(no subject)
"It's time that I made things right for the first time, since the last time.
Let this moment of clarity lift this curse that has been cast upon me.
Appreciate the good times, but don't take the worst for granted.
Because you only get so many second chances."
Thursday night was an interesting night in the life of me. It was my dads birthday and he thought I forgot to wish him a happy birthday so he got mad at me on the phone which started to get me upset because I didn’t forget his birthday; I called him at home because I didn’t realize he was working all day. That was the first thing that got me upset.
I began to drink.
My mom called getting mad at me for not calling my dad to wish him a happy birthday and then proceeded to get angry with me because I never returned her phone call. Now, I know that I was making a bigger deal about this than necessary, but I had been drinking a little and that’s just what happens.
I don’t know what the thought process was that got me to where I needed up being, but we ended up talking about how nothing has changed since my senior year of high school. I still have low self-esteem and low confidence in myself. I still am nervous every single day of my life that for no apparent reason at all, my friends are just going to forget about me. I still feel that no matter how hard I try to do things right I cannot succeed.
The beginning of my senior year of high school is remembered as one of the lowest points in my life. Thoughts appeared in my head that I never wanted to think about again, but for some reason, they wont disappear.
I said in my last entry how I need a best friend, and I do, but the only thing that I need more than that is just someone who I can talk to; someone who doesn’t have an opinion one way or another. I talk to my mom more than anyone lately, and as fantastic as she is, she's always on my side and is convinced that things will get better if I just wait. But honestly, I've been waiting for three years; nothing has changed. I can’t really talk to my friends from home because they all have their own things to worry about. And now I can’t talk to anyone here because I cant trust anyone. I did make an appointment to talk to someone, though. We'll see how that goes.
Let this moment of clarity lift this curse that has been cast upon me.
Appreciate the good times, but don't take the worst for granted.
Because you only get so many second chances."
Thursday night was an interesting night in the life of me. It was my dads birthday and he thought I forgot to wish him a happy birthday so he got mad at me on the phone which started to get me upset because I didn’t forget his birthday; I called him at home because I didn’t realize he was working all day. That was the first thing that got me upset.
I began to drink.
My mom called getting mad at me for not calling my dad to wish him a happy birthday and then proceeded to get angry with me because I never returned her phone call. Now, I know that I was making a bigger deal about this than necessary, but I had been drinking a little and that’s just what happens.
I don’t know what the thought process was that got me to where I needed up being, but we ended up talking about how nothing has changed since my senior year of high school. I still have low self-esteem and low confidence in myself. I still am nervous every single day of my life that for no apparent reason at all, my friends are just going to forget about me. I still feel that no matter how hard I try to do things right I cannot succeed.
The beginning of my senior year of high school is remembered as one of the lowest points in my life. Thoughts appeared in my head that I never wanted to think about again, but for some reason, they wont disappear.
I said in my last entry how I need a best friend, and I do, but the only thing that I need more than that is just someone who I can talk to; someone who doesn’t have an opinion one way or another. I talk to my mom more than anyone lately, and as fantastic as she is, she's always on my side and is convinced that things will get better if I just wait. But honestly, I've been waiting for three years; nothing has changed. I can’t really talk to my friends from home because they all have their own things to worry about. And now I can’t talk to anyone here because I cant trust anyone. I did make an appointment to talk to someone, though. We'll see how that goes.