Like a forever delayed sneeze.

[perfecterror]

I think my heart is breaking.
I feel so sad.
I have so much compassion inside of me.
And no place to display it.
I love him.
And I wish I could tell him.
I feel so weak.
Dumb almost.
I feel incapable.
Why couldnt he make this easy?
Why can't I tell him?
Why am I asking myself the same questions over and over again knowing perfectly well what the inescapable answer is?
He doesnt love me.
Why is that so hard to surpass?
I wish I could take everything back.
I wish I could start over.
I want to fall in love with him all over again.
But differently.
I want to be someone else to him.
Wouldnt it be nice... if those fairy tale/hollywood second chances.... actually existed?
The ones that dont turn out exactly the same the second time around.
Why do I turn into a picture when he's around?
Not even a painting.
A picture.
I know why.
Because he makes me weak at the knees.
And I know why I cant have him
Because I want him.
I wish I didnt have to make excuses.
Hollywood dreams play back and forth for hours.
and I could chase thoughts of him for days.
I feel like spilling all my secrets on the table.
I feel like bleaching the slate clean.
I want to sing to you.
And not worry about whether or not my voice is shaking.
Or whether or not to look you in the eye.
Because I'll know.
I'll know where to shift my weight.
How to stand.
Which side of your face is the softest.
I wish I had the courage to take on years of heartache for one perfect minute with you.

Perfect....
Whatever that means.

I'm sorry.