go to college with. it's for what's going on with me right now. i'm a fucking mess, and i'm at the point where i don't even have a problem admitting it now. i'm pretty sure things couldn't get much worse than they are, but maybe i'll be surprised. i hate feeling and sounding so negative, but i just feel like shit about myself, on the inside and the outside. i feel ugly. i never felt like this when i was in rhode island.