59

[perfectionfades]

...yeah. okay. I might really be at 60.

nothing like suddenly hating your best and most favorite class to make you realize that you miiiiiiiight not be totally okay anymore hahahahaha.

- - - - - - -

brush your teeth
make sure they're white

red bean colored lipstick -
don't bother with the
lip balm
or else the shade won't stick

you've been drinking
water
right?

(yes, coffee runs in your veins now
instead of blood,
but still,
drink water,
for your skin and your lips
so there are no cracks in the lip paint;
after all there should be
no chinks in the armor)

tie your hair -
you haven't run a brush through it
in ages -
and smooth down the tiny ones that stick up
with your headset

are you wearing pants?
nvm,
just don't stand up.

button your collar
up to the top most button,
and smooth the sleeves
down your arms;
make sure you look neat.

(if they ask "why
so buttoned up?",
why the length,
don't say "they hide the scars
and the trembling" -

my atoms keeps trembling
you see;
I think the building blocks of life
my life
are about to
london bridge or
ring around the rosy
whichever one's the one with
ashes and falling down
they'll worry,
or maybe they won't -
maybe they'll think you're kidding -
and you're not sure which is worse.)

10 seconds before class

smooth your fingers over your vermilion borders,
wipe away the stray reds

sit down, deep breath
camera on
mic on unmute.

smile.