Simply not having a wonderful Christmastime
Hiya...I wouldn't bother reading this as it's a self-indulgent whinge.
I'm reviewing the situation. I am this far from cancelling a couple of outstanding auditions/days work just cos I'm not feeling it at the moment. I know it's a touch of Ze Darkness and all I have to do is sit on my hands and wait for spring.
I am happiest when I am acting and thinking on my feet, I am unhappiest when I am not acting and having to trot out the same old same old. So I am miffed at the moment.
The way I can tell I'm in a blind rage about something is that Christmas seems to be about to pass me in a tinsel blur. It doesn’t really happen to me these days…no decorations at home - why would I? The carol concerts are all on the wrong days. The drink is putting me in a bad mood and not even going down all that easily or well so I'm turning down most invitations to chuck a few more back. I'm not really doing any Christmas shopping this year, because as far as I'm concerned, buying things is not the answer when you're clawing your way slowly back to solvency.
Don’t hate me, but I hate Christmas cards as I have nowhere to put them (srsly, homes without mantlepieces should be banned) and so they guiltily go from my mail box into the recycling bin - so please don't - I hate the faff of my external postbox anyway. And I think the world is collapsing under its own weight in junk so I won't be sending (m)any myself. Christmas is when I most resent living alone. Matt would always get the tree and I would always have Christmassy nibbles on the go of an evening. Back at the folks I would be buying a poinsettia for my ma around now and planning my morning of Christmas shopping in Bath and Stroud.
I just want cosy and home. I am homesick for a place I don’t have any more. Or maybe it's time to move into a place with carpets. Yeah. Carpets.
I probably need a good night's sleep, a good gym session and a proper tidy up. What a mardy whiny cow I am today. Buck up Heeno, you d*ck. It's basically cos I'm having a very bloaty/bad skin/hormonal week with little sleep, innit. I'd best get myself near some choristers and lay off the chocolate pronto.
I'm reviewing the situation. I am this far from cancelling a couple of outstanding auditions/days work just cos I'm not feeling it at the moment. I know it's a touch of Ze Darkness and all I have to do is sit on my hands and wait for spring.
I am happiest when I am acting and thinking on my feet, I am unhappiest when I am not acting and having to trot out the same old same old. So I am miffed at the moment.
The way I can tell I'm in a blind rage about something is that Christmas seems to be about to pass me in a tinsel blur. It doesn’t really happen to me these days…no decorations at home - why would I? The carol concerts are all on the wrong days. The drink is putting me in a bad mood and not even going down all that easily or well so I'm turning down most invitations to chuck a few more back. I'm not really doing any Christmas shopping this year, because as far as I'm concerned, buying things is not the answer when you're clawing your way slowly back to solvency.
Don’t hate me, but I hate Christmas cards as I have nowhere to put them (srsly, homes without mantlepieces should be banned) and so they guiltily go from my mail box into the recycling bin - so please don't - I hate the faff of my external postbox anyway. And I think the world is collapsing under its own weight in junk so I won't be sending (m)any myself. Christmas is when I most resent living alone. Matt would always get the tree and I would always have Christmassy nibbles on the go of an evening. Back at the folks I would be buying a poinsettia for my ma around now and planning my morning of Christmas shopping in Bath and Stroud.
I just want cosy and home. I am homesick for a place I don’t have any more. Or maybe it's time to move into a place with carpets. Yeah. Carpets.
I probably need a good night's sleep, a good gym session and a proper tidy up. What a mardy whiny cow I am today. Buck up Heeno, you d*ck. It's basically cos I'm having a very bloaty/bad skin/hormonal week with little sleep, innit. I'd best get myself near some choristers and lay off the chocolate pronto.