Um. Hi.
hm.
I actually thought I'd given this up.
I was having a conversation with a friend that I'd met 2? 3? years ago in Anarchy Online.
Realized it's been ages since I've had a conversation with anyone that meant anything to me from age 16 to roughly 22.
Considering I'm about 24, shortly, that's quite a long time.
I'm having difficulties expressing myself here. Everywhere, recently. My mind is constricted.
Mother had a house built to care for her parents. They each sold their houses and moved in here.
Tim and I had problems. I took it upon myself to move out without any real closure. We talked a little after I moved, then he completely avoided me. A small part of me is still bothered by this. But, I'm 98.9% over it.
When I moved, I moved in with mother. I told myself the reason was "To help her take care of her parents while I got myself together again." From there it went to "I'll stay here 'til they die, and then I'll move out." They're still alive.
And I hate myself for staying here. Every day with her gets worse. She makes me feel like I'm 17 again. Depression is back, in full swing. I don't see a real reason to get out of bed daily. I'm too apathetic to do anything about it.
When I help her, I feel like I'm doing her a favor and that she should thank me for feeding her parents every day.
She recently had a hysterectomy and the doctor cocked it up.. so I've had to change her stomach wound bandage every day for the past month or so. Was a giant gaping hole..now it's about healed up.
I hate what I've become. I'm quiet, joyless, and other negative descriptive words.
There are a few that I wish I still spoke to, from years ago. Problem is I don't have anything new to discuss, or share. I don't work, or get out.. so my conversations lack anything interesting for anyone that doesn't play the game I do.
"Oh, you have a job, friends, boyfriend and a life? Well I got a new level and some fancy new item."
I'm running out of stuff to 'share'. I'm well physically. And, obviously, still alive.
I actually thought I'd given this up.
I was having a conversation with a friend that I'd met 2? 3? years ago in Anarchy Online.
Realized it's been ages since I've had a conversation with anyone that meant anything to me from age 16 to roughly 22.
Considering I'm about 24, shortly, that's quite a long time.
I'm having difficulties expressing myself here. Everywhere, recently. My mind is constricted.
Mother had a house built to care for her parents. They each sold their houses and moved in here.
Tim and I had problems. I took it upon myself to move out without any real closure. We talked a little after I moved, then he completely avoided me. A small part of me is still bothered by this. But, I'm 98.9% over it.
When I moved, I moved in with mother. I told myself the reason was "To help her take care of her parents while I got myself together again." From there it went to "I'll stay here 'til they die, and then I'll move out." They're still alive.
And I hate myself for staying here. Every day with her gets worse. She makes me feel like I'm 17 again. Depression is back, in full swing. I don't see a real reason to get out of bed daily. I'm too apathetic to do anything about it.
When I help her, I feel like I'm doing her a favor and that she should thank me for feeding her parents every day.
She recently had a hysterectomy and the doctor cocked it up.. so I've had to change her stomach wound bandage every day for the past month or so. Was a giant gaping hole..now it's about healed up.
I hate what I've become. I'm quiet, joyless, and other negative descriptive words.
There are a few that I wish I still spoke to, from years ago. Problem is I don't have anything new to discuss, or share. I don't work, or get out.. so my conversations lack anything interesting for anyone that doesn't play the game I do.
"Oh, you have a job, friends, boyfriend and a life? Well I got a new level and some fancy new item."
I'm running out of stuff to 'share'. I'm well physically. And, obviously, still alive.