Wanna change the world? Nothings' gonna change, believe me.
So it seems that in recent times people from my past have been comming into my life more. Who is next i ask, i am almost afraid to find out.......
Its a weird feeling, because right around now i am better off than these people. And that seeing the people who once helped me are now helpless, makes me sad. And i dont really know what to do or feel about these people because one is letting me into their 'world' while the other is more selective and vague. I still am confused and concerned about that phone call, and for some reason it has my stomach in knots. Sadly phathetic voices make me want to cry, i want to cry for you. I want to help the people who have helped me.....isnt that what i am growing up to be? Yet is seems as it is not my place anymore. But what is my place, and why would people be contacing me if they didnt care as well? I feel stuck right now because so much is going on and there is such a mix of emotions and confusion w/ everyone. It seems that fitting in lately hasnt been going to well either... i guess its my attitude. But even in my house i am afraid to talk or comment on things because i fear being put down. Acceptance by my family has always been a huge issue for me, and now it is finally showing. Yet, i only wish this was going on only at home. I guess this is jsut a bad month for eveyrone.....Things are going by fast, and its at the point where no one is really letting anything sink in, and they go around living life w/o realy seeing and feeling it.....it makes no sense, but things are starting to catch up to me. And i really dont know how i feel about everything. Seems like well needed vacatinos are in order, but at the moment that is not possible. I want to stop growing up now, i want it to be over.
Good things_
I get to start taking yoga classes again next month
Our shitty songs for choir are now done and over w/
Tomorrow is Friday
I got that damn stand fixed
There is only one more week left till midterms. which means only a semester and a half left of the year
Its a weird feeling, because right around now i am better off than these people. And that seeing the people who once helped me are now helpless, makes me sad. And i dont really know what to do or feel about these people because one is letting me into their 'world' while the other is more selective and vague. I still am confused and concerned about that phone call, and for some reason it has my stomach in knots. Sadly phathetic voices make me want to cry, i want to cry for you. I want to help the people who have helped me.....isnt that what i am growing up to be? Yet is seems as it is not my place anymore. But what is my place, and why would people be contacing me if they didnt care as well? I feel stuck right now because so much is going on and there is such a mix of emotions and confusion w/ everyone. It seems that fitting in lately hasnt been going to well either... i guess its my attitude. But even in my house i am afraid to talk or comment on things because i fear being put down. Acceptance by my family has always been a huge issue for me, and now it is finally showing. Yet, i only wish this was going on only at home. I guess this is jsut a bad month for eveyrone.....Things are going by fast, and its at the point where no one is really letting anything sink in, and they go around living life w/o realy seeing and feeling it.....it makes no sense, but things are starting to catch up to me. And i really dont know how i feel about everything. Seems like well needed vacatinos are in order, but at the moment that is not possible. I want to stop growing up now, i want it to be over.
Good things_
I get to start taking yoga classes again next month
Our shitty songs for choir are now done and over w/
Tomorrow is Friday
I got that damn stand fixed
There is only one more week left till midterms. which means only a semester and a half left of the year