イセエビは私の赤ん坊を食べた (A Lobster Ate My Baby)
Since moving to Japan I have longed for a handful of my favorite American restaurants to make an appearance in Okinawa. Cheesecake Factory would be one of them. Five Guys Burgers and Fries would most definitely be another. Of course it would be amazing if there were an IHOP nearby, but OHOP is close enough in quality that I'll gladly take it. And then there's Red Lobster. Red Lobster has been one of my faaaavorite places in the whole wide universe to go to since I first went there at the tender age of five. And while my favorite times of the year back then centered around my birthday and Christmas, as I got older I looked forward more to the time when Red Lobster would have their all you can eat shrimp special. I'm pretty sure the last time I was there I plopped down for a couple of hours with my friends and ate about 150 shrimp. It was a lot like that old episode of the Simpson's when Homer goes to the seafood restaurant and eats everything in sight.
Someone out there must have been reading my mind, because Red Lobster is finally here! However, don't let that exclamation mark fool you. After perusing the Japanese menu (I had no idea Red Lobster existed in other parts of Japan...totally could have gone in Tokyo last year) I've noticed some glaring omissions that have slapped me in the face like a proverbial reality check. This is Red Lobster for the Japanese, not the Red Lobster I grew up with. First thing's first: I don't see hide nor hair of the cheddar bay biscuits that have become a symbol of the restaurant back home. Seriously, me and my friends would go to Red Lobster solely to take those things home with us after our meals. I also haven't seen any fried shrimp. That's honestly the only thing I ever really got at Red Lobster...because I'm not the hugest fan of lobster. It's good, but not for what you pay for it. They do have popcorn shrimp but I'm a grown ass man and that isn't gonna cut it. Peeking at the drinks menu, I've seen a clear lack of Lobsteritas. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Like Jay-Z once sad, this can't be life.
Still, despite the fact that everything I liked about the place isn't there, I'm gonna visit anyway one day to see if anything else tickles my fancy. Other than the crab legs (which are expensive) and the lobsters (which is baller level expesive), everything on the menu is pretty cheap and they have free refills on soft drinks, including Pepsi. That's gotta count for something.