Ffffffffffffffffffffeelings
I haven't been doing so well this semester as last semester. Lately my mood has been swinging between violently crabby and violently depressed, and it's been a long way since I really felt like this. There's this creeping feeling of panic that's always bubbling under the surface, ready to make its' presence known at the drop of a hat in the form of sudden and hysterical tears, and I don't know how to make it go away.
I know that logically it's a combination of things, and certainly being perpetually sick in a foreign country where I can't get any decent medical advice or medication is definitely not helping the situation. I miss my friends from last semester too (but the new ones I've made this semester are equally awesome), and as my 10th month in Japan draws to a close and the day of departure grows ever closer I find myself bouncing at an impossible speed between being terribly homesick and dreading going home at all.
I'm incredibly stressed out with one of my classes, too. The kanji class I'm taking this semester is difficult to the point of unbelievability, and every exam we have I just do worse and worse, falling further and further behind. And then because I'm so ridiculously behind I get ridiculously unmotivated to work because I wonder what the point is, and then I fall further behind, and it's a vicious circle. At this point the possibility that I'll fail is high, and there's no extra credit. I don't know what to do and every time I think about this class I start wanting to have a panic attack or cry or both. It's ridiculous.
I similarly don't know what's going on between my boyfriend and I right now but like a winner I keep pushing it to the back of my mind so I don't have to deal with it.
I hate this, it's such a bad cycle. The first half of my year was so amazing and brilliant, it was the happiest I've been in a long time. But then I get depressed and because I get depressed I get unmotivated, and because I get unmotivated I fail at everything, and because I start failing at everything I get even more depressed ... it just goes round and around. It's impacting my relations with friends too; when I'm like this I'm incredibly volatile and self-conscious, keenly aware of my feelings of worthlessness and I act accordingly as you would expect of such an emotional state. Where did my confidence go?
I can't even stand to be around myself like this; how on Earth can others? I want to stop being that person.
That said, even if you didn't read all that, does anyone have any advice on how to A) pull yourself out of this cycle, B) make yourself feel temporarily happier because I'm at a loss man and even RP isn't quite cutting it right now because as soon as it's over I feel depressed again and C) regain motivation?
I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks.
I know that logically it's a combination of things, and certainly being perpetually sick in a foreign country where I can't get any decent medical advice or medication is definitely not helping the situation. I miss my friends from last semester too (but the new ones I've made this semester are equally awesome), and as my 10th month in Japan draws to a close and the day of departure grows ever closer I find myself bouncing at an impossible speed between being terribly homesick and dreading going home at all.
I'm incredibly stressed out with one of my classes, too. The kanji class I'm taking this semester is difficult to the point of unbelievability, and every exam we have I just do worse and worse, falling further and further behind. And then because I'm so ridiculously behind I get ridiculously unmotivated to work because I wonder what the point is, and then I fall further behind, and it's a vicious circle. At this point the possibility that I'll fail is high, and there's no extra credit. I don't know what to do and every time I think about this class I start wanting to have a panic attack or cry or both. It's ridiculous.
I similarly don't know what's going on between my boyfriend and I right now but like a winner I keep pushing it to the back of my mind so I don't have to deal with it.
I hate this, it's such a bad cycle. The first half of my year was so amazing and brilliant, it was the happiest I've been in a long time. But then I get depressed and because I get depressed I get unmotivated, and because I get unmotivated I fail at everything, and because I start failing at everything I get even more depressed ... it just goes round and around. It's impacting my relations with friends too; when I'm like this I'm incredibly volatile and self-conscious, keenly aware of my feelings of worthlessness and I act accordingly as you would expect of such an emotional state. Where did my confidence go?
I can't even stand to be around myself like this; how on Earth can others? I want to stop being that person.
That said, even if you didn't read all that, does anyone have any advice on how to A) pull yourself out of this cycle, B) make yourself feel temporarily happier because I'm at a loss man and even RP isn't quite cutting it right now because as soon as it's over I feel depressed again and C) regain motivation?
I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks.