Yus. >>
Title(s): Rules of Engagement (Part 2)
Author: julia_dreamer
Fandom(s): Naruto
Pairing(s): strange manItaShika, less-than-subtle hints of ShikaNeji
Length: 1349
Summary: "...it seemed to currently be his own twisted fate to meet Uchiha Itachi on dark roads outside of bars in out-of-the-way villages in Sand Country."
Note: If you want the porn, you'll have to write it. i can't. It hurts. D:
Disclaimer: I don’t own it. I don’t really want to think about what would happen if I did.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
It occurred to him that he didn’t really want to know why he was here again. It was enough that he had a hair tie this time, and a new pack of cigarettes, and it was quiet where he was in the dark near the door. If he got any closer, he’d be able to hear the noise of the bar and it’s occupants, and he was against finding out what sort of nonsense was going on in there right now, especially since he knew there was one person currently present that he really didn’t want to encounter again, or have anything to do with ever. But it seemed to currently be his own twisted fate to meet Uchiha Itachi on dark roads outside of bars in out-of-the-way villages in Sand Country.
Shikamaru had the feeling that Tsunade had sent them back here just to spite him. He also believed wholeheartedly that Temari found his subsequent assignment utterly hysterical, and was probably taping it. She’d send a copy to Ino, who’d share it with Sakura, who’d say something about it in front of Lee, who would then shout it all over the entire Village, and Neji would hear about it and never, ever speak to him again.
Contemplating his imminent social downfall was almost mildly interesting enough to distract him from how boring it was just standing here waiting for something to happen.
There weren’t even any clouds to look at. There hadn’t been, since they’d reached Sand. He was starting to see it as a sort of sign that bad things were coming his way, very quietly, wearing tight black leather pants.
Uhm. Where did that come from? He thought absently, flicking his cigarette against the wall. It sparked for a moment before fading to nothing. His mind was obviously betraying him.
But Itachi wasn’t wearing black tonight, he was wearing blue, and he had his hair down, and Shikamaru knew instantly that this had been a bad idea, and he should have refused and stayed in Konoha staring at the cloudy sky where there was only one mildly temperamental Uchiha to worry about, instead of this older, more violently sexual version. Itachi’s eyes were red and strange and he found he couldn’t look away.
“Did you reconsider, Nara?” he whispered inquisitively, and Shikamaru noticed suddenly how dangerously close the Uchiha was, even though he hadn’t been seconds before. That was just what he got for being distracted.
Warning lights again, and he was reminded forcibly of his laundry list of objectives. No sex with strange men.
Kami, but he wanted to uphold that one tonight.
“I don’t know. Death still on the menu?” he shot back, sounding much more self-assured than he currently felt. He finally managed to look away, pulling out another cigarette and sticking it in the corner of his mouth if only to have something solid to focus on. The match he lit fluttered a little even cupped in his palm, but the tobacco caught and he shook it out.
The Uchiha traitor was almost smiling. That was a terrifying thought. “Depends on whether or not you’re as good as you look.”
Where did he get these lines? Shikamaru could remember a hooker in Lightning Country who’d done a better job trying to convince him. But maybe it was the lack of inflection that made Itachi sound so cheap; although, if you took into account that he dressed like a male pin-up and looked like someone’s demented wet dream, maybe he didn’t really ever find the need to think of something better to say. People probably fell over themselves to sleep with him, when they didn’t know who he was. And for some of them, that knowledge would be an added bonus.
He was in such deep shit.
But Itachi took the choice away from him, because he’d already made the mistake of meeting the Akatsuki’s eyes, and Kami only knew how long he’d really been under the other’s sway.
~ * ~ * ~
Damage Report:
That was all it said at the top of the paper the Hokage had given him after he’d given her his report on the mission. Shikamaru snorted derisively and almost put his cigarette out. Fine, if they wanted his version, they could have it, but they weren’t getting details. He’d die before he gave them that.
Especially after the trouble he’d had to go through to get that damn tape away from Temari.
Inexplicable bruises: 3
All right, so he could explain them - he just didn’t want to. The one on his shin was self-explanatory, but the other two were in places he wasn’t disclosing to public knowledge, no matter how much the Hokage wanted to know for “medical reasons.”
Cuts/Scrapes: 1
He stubbed his cigarette out a bit more forcibly than he’d intended to after writing that one. Coming to with a kunai pressed to his throat was not an experience he wanted to repeat ever again. Lucky for him Itachi had decided that there were larger, more shark-like distractions for him to tend to, and flitted off.
Not that Itachi really “flitted” so much as “stalked,” or - when he had located his Akatsuki robe, which had mysteriously appeared on the back of a door - “vanished without a trace.” But Shikamaru preferred “flitted.” It soothed his ego.
Life Threatening Injuries: 2
Damn Uchiha. Stab wounds were not funny, no matter how amusing the traitor found them. And while technically, getting stabbed in the leg wasn’t a mortal injury, Ino had said it would probably kill him anyway, since he wouldn’t let her stitch it. Leave the actual doctor part for the medinin. Yes, she was competent, but he’d rather limp than let her at him with a needle.
And certainly, being made to believe that you had been completely gutted counted as a mortal injury, even if it was only in your head. Shikamaru would contest that if he had to. Let them bring Itachi in and prove it. That shit fucking hurt.
The Hokage wouldn’t get it, though. And Asuma would read this before he passed it in. Sighing, he fixed it to be at least slightly more accurate.
Life Threatening Injuries: 2 0
Shikamaru leaned back in his chair and stretched, yawning. He needed to sleep. He didn’t really want to, though. He fully intended to go sit by the gates until Neji got back from his mission. Then he’d sleep. Of course, Ino would probably stop him. She was like that, trying to make him be at least kind of a good ninja when he just wanted to be a lazy mess.
Sitting by the gates wasn’t bad; it was sort of like training. Maybe some day he’d get into some weird situation where he wouldn’t be able to sleep for a long while - this would be good practice. Besides, he wasn’t actually going to sleep if he stayed home, anyway. So what was the point?
Other: hearing still off
Things exploding near your head were another source of nothing fun at all. His head was still ringing. Someone would probably want to check that, despite his continued assertion that he’d be fine if they just left him the hell alone.
He reached into his pocket for another cigarette and found nothing. He frowned and opened the desk drawer, where he usually kept an extra pack. None. And while sometimes Neji could be counted on to supply one when he ran out, the Hyuuga kept them on his person, and only when they were both home. Growling in irritation, Shikamaru picked up the pen again.
Also I'm out of cigarettes again. I think that bears mentioning here.
Maybe Sensei would take pity on him. Not likely, but worth a shot. Anyway, he considered that “damage” worth reporting. He was turning into a chain smoker because they couldn’t think up any sane missions to send him on.
He dropped the pen and shrugged his vest back on, not bothering to zip it. No need to be uncomfortable and sitting by the gates, was there?
[A/N] Yup. Done. >>;
Author: julia_dreamer
Fandom(s): Naruto
Pairing(s): strange manItaShika, less-than-subtle hints of ShikaNeji
Length: 1349
Summary: "...it seemed to currently be his own twisted fate to meet Uchiha Itachi on dark roads outside of bars in out-of-the-way villages in Sand Country."
Note: If you want the porn, you'll have to write it. i can't. It hurts. D:
Disclaimer: I don’t own it. I don’t really want to think about what would happen if I did.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
It occurred to him that he didn’t really want to know why he was here again. It was enough that he had a hair tie this time, and a new pack of cigarettes, and it was quiet where he was in the dark near the door. If he got any closer, he’d be able to hear the noise of the bar and it’s occupants, and he was against finding out what sort of nonsense was going on in there right now, especially since he knew there was one person currently present that he really didn’t want to encounter again, or have anything to do with ever. But it seemed to currently be his own twisted fate to meet Uchiha Itachi on dark roads outside of bars in out-of-the-way villages in Sand Country.
Shikamaru had the feeling that Tsunade had sent them back here just to spite him. He also believed wholeheartedly that Temari found his subsequent assignment utterly hysterical, and was probably taping it. She’d send a copy to Ino, who’d share it with Sakura, who’d say something about it in front of Lee, who would then shout it all over the entire Village, and Neji would hear about it and never, ever speak to him again.
Contemplating his imminent social downfall was almost mildly interesting enough to distract him from how boring it was just standing here waiting for something to happen.
There weren’t even any clouds to look at. There hadn’t been, since they’d reached Sand. He was starting to see it as a sort of sign that bad things were coming his way, very quietly, wearing tight black leather pants.
Uhm. Where did that come from? He thought absently, flicking his cigarette against the wall. It sparked for a moment before fading to nothing. His mind was obviously betraying him.
But Itachi wasn’t wearing black tonight, he was wearing blue, and he had his hair down, and Shikamaru knew instantly that this had been a bad idea, and he should have refused and stayed in Konoha staring at the cloudy sky where there was only one mildly temperamental Uchiha to worry about, instead of this older, more violently sexual version. Itachi’s eyes were red and strange and he found he couldn’t look away.
“Did you reconsider, Nara?” he whispered inquisitively, and Shikamaru noticed suddenly how dangerously close the Uchiha was, even though he hadn’t been seconds before. That was just what he got for being distracted.
Warning lights again, and he was reminded forcibly of his laundry list of objectives. No sex with strange men.
Kami, but he wanted to uphold that one tonight.
“I don’t know. Death still on the menu?” he shot back, sounding much more self-assured than he currently felt. He finally managed to look away, pulling out another cigarette and sticking it in the corner of his mouth if only to have something solid to focus on. The match he lit fluttered a little even cupped in his palm, but the tobacco caught and he shook it out.
The Uchiha traitor was almost smiling. That was a terrifying thought. “Depends on whether or not you’re as good as you look.”
Where did he get these lines? Shikamaru could remember a hooker in Lightning Country who’d done a better job trying to convince him. But maybe it was the lack of inflection that made Itachi sound so cheap; although, if you took into account that he dressed like a male pin-up and looked like someone’s demented wet dream, maybe he didn’t really ever find the need to think of something better to say. People probably fell over themselves to sleep with him, when they didn’t know who he was. And for some of them, that knowledge would be an added bonus.
He was in such deep shit.
But Itachi took the choice away from him, because he’d already made the mistake of meeting the Akatsuki’s eyes, and Kami only knew how long he’d really been under the other’s sway.
~ * ~ * ~
Damage Report:
That was all it said at the top of the paper the Hokage had given him after he’d given her his report on the mission. Shikamaru snorted derisively and almost put his cigarette out. Fine, if they wanted his version, they could have it, but they weren’t getting details. He’d die before he gave them that.
Especially after the trouble he’d had to go through to get that damn tape away from Temari.
Inexplicable bruises: 3
All right, so he could explain them - he just didn’t want to. The one on his shin was self-explanatory, but the other two were in places he wasn’t disclosing to public knowledge, no matter how much the Hokage wanted to know for “medical reasons.”
Cuts/Scrapes: 1
He stubbed his cigarette out a bit more forcibly than he’d intended to after writing that one. Coming to with a kunai pressed to his throat was not an experience he wanted to repeat ever again. Lucky for him Itachi had decided that there were larger, more shark-like distractions for him to tend to, and flitted off.
Not that Itachi really “flitted” so much as “stalked,” or - when he had located his Akatsuki robe, which had mysteriously appeared on the back of a door - “vanished without a trace.” But Shikamaru preferred “flitted.” It soothed his ego.
Life Threatening Injuries: 2
Damn Uchiha. Stab wounds were not funny, no matter how amusing the traitor found them. And while technically, getting stabbed in the leg wasn’t a mortal injury, Ino had said it would probably kill him anyway, since he wouldn’t let her stitch it. Leave the actual doctor part for the medinin. Yes, she was competent, but he’d rather limp than let her at him with a needle.
And certainly, being made to believe that you had been completely gutted counted as a mortal injury, even if it was only in your head. Shikamaru would contest that if he had to. Let them bring Itachi in and prove it. That shit fucking hurt.
The Hokage wouldn’t get it, though. And Asuma would read this before he passed it in. Sighing, he fixed it to be at least slightly more accurate.
Life Threatening Injuries: 2 0
Shikamaru leaned back in his chair and stretched, yawning. He needed to sleep. He didn’t really want to, though. He fully intended to go sit by the gates until Neji got back from his mission. Then he’d sleep. Of course, Ino would probably stop him. She was like that, trying to make him be at least kind of a good ninja when he just wanted to be a lazy mess.
Sitting by the gates wasn’t bad; it was sort of like training. Maybe some day he’d get into some weird situation where he wouldn’t be able to sleep for a long while - this would be good practice. Besides, he wasn’t actually going to sleep if he stayed home, anyway. So what was the point?
Other: hearing still off
Things exploding near your head were another source of nothing fun at all. His head was still ringing. Someone would probably want to check that, despite his continued assertion that he’d be fine if they just left him the hell alone.
He reached into his pocket for another cigarette and found nothing. He frowned and opened the desk drawer, where he usually kept an extra pack. None. And while sometimes Neji could be counted on to supply one when he ran out, the Hyuuga kept them on his person, and only when they were both home. Growling in irritation, Shikamaru picked up the pen again.
Also I'm out of cigarettes again. I think that bears mentioning here.
Maybe Sensei would take pity on him. Not likely, but worth a shot. Anyway, he considered that “damage” worth reporting. He was turning into a chain smoker because they couldn’t think up any sane missions to send him on.
He dropped the pen and shrugged his vest back on, not bothering to zip it. No need to be uncomfortable and sitting by the gates, was there?
[A/N] Yup. Done. >>;