ughh

[perfectfantasy_]

this has been one of the worst weeks ever. by far. nothing even terrible happened to me..this feeling just overcomes me once in a while..actually all the time and i suddenly feel like nothing..it just takes me over and i feel like a differnt person..i snap at people and i just cry. all the time. catherine wasnt in school..shes like the only person in there who attempts to talk to me..so i just walked around the whole week in school. lunch was boring.because i just sit there and talk about nothing..with these people who arnt even my friends..just amber. i dont even like half of them..it sucks when you dont even like half the people you are around..and i know i act like my life is so bad..and its not that terrible..i have some pretty amazing friends..who like me for who i am. but you know once in a while i want the WHOLE package..just everything. everybody i know gets everything they want in life at least once in a while for a short time..and they feel happy..like nothing could go wrong. i havnt felt like that in a long time..i used to be so happy..jittery i just wanted to jump up and scream..now im just boring. a huge bore and thats probably why i sit home by myself on friday nights while everyone else has BEST friends with them at their house..at the movies..a best friend and a boyfriend..me. i dont have neither..i hate it. zachs gunna be leaving friday..i wont be able to take that. its gunna suck so fucking bad..hes like my only good guy friend..and classes wont be the same. especially freaking german. what am i gunna do now..ill sit by myself and when we do partner things in german. ill be by myself. ughh i hate this. why cant i for once be happy..when will it be my turn?
whatever. im done
bye..