Alone
Just gave the pups a bath...sat around all day, contemplating in my mind why*Why,after how chill i've been with him..he thinks he has the right to do this to me*the right to make me feel so incredible and then wripp me to peices*Love isn't fair*Why do i have these illusions of what will become..of what he will feel when really all he feels is pleasure, for the moment we're together and then its back to being complete strangers except for our uncontrollable encounters and our physical needs to kiss and a little more when we're alone*It just makes you seem like you're in the dark...like no one will ever love you, just treat you like a barbie*that they only want on rare occasions. They could let you go, which would probably be for the best but feel the need to have u just incase the others melt...has he noticed that i'm not made of plastic like the rest? Or have i not told him that*You begin to sit alone alot and think..think about self worth and self value and if you have any at all, because its been taken from you for the tough chance for him to fall, which you know isn't going to happen but still...your willingness to please him is instoppable, you just can't say NO*Later on after its all done, you know that you did the wrong thing again..but its something that keeps him coming back for more* Why do i want him coming back for more?When really i have nothing more to give...i've given all that I can give, so why can't he leave me alone?*Why can't he find another gurl...their is plenty out there that would bow at his feet because i don't want to anymore*I bare my heart and he bares nothing but his stupid d***, i put my heart on the line everytime and as he stands there*he can't make a descison..one second its, yes i like you but i'm not ready*wait for me...and others its no, stupid b****, make up your mind!!Am i more to you then just your bitch*make it or break it*Its like a one way street that I'm on it, finally happy, accepting my lonelyness and those numbing feelings of him and then he jumps on the road for a little, then jumps off* its like what the fuck?!Is he lost..confused...or just?I am just, not making any sense at all*What am I? Who have i turned in to? the gurl that waits around for the abusive boyfriend...abusive in terms of playing me, hurting me mentally* and yes, the only thing to do is to get out...get out of this trap that i'm in* but how?I've fallen to defeat, surrendered to him...tryed to get over him and failed* its just too hard...his touch,irrisistable, and deadly.......