(no subject)
I had a lovely birthday, thank you. None of it quite as planned (well apart from the MeatLiquor bit but how could that possibly begin to go wrong?) but still, nice people were nice and there was food and drink and a bit of dancing and so many drinkies. (Including Sazerac)
Which brings me to the second last year of my 30s. Funny how all the things that were once important are now not so in the slightest...it's left me feeling a little half-finished. Like 'who am I anyway?' I had a real moment of that on Saturday, I had an hour to kill so I went to Selfridges and sprayed myself with Serge Lutens and gazed at pretty shiny things in Van Cleef & Arpels and remembered that 10 years ago these were things I did for fun all the time. Consuming my life away. It's nice not to be quite so materialistic. I still feel like I really haven't got what's me...I mean...yeah, the acting...yeah the directing....yeah the writing...but I still...they're none of them quite perfectly me. I know I'm a portmanteau person...but it's left me feeling a bit...oh...Vague. I don't even dress like me any more. Dressing up on Saturday felt weird. So so weird.
In two months time my play will be finished. Which is quite some thought, but yeah - it's now no longer such a big deal. Rehearsals continue competently, I am happy with my actorators, I have someone to do the graphics, I've almost got the music sorted (have a couple of meetings and phonecalls to do about that one) just need a lighting designer, some parachute silk, some costumes and a projector. If you know anyone with a projector that can be hooked up to a laptop, who wouldn't mind lending it to me for two weeks, do let me know.
I'm still a bit confused about what happens beyond that...and also about the fact that in a year's time I will be in a situation where my career doesn't need to involve silly money any more. I would like to be doing a thing where people go 'Yes! That's exactly what I imagined Sarah would do.' (me too, I hasten to add - I don't need the validation, more the doing a thing that suits me). I still do not know what that might be in the slightest.
So yes - soon there will be May. Normally I'd say that I know exactly how that will pan out, but I actually don't. Hell even this year to date has been a bit of a surprise so far.
Hmmmm...what next?
Which brings me to the second last year of my 30s. Funny how all the things that were once important are now not so in the slightest...it's left me feeling a little half-finished. Like 'who am I anyway?' I had a real moment of that on Saturday, I had an hour to kill so I went to Selfridges and sprayed myself with Serge Lutens and gazed at pretty shiny things in Van Cleef & Arpels and remembered that 10 years ago these were things I did for fun all the time. Consuming my life away. It's nice not to be quite so materialistic. I still feel like I really haven't got what's me...I mean...yeah, the acting...yeah the directing....yeah the writing...but I still...they're none of them quite perfectly me. I know I'm a portmanteau person...but it's left me feeling a bit...oh...Vague. I don't even dress like me any more. Dressing up on Saturday felt weird. So so weird.
In two months time my play will be finished. Which is quite some thought, but yeah - it's now no longer such a big deal. Rehearsals continue competently, I am happy with my actorators, I have someone to do the graphics, I've almost got the music sorted (have a couple of meetings and phonecalls to do about that one) just need a lighting designer, some parachute silk, some costumes and a projector. If you know anyone with a projector that can be hooked up to a laptop, who wouldn't mind lending it to me for two weeks, do let me know.
I'm still a bit confused about what happens beyond that...and also about the fact that in a year's time I will be in a situation where my career doesn't need to involve silly money any more. I would like to be doing a thing where people go 'Yes! That's exactly what I imagined Sarah would do.' (me too, I hasten to add - I don't need the validation, more the doing a thing that suits me). I still do not know what that might be in the slightest.
So yes - soon there will be May. Normally I'd say that I know exactly how that will pan out, but I actually don't. Hell even this year to date has been a bit of a surprise so far.
Hmmmm...what next?