FIC: Impossible (21/30)
Title: Impossible
Author: perfect_pride
Pairing: Hermione/Bellatrix
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: It goes without saying that none of the Harry Potter world or its’ characters belong to me, unfortunately. Neither do the lyrics.
Warnings: Mental and physical abuse/torture.
Summary: Bellatrix abducts Hermione and keeps her prisoner, but an ancient magic threatens to change both their lives in ways they never thought were possible.
A/N: This fic begins during the summer months at the start of Deathly Hallows and complies with the events throughout the book. The timeline has been slightly adjusted at the start but it is barely noticeable. It takes into account events from the books and the films, but mainly the books as they are my favourite and provide greater detail. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (film) wasn’t considered as I wrote this beforehand and I feel like the scenes I have written and slotted into the book version work better. I hope that makes sense, if not, please ask. Also, I have tried to keep the characters in-character despite the unlikely pairing. Feedback is welcome. :)
(1), (2) , (3a), (3b) , ( 4), ( 5) , (6), (7), (8), ( 9), (10), ( 11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20)
**
Why does love always feel like a battlefield?
Jordin Sparks, Battlefield**
21.
For a wearisome hour, Hermione had hovered at the bottom of the stairs with Ron and Harry underneath the Invisibility Cloak. They waited without speaking, having some much needed silent time whilst Kingsley spoke to Bellatrix alone. Eventually however, Ron and Harry had grown tired of waiting, and they retired to the Gryffindor dormitory room where they used to sleep. They had no doubt asked Kreacher for food at some point judging by the growling noises coming from Ron’s stomach, but Hermione was far too nervous to even consider eating something as little as a snack. She couldn’t bear to do anything except wait with trepidation; therefore she had hidden herself behind a statue, as Harry had taken his Invisibility Cloak with him, and she wanted to avoid awkward questions about Bellatrix from anyone that had witnessed them together during the battle. Unfortunately, the castle was still busy, and so Hermione had to remain as quiet as possible due to the people wandering around crying for lost loved ones, and rejoicing the defeat of Voldemort.
When Hermione was eventually allowed back into the office yet another hour later, Kingsley explained that in her absence earlier whilst she had been locating Bellatrix, Harry had told him of the Horcruxes Voldemort created, and in turn he had informed Bellatrix, who had simply nodded and accepted the information. Hermione was surprised at this; she had been sure that even Bellatrix would be shocked to learn that her Lord had managed to split his soul into seven, but evidently that was not the case.
However, most importantly, Hermione assumed that Bellatrix had passed the Veritaserum test, as she was sitting unrestrained, with Kingsley casually facing her from behind the giant desk in the centre of the room. There was a slight tension in the room, but nothing too unbearable like Hermione had imagined there would be. Bellatrix seemed more wound up than Kingsley judging from her stiffened position sat on the chair, but Hermione knew she couldn’t expect miracles. For a moment, she wondered what Kingsley had spoken to Bellatrix about specifically, but knew it wasn’t her place to ask exactly what conversation had taken place over the past couple of hours.
Kingsley directed Hermione towards the empty seat next to Bellatrix, and dutifully, she did as she was told and sat there. She attempted to send Bellatix a reassuring smile despite the animosity between them since the Battle had ended, but Bellatrix sat rigidly still, ignoring her and faced forwards, looking at Kingsley.
“To sum things up, I think that all things considered, I will push for your pardon, Madam Lestrange,” he told her. “Hopefully there won’t even be the need for a trial as should I be made Minister on a permanent basis, that’s a system I will be looking to reform entirely anyway.”
“For the hundredth time, Madam Black,” Bellatrix said, snarky as ever, and not at all concerned with anything Kingsley had said, or bothering to show gratitude.
Kingsley quirked his head. “Fine, Madam Black,” he said shortly. “However, I would advise being more concerned with other matters, such as the way others react to you. I wouldn’t expect a favourable reaction from them, despite your actions here this evening.” He gave Hermione a look that she chose to interpret as you too.
“Does this mean I can go?” Bellatrix asked. “I’m bored.”
Hermione assumed that the Veritaserum was still having a profound effect on Bellatrix, because even by her usual standards, the statement was extremely childish. She seemed so cold and uncaring that it shocked Hermione, and made her feel like she was once more faced with Bellatrix the Death Eater rather than Bellatrix her lover. It would be silly of her to become upset by anything mean that Bellatrix said whilst under the influence of such a potion, but at the same time she was highly aware that anything Bellatrix declared now would be of the utmost truth.
“For the moment,” Kingsley replied in a low voice, completely disregarding Bellatrix’s attitude. Hermione supposed he was too relieved by Voldemort’s defeat to be concerned with punishing Bellatrix for her sarcasm and immaturity, now that she was no apparent danger. “I don’t believe hospital treatment will be necessary, though it’s something a Soul-Healer may think differently about at a later stage. In my opinion you will be able to receive treatment within the wizarding community which will allow you to go about your life as normally as possible, but I am no expert. One thing that will most definitely be done, however, is that a contract of expectations will be drawn up, which you will be required to sign and abide by. After I have fully consulted the Wizengamot I shall be in touch, but at the moment there is no Wizengamot, as such, so it shall have to wait for the time being.”
Bellatrix shrugged. “Fine.” She stood. “You can contact me at Malfoy Manor or Black Manor.”
Her statement caused Hermione to wonder what Bellatrix’s plans were regarding sleeping arrangements. She knew that although there would be a place in her old dormitory for her to sleep, she didn’t really want to part from Bellatrix. However, if Bellatrix intended to go to Malfoy Manor to see Narcissa, there was little chance that she would be invited. Even if she was, what would Narcissa’s reaction be? Not to mention Draco! After the Battle she wasn’t sure that she had the energy to deal with more confrontation and arguments.
“Bellatrix.”
Hermione turned at the same time as Bellatrix, drawn over to Dumbledore’s portrait. He was beckoning Bellatrix over in his direction, evidently wanting to speak with her. Somewhat reluctantly, Bellatrix moved towards him, Hermione following close behind. She assumed that whatever Dumbledore had to say to Bellatrix, he wouldn’t mind saying in front of her.
“Albus,” Bellatrix said, false happiness ringing in her tone. “Something to say?”
“Oh, not much,” Dumbledore said airily. “I merely wanted to point out a few things that you should probably be aware of.”
Bellatrix raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“I do not expect any sort of apology from you regarding your actions before my death,” Dumbledore said, almost certainly referring to the Unbreakable Vow she had cajoled Snape to take, and her goading of Draco at the scene of Dumbledore’s death.
“Good,” Bellatrix snarled, demeanour changing. “Because you won’t get one.”
Dumbledore inclined his head, watching Bellatrix with piercing blue eyes behind spectacles. “However, I do expect that you will treat Miss Granger with the respect that she deserves. Considering the choices you have made, you no doubt care for her very deeply, but you should be aware that if anything were to happen to the very talented witch in front of me, her friends would be most displeased. They would no doubt seek vengeance if this is a lie or a ploy of some sort.”
Hermione was touched at Dumbledore’s words, and that his only concern was for her rather than an apology for himself. Had Dumbledore the man been standing in front of her instead of the portrait, he would probably have ensured personally that Bellatrix was telling the truth, but as it was, he was doing the best that he could in the circumstances. And he was right anyhow; Harry and Ron would make it their mission in life to get revenge on Bellatrix if she ever hurt Hermione, or went back on her word to abandon her Death Eater lifestyle.
“Why would I lie? Why would I falsify memories or resist the effects of truth serum when I have never renounced my Lord before?” Bellatrix asked with a sneer. “Why would I, here at the most crucial time, not reveal my true reasoning? This is as genuine and real as it will ever be. Not that it’s any of your business!”
“In that case, then we have nothing to worry about,” Dumbledore said simply. “All will be well for you and Miss Granger.”
Bellatrix leant in towards Dumbledore, an intimidating look on her face that made Hermione shiver even though the look wasn’t aimed at her. “How is it that even though you’re dead, you still manage to be entirely irritating in the same way as when you were alive?”
Instead of retaliating, Dumbledore simply looked amused, chin quivering underneath his white beard. “I see you haven’t lost your pleasant nature, Bellatrix.”
“We’re going now,” Bellatrix announced to Hermione, ignoring the last comment. Hermione supposed that even Bellatrix realised that blowing a hole through Dumbledore’s portrait would not particularly benefit her as she tried to persuade the Ministry that she was safe to be walking around in the wizarding world. “Come.”
Not particularly happy about the fact that Bellatrix was telling her what to do, (especially in front of Dumbledore, the other portraits and Kingsley) Hermione followed grudgingly, mouthing “thank you” at Dumbledore before leaving. She didn’t want to make a scene in front of the others, and she supposed that as Bellatrix was evidently incapable of acting like a polite adult, she would just have to tolerate her for the moment. Moreover, if the Veritaserum was still having an effect on Bellatrix, then she would be truthful when Hermione spoke to her, meaning that she was probably going to be more awful than she usually was considering everything about her life that had changed so drastically over the past few hours. Voldemort was dead, Rodolphus was dead, and she was going to be free (to a certain extent) once more. It was a lot for her to take in.
After leaving the office, Hermione walked alongside Bellatrix for a few metres before she realised that the corridors were finally starting to empty. Together, they walked through the near-destroyed doors of the castle, and out into the open air, away from the scene of the Battle. When there was absolutely nobody in sight, even in the distance, Hermione enquired, “Do you really not care about Dumbledore’s death?” Maybe it was wrong of her to ask, but she genuinely wanted to discover the truth whilst she had the chance to ask about how Bellatrix really felt.
“No,” said without hesitation was the short response she got.
“Harry was devastated when he died,” Hermione said, shocked at the callousness of Bellatrix.
Bellatrix stopped walking and grabbed Hermione’s arm, preventing her from moving too. “You know who I am and what I have done. I thought you were willing to accept that!”
“I thought you had changed at least a little,” Hermione said timidly. “And that you didn’t do half of what you’ve been reported to do anyway.”
“Changed? Hermione, I may not have committed the crimes that you previously hated me for, but I have done more than enough in other areas,” Bellatrix said, her voice devoid of emotion. “I rejoiced when Dumbledore died, and I have spent the past few years making it my mission in life to kill Harry Potter, and people such as the daughter of my dear sister, Andromeda. If you are under the misapprehension that I am innocent and misunderstood; you’re wrong. I have done unimaginable things.”
“So you want Harry dead? And even your own niece?” Hermione’s voice shook as she spoke, and she tried hard to stop herself from getting upset, even despite the fact that Tonks had already died.
“No,” Bellatrix denied. “Not anymore. But I don’t much care what happens to them either.”
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Hermione tried to stop them leaking by focusing on the anger within her chest. How dare she? After everything that Hermione had risked for Bellatrix, she believed it was ok to say things that she knew full well would upset her! There was no way that she could be so stupid as to think Hermione would be absolutely fine with her making such statements. Everyone had their breaking point, and Hermione was fast reaching hers. Feeling the rage pulse through her veins, Hermione abandoned all her efforts at tolerating Bellatrix, and shouted, “Well, good news for you... Tonks is already dead!”
“Rabastan, Rodolphus’s brother is dead too, according to Shacklebolt,” Bellatrix said conversationally, ignoring Hermione’s tone. “I can’t say I mind.”
“Well I don’t feel that way about Tonks!” Hermione screamed. “What is wrong with you, Bellatrix?! Do you have any idea how I feel right now? Imagine how it would have felt if you had lost Narcissa or Draco in the Battle! If it had been people you love that had died, do you really think I would tell you I don’t mind?” She wiped away the tears that were now freely falling, feeling like an idiot for crying yet again.
Amazingly, at the sight of her tears, the expression on Bellatrix’s face softened slightly, and she started to look panicked at the display of emotion. “Don’t... don’t do that. Please, Hermione, you know I don’t like it when you do that.”
“I c-can’t help it,” Hermione stammered, trying to compose herself and failing miserably.
“I am not trying to distress you, I’m just telling you the truth,” Bellatrix said desperately. “Just stop crying; I won’t allow you to be upset like this!”
“Your feelings are what upset me!” Hermione exclaimed, unable to believe the words that had just left Bellatrix’s beautifully cruel mouth. Starting to get a hold of herself, she added, “Tonks was my friend, and I’ll miss her. Harry is like a brother to me, and you should know how I would react if I lost him because of the way I behaved earlier on when I believed him to be dead. How are we ever going to work if you can’t even tolerate him?”
“Well I-I’ll be perfectly civil to your friends as long as they do me the same courtesy,” Bellatrix promised. “Is that good enough for you?”
Hermione shrugged, wiping away the few tears that had leaked from her eyes. “It’s going to have to be, isn’t it?”
Deep down, she hoped that over time Bellatrix would change her mind. She had already done the unthinkable; what Hermione had never imagined she would have the courage to do and betrayed Voldemort, the hardest thing of all. If she could do that, then who was to say she couldn’t form new opinions in the future? Her previous Master was never coming back because Harry, Ron and herself had personally seen to it that it was no longer possible. All the Horcruxes had been destroyed, and every last remaining fibre of Voldemort was never again going to taint the world with his lies, deceit and hatred. Whether Bellatrix liked it or not, things would be changing in the world, and no longer would she remain a powerful pure-blooded Death Eater Queen that reigned above all others. In the eyes of most of the wizarding world that was left, it was her who was the repulsive filth instead.
“You’re still sad, aren’t you?” Bellatrix said hesitantly, when Hermione didn’t add anything more.
“Yes, Bellatrix,” Hermione said quietly. “I’m still sad, as you put it.”
“Don’t be,” Bellatrix told her. She raised a hand and stroked her thumb underneath Hermione’s chin in a rare moment of affection. Her cheeks flushed as though she was embarrassed, but regardless of this, Bellatrix gently tipped Hermione’s head backwards, and joined their mouths together in a soft, emotion-filled kiss. Although it wouldn’t be obvious to outsiders, Hermione knew without a doubt that this was Bellatrix’s way of saying she was sorry for causing Hermione so much distress. It was the most tender kiss they had ever shared, and when they eventually parted, Hermione realised that Bellatrix’s arms were around her, holding her in a passionate embrace.
“Come; it is getting late, and we should be leaving,” Bellatrix said, and although it was an order and not a request, the voice she used was light and almost kind.
“Where are we going?” Hermione asked, anticipating and dreading the answer at the same time.
“To my home,” Bellatrix revealed. “I am not prepared to deal with Lucius this evening when I turn up with you, should he be at Malfoy Manor. Or my sister and nephew either, for that matter. I just want to be with you tonight, as utterly ridiculous as that may sound.”
Secretly, Hermione didn’t think it was ridiculous at all, but she knew she would never convince Bellatrix of this, and so she didn’t even try to. She simply felt relieved about not having to go to Malfoy Manor, and strangely happy that she would get to be with Bellatrix alone. Instead, she asked, “When will you tell them about us?”
“Soon,” Bellatrix informed her. “Now is not the time, however.”
Accepting that Bellatrix was right, Hermione tried to remain positive. All things considered, she should be feeling nothing but happiness right now, despite the losses she had suffered. Voldemort was dead, her two best friends were alive, Bellatrix had sacrificed her allegiance to Voldemort for the sake of being with her, and for the first time in years, the wizarding world was facing stability once more. Most importantly of all, when everything was sorted out and the last of the Death Eaters had been rounded up, Hermione would be able to track down her parents in Australia and hopefully give them back their memories.
It’s going to be ok.
**
September 1981
“You’re an idiot,” Bellatrix said. “How could you wish for me to ask the Dark Lord such a thing?!”
“You don’t understand,” Snape said, and there was desperation in his voice that Bellatrix had not heard before. It surprised her, to think of someone like Snape to be capable of showing such an emotion. It was unnatural, as far as she was concerned.
Ever since he had found out that the Dark Lord was going to kill the son of James and Lily Potter, Snape had been entirely out of character and completely restless. He hadn’t shown this in the presence of Voldemort, of course, but when with the other Death Eaters he just couldn’t seem to hide the fact that something was wrong. Now, alone with him, Bellatrix cursed the fact that she had agreed to such a meeting. What would be achieved from this? She now knew the previously undisclosed reason for his behaviour, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to him snivel for the hell of it. It was going to be extremely boring having to listen to him whine and repeat the same thing over and over and over and over...
“Please, Bellatrix! Just understand where I am coming from!”
“What don’t I comprehend, Snape? You have a desire for a dirty Mudblood; there is nothing else to understand. You’ll just have to learn to control your urges and find someone more worthy,” Bellatrix spat.
“Lily is... she’s not like that,” Snape said, and he watched Bellatrix with wide eyes, looking more human and emotional than she had ever seen him before. He looked pathetic. “She isn’t like the other Mudbloods.”
Bellatrix cackled at the absurd statement. “Of course she is? Why would she be any different?”
Undeterred, Snape continued to plead, “Please, Bella. Please. Speak to the Dark Lord; he may listen to you if...”
“I will do no such thing!” Bellatrix yelled, interrupting him. She was angry that Snape would even dare to ask such a thing in the first place, let alone the fact he should know that once Lord Voldemort was set on doing any one particular thing, nothing would deter him. Even if Bellatrix begged, charmed and whined on behalf of Snape, the Dark Lord would never even consider granting such a wish. Who was Lily Potter to him? She was just another Mudblood, ready and waiting for him to slaughter. It was simple. Snape would just have to come to terms with it. “And there is nothing I can do anyway,” she added.
“At least try,” Snape said, voice almost quivering, though his eyes were still fairly blank. “I beg of you Bellatrix; I will forever be in your debt.”
“Why?” Bellatrix asked. “Why is she so different?”
Snape paused for a second, considering what to answer, before slowly saying. “I love her.” His cheeks reddened as he confessed this, and his eyes faced the wall behind Bellatrix.
“You love her?” Bellatrix asked incredulously. She couldn’t actually believe what she was hearing. Snape was actually in love with a Mudblood? If it wasn’t so disgusting then it would be funny. At least if he just wanted to have sex with her it wouldn’t be so bad. But love? “Ugh. Please tell me you are joking.”
Snape vehemently shook his head, an expression of utmost seriousness on his face. “I’m not joking; it’s the truth.”
“You’re confusing love with infatuation,” Bellatrix scoffed. She really hoped that he hadn’t spouted all of this to the Dark Lord; he would think Snape utterly ridiculous, and probably even told him so. “Really, you just want to fuck her.”
“No,” Snape said firmly. “I know the difference. And if you had ever been in love, you would know too.”
**
Arriving back at the house she had once been imprisoned in was a strange experience for Hermione. There was no longer any need for her to hide or sneak in; she could just enter as Bellatrix’s guest, or whatever the sodding hell she was. After all, there was no way she would refer to herself as the girlfriend of Bellatrix quite yet, especially not before they had a chance to discuss it themselves. Moreover, there was so much for them to face at the moment that Hermione wasn’t even going to begin worrying about that for the next few weeks at the very least.
Immediately upon arriving, Bellatrix checked on Lemmy. As expected, Kreacher was nowhere to be seen, but he had left Lemmy tucked up in her small elf-sized bed in one of the backrooms, sleeping soundly, alive and apparently on the mend. Although Bellatrix didn’t voice her relief, the expression on her face said it all, and served to remind Hermione that Bellatrix was capable of showing compassion for elves, even despite the terrible act she had committed against Dobby.
It would have been unfair to wake Lemmy and order her to cook for them, and so instead, Hermione took it upon herself to make herself and Bellatrix some sandwiches. It was a strange first meal together as they ate in silence, not a single word spoken, but Hermione wasn’t too concerned considering that they had a lot to learn anyway about being together. Bellatrix finished eating before her and left Hermione alone in the kitchen, apparently assuming that she would automatically follow Bellatrix upstairs when she had finished. After using magic to was the used plates and cutlery, Hermione left the kitchen, vaguely remembering the way in the vast hallway. She walked slowly, taking the time to look at the decor, which she hadn’t had a chance to do before. The carpet in the hallway was a maroon shade, and the walls were panelled with the finest woods, varnished entirely. Portraits littered the halls, though none of them were currently moving, meaning that they may actually have just been normal paintings. Too tired to hang around to find out, Hermione walked along the upstairs landing and into the room she knew to be Bellatrix’s bedroom.
Sitting on the bed, Bellatrix was dressed in her nightgown, staring up at Hermione. “You took your time,” she said. “Did you get lost?”
Hermione shook her head. Wanting to keep the peace and not argue again, she apologised. “Sorry. I was in a world of my own.” Shutting the door behind her, she walked over to Bellatrix, and sat on the bed next to her. “This feels weird.”
Bellatrix gave a small sigh. “I know.”
Reaching out, Hermione was relieved when Bellatrix didn’t pull away from her touch. She rested a hand on Bellatrix’s, and as she looked down at her left arm, she noticed something. “Your Dark Mark... it’s faded so much that you can barely see it.”
“It happened after the Dark Lord’s death,” Bellatrix whispered. “I suppose that it means... he really is never coming back.”
“I suppose it does,” Hermione said carefully. She wasn’t sure she was able to cope with knowing Bellatrix’s feelings regarding this, and so she left it unquestioned. “It also means that we’re free to live our lives together.”
Bellatrix turned, surveying Hermione. “Yes.” She paused, lost in thought. Suddenly, she blurted out something entirely unexpected. “Snape loved a Muggle-born.”
“What?” Hermione said, not understanding.
“I didn’t believe him,” Bellatrix confessed. “He told me he loved her and I mocked him. He was telling the truth all along.” She had an amazed look on her face, as though she couldn’t quite believe her own words.
“You knew about his feelings for Harry’s mother?” Hermione asked curiously.
“Yes. He begged for my help, asked me to ask the Dark Lord to spare her. I refused at first, but eventually after he kept going on and on, I told the Dark Lord. Granted, I didn’t exactly try my best to get across Snape’s feelings, but I informed him of enough to allow Snape to approach him on his own.” She paused. “I don’t know even know why I did that.”
“At least you did something. It doesn’t matter, because you didn’t kill her, Bella,” Hermione said in an attempt to reassure the raven haired witch. It was clear that she felt guilt on some level, whether she was willing to admit to it or not. The similarities between Severus Snape and Lily Potter were strangely similar to the situation that Bellatrix and Hermione had found themselves in; although of course there were many differences as well, like Semper Amor and the fact the love was reciprocated. Still, Bellatrix now understood how desperate Snape must have felt to have approached her, and so Hermione realised that she regretted her actions, even if she didn’t explicitly say so aloud.
Intrinsically aware of exactly what Bellatrix needed at this moment in time, Hermione leant in towards the older woman, and placed a light kiss on her lips. She repeated this action over and over, until Bellatrix started to respond, deepening the kiss and winding her hands into Hermione’s hair. Their mouths clashed together, and unable to stop herself, Hermione gave a slight moan against Bellatrix, pushing closer. Bellatrix appeared to sense that she wanted more contact, because she pulled her onto her lap, now running her hands along Hermione’s sides, causing her to pant more heavily. Hermione felt like fireworks were exploding in her chest, flashing and bursting constantly and incessantly as Bellatrix grasped her, seemingly refusing to let go. To feel this way with Bellatrix was exactly what Hermione wanted for them, and for the first time, she felt truly and completely happy to be kissing Bellatrix. All other worries and fears could be placed to the side for the moment, because she was going to enjoy this whilst she could.
Bellatrix seemed to share this view too. “Off,” she murmured, encouraging Hermione to lift her arms into the air so that she could pull her clothing from her. She stared down, wide eyed, fixated on Hermione’s newly revealed body. “You’re skinny... too skinny.”
Hermione smiled. “You know, it’s partly your fault I’m like this.”
Bellatrix looked up, as she skimmed her lips along Hermione’s stomach, tracing the faint scars left by Sectumsempra, thanks to Rodolphus. “Only partly?”
“Well, I did live in fields and forests after leaving here,” Hermione said, observing Bellatrix. Noting that Bellatrix was entirely focused on the faded-to-pink lines on her stomach, she added apprehensively, “Do they bother you?”
“Your scars?” Bellatrix said, briefly glancing up. “No. I have enough myself. The only thing that bothers me is how they were caused.” She clenched her fists in anger.
“Rodolphus is dead now,” Hemione stated. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me,” Bellatrix said adamantly. She made a noise of frustration. “If I had just arrived a little earlier, then I could have prevented him from doing such a thing before the thought had even entered his head. I’m not sure these scars will ever disappear.”
Looking downcast, Hermione immediately began to feel self-conscious. Did this mean that Bellatrix didn’t find her as attractive? The scars may not be very clear, but what could be seen of them was most definitely ugly in Hermione’s book. Shifting, she made to grab the sheet. “I’ll cover them up.”
“No! No, don’t. I don’t mind them,” Bellatix informed her. Gently, she licked a trail along the left side of Hermione, pressing her tongue against the gaps formed in between each of her ribs. “But seeing as how I should have been the one to protect you, I suppose I’d better make it up to you, little babe...”
Oh. Really? So this is going to happen, Hermione thought. She hadn’t given much consideration to whether she and Bellatrix would progress to the next stage in their relationship, but it seemed that the other witch had, judging by the way she was removing each item of Hermione’s clothes from her. Although she could have protested, too nervous and not ready to do this, Hermione knew that Bellatrix wouldn’t understand. Just because she had never forced Hermione to perform sexual acts against her will, now that they had a mutual unspoken agreement to be together it would just be what Bellatrix expected.
As Bellatrix removed her bra, Hermione froze. This was the furthest she had ever gone with anyone; even Ron had only ever seen her with her clothes on. Granted, Bellatrix had already watched her have a bath, but that was different, if only because their relationship was non-existent at that point. It just felt like too much, too soon, and even though Hermione loved Bellatrix, she couldn’t feel entirely comfortable with her in this situation.
Even though Hermione had decided not to say anything, Bellatrix sensed her reluctance anyway. “What’s wrong?” she asked impatiently.
“Nothing,” Hermione said, keeping her tone as light as possible, though she overdid it slightly and ended up speaking in a high-pitched tone that was unfamiliar to her ears. Closing her eyes, she attempted to distract Bellatrix with another kiss, only for the raven haired woman to push her away, backwards onto the bed.
“Tell me what the problem is,” Bellatrix instructed her.
Remaining silent, Hermione avoided eye contact. The signs that this was going to turn into an argument were already here, and she didn’t want to encourage them further. It seemed, however, she would have to say something, as Bellatrix was still waiting for her to talk, and she could feel the older witch staring at her, waiting for her to speak. In an attempt at placating her, Hermione managed to say, “There’s no problem... I’m just nervous. I’ve never... you know... done this before.”
“You’ve never had sex?” Bellatrix said bluntly.
Hermione shook her head.
“What, ever?” Bellatrix said, sounding shocked. “With a male or female?”
“No,” Hermione reiterated. “Just because I’m of age, it doesn’t mean that I automatically went and jumped into bed with the first person I vaguely fancied. I’m not like that.”
She forced herself to look at Bellatrix, observing her reaction. The surprise was still evident in her expression, as well as something unidentifiable. There was none of the usual anger, frustration or irritation, which was a relief to behold, but other than that, Hermione couldn’t work out how Bellatrix felt. She seemed to be debating what she wanted to say to Hermione next, for she seemed unsure of how to respond to Hermione’s roundabout way of saying “I’m a virgin.”
Finally, Bellatrix said, “I suppose that after what you told me before, I assumed you had already lost your virginity.”
“You mean what I said to you in the bathroom... that day?” Hermione asked, awkwardly referring to the time that Bellatrix had cruelly only allowed her to take a cold bath. Trying to aggravate Bellatrix, she had implied that she wasn’t a virgin as she had already had sex with two pure-bloods. It was a complete lie, but at the time, Bellatrix had believed her, and the subject hadn’t come up since considering that there had been more important things like the fate of the wizarding world to worry about.
“Yes,” Bellatrix said, and now it was her who looked uncomfortable; perhaps at the reminder of her previous behaviour towards Hermione.
Hermione sighed. She was going to have to just tell Bellatrix the truth, no matter how humiliating it would feel. She simply wasn’t ready yet. “I was trying to wind you up, Bella. It’s true, there have been others who have wanted me to... you know. But I never have because I didn’t want to. Honestly, I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea right now. I want to be with you, and I think you’re beautiful, but I can’t. I’m sorry,” she said desperately.
“Why didn’t you say this before I started to undress you?” Bellatrix asked, and although there was irritation in her voice, she picked up the nightdress from underneath the pillow next to her, and helped Hermione to pull it over her head. More adequately dressed, Hermione pulled her own jeans off, tossing them to the floor. She would really need to shower in the morning, but for the moment, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Apparently, Bellatrix didn’t either, as she pulled Hermione onto her lap.
“I thought you’d be furious,” Hermione admitted, focusing on the conversation again.
“Remember what I said to you before?” Bellatrix said. As Hermione looked at her blankly, she elaborated, “I would never force you to have sex. The idea has never appealed to me in my life; do you really think I’m going to lie on top of you and just ignore the look of horror on your face? Especially considering the extent of what I have risked to have you here with me?”
“It didn’t bother you when you tortured me,” Hermione said. “The more I begged, the worse it became.”
Bellatrix groaned, rubbing her head in her hands as though she had a headache. “That was different. Rape is... well quite frankly it’s a vile, horrendous act to commit. I wouldn’t rape anyone, least of all you, little babe.”
Privately, Hermione thought that throwing the Cruciatus Curse at somebody just for the fun of it was also vile and horrendous, but then Bellatrix was the insane one out of the two of them. Instead, she said dryly, “I’m glad.”
Bellatrix missed the sarcasm, as she added, “Besides, it was a long time ago.”
“Not that long ago!” Hermione exclaimed, unable to stop herself from responding to that particular justification. “”It was less than a year ago!”
“Fine, whatever,” Bellatrix said dismissively, evidently not understanding why Hermione was protesting. “But even so, that is not what we are now. I haven’t locked you in a room or... or done anything this evening to make you think I am going to hurt you again.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t,” Hermione said, voicing her greatest fear for the first time. It was quite possible that if she goaded Bellatrix hard enough during a fight one day that the older witch would physically punish Hermione for it. Her life had resolved around torture, even before her imprisonment in Azkaban, and there were probably experiences that Hermione hadn’t even considered in her own head that Bellatrix had been through herself. Nobody became the person she was today without having some sort of damaged past. Even Voldemort himself had a seriously screwed up childhood. Ok, so he probably would have still turned out to be horrendously power mad obsessive psychopath even if he had a stable upbringing, but no one would ever know that for sure.
“Yes, I might,” Bellatrix agreed. “Especially if you don’t listen to me. But I will never, ever go as far as I have done in the past, even if I do slip up every now and then. You have to remember that I chose you, and all the risks I have taken have been for us. You should accept that much about me at the very least.”
Even despite Bellatrix’s implication that she would be in charge of their relationship, Hermione still felt heartened by her pointing out that she had been chosen over Voldemort. “I do,” she said gently.
“On the whole, I’m glad that you’re a virgin. Sex isn’t something that should be rushed into without serious thought,” Bellatrix continued. “You know, I would even agree to waiting until after marriage if that’s what you want, as that is what we are taught within pure-blood society.”
Hermione wasn’t brave enough to ask Bellatrix at this stage whether this is what she had done, and merely considered her words. It had never been her own intention to wait until after marriage; as far as she was concerned, so long as she was in a loving, stable relationship, then it was acceptable. Of course, her relationship with Bellatrix was anything but stable, but she chose to see this particular situation as an exception to the rule. Her feelings for Bellatrix were stronger than they had been or ever would be for anyone else because of Semper Amor, which was really the only thing that counted. At present there was danger between them whilst they were together considering Bellatrix’s volatile nature, but no danger of them splitting up, unless Bellatrix did something unforgivably awful that even Hermione couldn’t get past.
Of course, there was also the implication that they would one day be married to consider. Same-sex marriage was something that was accepted in wizarding society, and the only prejudice tended to come from the old, pure-blood families, like Bellatrix’s. However, the fact that she was casually bringing marriage into conversation made Hermione happy; it seemed that marriage was something Bellatrix was willing to consider, for otherwise she wouldn’t have mentioned it.
“I don’t want to wait until after marriage because I know it’ll probably be years until we are married,” Hermione confided. “But I do want to wait until I’m ready myself.”
“Then let’s just sleep,” Bellatrix suggested, scooping Hermione off her lap, and pulling her underneath the covers. She reached for the wand next to her, and flicked it with her wrist, drawing the room into darkness.
“You’re really prepared to wait until I’m ready?” Hermione whispered, not quite able to let the topic lie yet.
“Yes,” Bellatrix told her firmly. “Until then, this will have to suffice.”
Hermione opened her mouth to ask what this referred to, but her question was soon answered by the hand that snaked around her waist, dragging her body tightly into Bellatrix’s. Smiling, she buried her head into Bellatrix’s neck, kissing her throat and drawing a contented sigh from the older witch. For the moment, this was enough. The war was over and they could lie together for the first time, truly safe, and not concern themselves with anything but rest. That was something to be happy about.
Smiling, Hermione fell into a sound sleep.
**
(( CLICK HERE for part 22. ))
Author: perfect_pride
Pairing: Hermione/Bellatrix
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: It goes without saying that none of the Harry Potter world or its’ characters belong to me, unfortunately. Neither do the lyrics.
Warnings: Mental and physical abuse/torture.
Summary: Bellatrix abducts Hermione and keeps her prisoner, but an ancient magic threatens to change both their lives in ways they never thought were possible.
A/N: This fic begins during the summer months at the start of Deathly Hallows and complies with the events throughout the book. The timeline has been slightly adjusted at the start but it is barely noticeable. It takes into account events from the books and the films, but mainly the books as they are my favourite and provide greater detail. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (film) wasn’t considered as I wrote this beforehand and I feel like the scenes I have written and slotted into the book version work better. I hope that makes sense, if not, please ask. Also, I have tried to keep the characters in-character despite the unlikely pairing. Feedback is welcome. :)
(1), (2) , (3a), (3b) , ( 4), ( 5) , (6), (7), (8), ( 9), (10), ( 11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20)
**
Why does love always feel like a battlefield?
Jordin Sparks, Battlefield**
21.
For a wearisome hour, Hermione had hovered at the bottom of the stairs with Ron and Harry underneath the Invisibility Cloak. They waited without speaking, having some much needed silent time whilst Kingsley spoke to Bellatrix alone. Eventually however, Ron and Harry had grown tired of waiting, and they retired to the Gryffindor dormitory room where they used to sleep. They had no doubt asked Kreacher for food at some point judging by the growling noises coming from Ron’s stomach, but Hermione was far too nervous to even consider eating something as little as a snack. She couldn’t bear to do anything except wait with trepidation; therefore she had hidden herself behind a statue, as Harry had taken his Invisibility Cloak with him, and she wanted to avoid awkward questions about Bellatrix from anyone that had witnessed them together during the battle. Unfortunately, the castle was still busy, and so Hermione had to remain as quiet as possible due to the people wandering around crying for lost loved ones, and rejoicing the defeat of Voldemort.
When Hermione was eventually allowed back into the office yet another hour later, Kingsley explained that in her absence earlier whilst she had been locating Bellatrix, Harry had told him of the Horcruxes Voldemort created, and in turn he had informed Bellatrix, who had simply nodded and accepted the information. Hermione was surprised at this; she had been sure that even Bellatrix would be shocked to learn that her Lord had managed to split his soul into seven, but evidently that was not the case.
However, most importantly, Hermione assumed that Bellatrix had passed the Veritaserum test, as she was sitting unrestrained, with Kingsley casually facing her from behind the giant desk in the centre of the room. There was a slight tension in the room, but nothing too unbearable like Hermione had imagined there would be. Bellatrix seemed more wound up than Kingsley judging from her stiffened position sat on the chair, but Hermione knew she couldn’t expect miracles. For a moment, she wondered what Kingsley had spoken to Bellatrix about specifically, but knew it wasn’t her place to ask exactly what conversation had taken place over the past couple of hours.
Kingsley directed Hermione towards the empty seat next to Bellatrix, and dutifully, she did as she was told and sat there. She attempted to send Bellatix a reassuring smile despite the animosity between them since the Battle had ended, but Bellatrix sat rigidly still, ignoring her and faced forwards, looking at Kingsley.
“To sum things up, I think that all things considered, I will push for your pardon, Madam Lestrange,” he told her. “Hopefully there won’t even be the need for a trial as should I be made Minister on a permanent basis, that’s a system I will be looking to reform entirely anyway.”
“For the hundredth time, Madam Black,” Bellatrix said, snarky as ever, and not at all concerned with anything Kingsley had said, or bothering to show gratitude.
Kingsley quirked his head. “Fine, Madam Black,” he said shortly. “However, I would advise being more concerned with other matters, such as the way others react to you. I wouldn’t expect a favourable reaction from them, despite your actions here this evening.” He gave Hermione a look that she chose to interpret as you too.
“Does this mean I can go?” Bellatrix asked. “I’m bored.”
Hermione assumed that the Veritaserum was still having a profound effect on Bellatrix, because even by her usual standards, the statement was extremely childish. She seemed so cold and uncaring that it shocked Hermione, and made her feel like she was once more faced with Bellatrix the Death Eater rather than Bellatrix her lover. It would be silly of her to become upset by anything mean that Bellatrix said whilst under the influence of such a potion, but at the same time she was highly aware that anything Bellatrix declared now would be of the utmost truth.
“For the moment,” Kingsley replied in a low voice, completely disregarding Bellatrix’s attitude. Hermione supposed he was too relieved by Voldemort’s defeat to be concerned with punishing Bellatrix for her sarcasm and immaturity, now that she was no apparent danger. “I don’t believe hospital treatment will be necessary, though it’s something a Soul-Healer may think differently about at a later stage. In my opinion you will be able to receive treatment within the wizarding community which will allow you to go about your life as normally as possible, but I am no expert. One thing that will most definitely be done, however, is that a contract of expectations will be drawn up, which you will be required to sign and abide by. After I have fully consulted the Wizengamot I shall be in touch, but at the moment there is no Wizengamot, as such, so it shall have to wait for the time being.”
Bellatrix shrugged. “Fine.” She stood. “You can contact me at Malfoy Manor or Black Manor.”
Her statement caused Hermione to wonder what Bellatrix’s plans were regarding sleeping arrangements. She knew that although there would be a place in her old dormitory for her to sleep, she didn’t really want to part from Bellatrix. However, if Bellatrix intended to go to Malfoy Manor to see Narcissa, there was little chance that she would be invited. Even if she was, what would Narcissa’s reaction be? Not to mention Draco! After the Battle she wasn’t sure that she had the energy to deal with more confrontation and arguments.
“Bellatrix.”
Hermione turned at the same time as Bellatrix, drawn over to Dumbledore’s portrait. He was beckoning Bellatrix over in his direction, evidently wanting to speak with her. Somewhat reluctantly, Bellatrix moved towards him, Hermione following close behind. She assumed that whatever Dumbledore had to say to Bellatrix, he wouldn’t mind saying in front of her.
“Albus,” Bellatrix said, false happiness ringing in her tone. “Something to say?”
“Oh, not much,” Dumbledore said airily. “I merely wanted to point out a few things that you should probably be aware of.”
Bellatrix raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“I do not expect any sort of apology from you regarding your actions before my death,” Dumbledore said, almost certainly referring to the Unbreakable Vow she had cajoled Snape to take, and her goading of Draco at the scene of Dumbledore’s death.
“Good,” Bellatrix snarled, demeanour changing. “Because you won’t get one.”
Dumbledore inclined his head, watching Bellatrix with piercing blue eyes behind spectacles. “However, I do expect that you will treat Miss Granger with the respect that she deserves. Considering the choices you have made, you no doubt care for her very deeply, but you should be aware that if anything were to happen to the very talented witch in front of me, her friends would be most displeased. They would no doubt seek vengeance if this is a lie or a ploy of some sort.”
Hermione was touched at Dumbledore’s words, and that his only concern was for her rather than an apology for himself. Had Dumbledore the man been standing in front of her instead of the portrait, he would probably have ensured personally that Bellatrix was telling the truth, but as it was, he was doing the best that he could in the circumstances. And he was right anyhow; Harry and Ron would make it their mission in life to get revenge on Bellatrix if she ever hurt Hermione, or went back on her word to abandon her Death Eater lifestyle.
“Why would I lie? Why would I falsify memories or resist the effects of truth serum when I have never renounced my Lord before?” Bellatrix asked with a sneer. “Why would I, here at the most crucial time, not reveal my true reasoning? This is as genuine and real as it will ever be. Not that it’s any of your business!”
“In that case, then we have nothing to worry about,” Dumbledore said simply. “All will be well for you and Miss Granger.”
Bellatrix leant in towards Dumbledore, an intimidating look on her face that made Hermione shiver even though the look wasn’t aimed at her. “How is it that even though you’re dead, you still manage to be entirely irritating in the same way as when you were alive?”
Instead of retaliating, Dumbledore simply looked amused, chin quivering underneath his white beard. “I see you haven’t lost your pleasant nature, Bellatrix.”
“We’re going now,” Bellatrix announced to Hermione, ignoring the last comment. Hermione supposed that even Bellatrix realised that blowing a hole through Dumbledore’s portrait would not particularly benefit her as she tried to persuade the Ministry that she was safe to be walking around in the wizarding world. “Come.”
Not particularly happy about the fact that Bellatrix was telling her what to do, (especially in front of Dumbledore, the other portraits and Kingsley) Hermione followed grudgingly, mouthing “thank you” at Dumbledore before leaving. She didn’t want to make a scene in front of the others, and she supposed that as Bellatrix was evidently incapable of acting like a polite adult, she would just have to tolerate her for the moment. Moreover, if the Veritaserum was still having an effect on Bellatrix, then she would be truthful when Hermione spoke to her, meaning that she was probably going to be more awful than she usually was considering everything about her life that had changed so drastically over the past few hours. Voldemort was dead, Rodolphus was dead, and she was going to be free (to a certain extent) once more. It was a lot for her to take in.
After leaving the office, Hermione walked alongside Bellatrix for a few metres before she realised that the corridors were finally starting to empty. Together, they walked through the near-destroyed doors of the castle, and out into the open air, away from the scene of the Battle. When there was absolutely nobody in sight, even in the distance, Hermione enquired, “Do you really not care about Dumbledore’s death?” Maybe it was wrong of her to ask, but she genuinely wanted to discover the truth whilst she had the chance to ask about how Bellatrix really felt.
“No,” said without hesitation was the short response she got.
“Harry was devastated when he died,” Hermione said, shocked at the callousness of Bellatrix.
Bellatrix stopped walking and grabbed Hermione’s arm, preventing her from moving too. “You know who I am and what I have done. I thought you were willing to accept that!”
“I thought you had changed at least a little,” Hermione said timidly. “And that you didn’t do half of what you’ve been reported to do anyway.”
“Changed? Hermione, I may not have committed the crimes that you previously hated me for, but I have done more than enough in other areas,” Bellatrix said, her voice devoid of emotion. “I rejoiced when Dumbledore died, and I have spent the past few years making it my mission in life to kill Harry Potter, and people such as the daughter of my dear sister, Andromeda. If you are under the misapprehension that I am innocent and misunderstood; you’re wrong. I have done unimaginable things.”
“So you want Harry dead? And even your own niece?” Hermione’s voice shook as she spoke, and she tried hard to stop herself from getting upset, even despite the fact that Tonks had already died.
“No,” Bellatrix denied. “Not anymore. But I don’t much care what happens to them either.”
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Hermione tried to stop them leaking by focusing on the anger within her chest. How dare she? After everything that Hermione had risked for Bellatrix, she believed it was ok to say things that she knew full well would upset her! There was no way that she could be so stupid as to think Hermione would be absolutely fine with her making such statements. Everyone had their breaking point, and Hermione was fast reaching hers. Feeling the rage pulse through her veins, Hermione abandoned all her efforts at tolerating Bellatrix, and shouted, “Well, good news for you... Tonks is already dead!”
“Rabastan, Rodolphus’s brother is dead too, according to Shacklebolt,” Bellatrix said conversationally, ignoring Hermione’s tone. “I can’t say I mind.”
“Well I don’t feel that way about Tonks!” Hermione screamed. “What is wrong with you, Bellatrix?! Do you have any idea how I feel right now? Imagine how it would have felt if you had lost Narcissa or Draco in the Battle! If it had been people you love that had died, do you really think I would tell you I don’t mind?” She wiped away the tears that were now freely falling, feeling like an idiot for crying yet again.
Amazingly, at the sight of her tears, the expression on Bellatrix’s face softened slightly, and she started to look panicked at the display of emotion. “Don’t... don’t do that. Please, Hermione, you know I don’t like it when you do that.”
“I c-can’t help it,” Hermione stammered, trying to compose herself and failing miserably.
“I am not trying to distress you, I’m just telling you the truth,” Bellatrix said desperately. “Just stop crying; I won’t allow you to be upset like this!”
“Your feelings are what upset me!” Hermione exclaimed, unable to believe the words that had just left Bellatrix’s beautifully cruel mouth. Starting to get a hold of herself, she added, “Tonks was my friend, and I’ll miss her. Harry is like a brother to me, and you should know how I would react if I lost him because of the way I behaved earlier on when I believed him to be dead. How are we ever going to work if you can’t even tolerate him?”
“Well I-I’ll be perfectly civil to your friends as long as they do me the same courtesy,” Bellatrix promised. “Is that good enough for you?”
Hermione shrugged, wiping away the few tears that had leaked from her eyes. “It’s going to have to be, isn’t it?”
Deep down, she hoped that over time Bellatrix would change her mind. She had already done the unthinkable; what Hermione had never imagined she would have the courage to do and betrayed Voldemort, the hardest thing of all. If she could do that, then who was to say she couldn’t form new opinions in the future? Her previous Master was never coming back because Harry, Ron and herself had personally seen to it that it was no longer possible. All the Horcruxes had been destroyed, and every last remaining fibre of Voldemort was never again going to taint the world with his lies, deceit and hatred. Whether Bellatrix liked it or not, things would be changing in the world, and no longer would she remain a powerful pure-blooded Death Eater Queen that reigned above all others. In the eyes of most of the wizarding world that was left, it was her who was the repulsive filth instead.
“You’re still sad, aren’t you?” Bellatrix said hesitantly, when Hermione didn’t add anything more.
“Yes, Bellatrix,” Hermione said quietly. “I’m still sad, as you put it.”
“Don’t be,” Bellatrix told her. She raised a hand and stroked her thumb underneath Hermione’s chin in a rare moment of affection. Her cheeks flushed as though she was embarrassed, but regardless of this, Bellatrix gently tipped Hermione’s head backwards, and joined their mouths together in a soft, emotion-filled kiss. Although it wouldn’t be obvious to outsiders, Hermione knew without a doubt that this was Bellatrix’s way of saying she was sorry for causing Hermione so much distress. It was the most tender kiss they had ever shared, and when they eventually parted, Hermione realised that Bellatrix’s arms were around her, holding her in a passionate embrace.
“Come; it is getting late, and we should be leaving,” Bellatrix said, and although it was an order and not a request, the voice she used was light and almost kind.
“Where are we going?” Hermione asked, anticipating and dreading the answer at the same time.
“To my home,” Bellatrix revealed. “I am not prepared to deal with Lucius this evening when I turn up with you, should he be at Malfoy Manor. Or my sister and nephew either, for that matter. I just want to be with you tonight, as utterly ridiculous as that may sound.”
Secretly, Hermione didn’t think it was ridiculous at all, but she knew she would never convince Bellatrix of this, and so she didn’t even try to. She simply felt relieved about not having to go to Malfoy Manor, and strangely happy that she would get to be with Bellatrix alone. Instead, she asked, “When will you tell them about us?”
“Soon,” Bellatrix informed her. “Now is not the time, however.”
Accepting that Bellatrix was right, Hermione tried to remain positive. All things considered, she should be feeling nothing but happiness right now, despite the losses she had suffered. Voldemort was dead, her two best friends were alive, Bellatrix had sacrificed her allegiance to Voldemort for the sake of being with her, and for the first time in years, the wizarding world was facing stability once more. Most importantly of all, when everything was sorted out and the last of the Death Eaters had been rounded up, Hermione would be able to track down her parents in Australia and hopefully give them back their memories.
It’s going to be ok.
**
September 1981
“You’re an idiot,” Bellatrix said. “How could you wish for me to ask the Dark Lord such a thing?!”
“You don’t understand,” Snape said, and there was desperation in his voice that Bellatrix had not heard before. It surprised her, to think of someone like Snape to be capable of showing such an emotion. It was unnatural, as far as she was concerned.
Ever since he had found out that the Dark Lord was going to kill the son of James and Lily Potter, Snape had been entirely out of character and completely restless. He hadn’t shown this in the presence of Voldemort, of course, but when with the other Death Eaters he just couldn’t seem to hide the fact that something was wrong. Now, alone with him, Bellatrix cursed the fact that she had agreed to such a meeting. What would be achieved from this? She now knew the previously undisclosed reason for his behaviour, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to him snivel for the hell of it. It was going to be extremely boring having to listen to him whine and repeat the same thing over and over and over and over...
“Please, Bellatrix! Just understand where I am coming from!”
“What don’t I comprehend, Snape? You have a desire for a dirty Mudblood; there is nothing else to understand. You’ll just have to learn to control your urges and find someone more worthy,” Bellatrix spat.
“Lily is... she’s not like that,” Snape said, and he watched Bellatrix with wide eyes, looking more human and emotional than she had ever seen him before. He looked pathetic. “She isn’t like the other Mudbloods.”
Bellatrix cackled at the absurd statement. “Of course she is? Why would she be any different?”
Undeterred, Snape continued to plead, “Please, Bella. Please. Speak to the Dark Lord; he may listen to you if...”
“I will do no such thing!” Bellatrix yelled, interrupting him. She was angry that Snape would even dare to ask such a thing in the first place, let alone the fact he should know that once Lord Voldemort was set on doing any one particular thing, nothing would deter him. Even if Bellatrix begged, charmed and whined on behalf of Snape, the Dark Lord would never even consider granting such a wish. Who was Lily Potter to him? She was just another Mudblood, ready and waiting for him to slaughter. It was simple. Snape would just have to come to terms with it. “And there is nothing I can do anyway,” she added.
“At least try,” Snape said, voice almost quivering, though his eyes were still fairly blank. “I beg of you Bellatrix; I will forever be in your debt.”
“Why?” Bellatrix asked. “Why is she so different?”
Snape paused for a second, considering what to answer, before slowly saying. “I love her.” His cheeks reddened as he confessed this, and his eyes faced the wall behind Bellatrix.
“You love her?” Bellatrix asked incredulously. She couldn’t actually believe what she was hearing. Snape was actually in love with a Mudblood? If it wasn’t so disgusting then it would be funny. At least if he just wanted to have sex with her it wouldn’t be so bad. But love? “Ugh. Please tell me you are joking.”
Snape vehemently shook his head, an expression of utmost seriousness on his face. “I’m not joking; it’s the truth.”
“You’re confusing love with infatuation,” Bellatrix scoffed. She really hoped that he hadn’t spouted all of this to the Dark Lord; he would think Snape utterly ridiculous, and probably even told him so. “Really, you just want to fuck her.”
“No,” Snape said firmly. “I know the difference. And if you had ever been in love, you would know too.”
**
Arriving back at the house she had once been imprisoned in was a strange experience for Hermione. There was no longer any need for her to hide or sneak in; she could just enter as Bellatrix’s guest, or whatever the sodding hell she was. After all, there was no way she would refer to herself as the girlfriend of Bellatrix quite yet, especially not before they had a chance to discuss it themselves. Moreover, there was so much for them to face at the moment that Hermione wasn’t even going to begin worrying about that for the next few weeks at the very least.
Immediately upon arriving, Bellatrix checked on Lemmy. As expected, Kreacher was nowhere to be seen, but he had left Lemmy tucked up in her small elf-sized bed in one of the backrooms, sleeping soundly, alive and apparently on the mend. Although Bellatrix didn’t voice her relief, the expression on her face said it all, and served to remind Hermione that Bellatrix was capable of showing compassion for elves, even despite the terrible act she had committed against Dobby.
It would have been unfair to wake Lemmy and order her to cook for them, and so instead, Hermione took it upon herself to make herself and Bellatrix some sandwiches. It was a strange first meal together as they ate in silence, not a single word spoken, but Hermione wasn’t too concerned considering that they had a lot to learn anyway about being together. Bellatrix finished eating before her and left Hermione alone in the kitchen, apparently assuming that she would automatically follow Bellatrix upstairs when she had finished. After using magic to was the used plates and cutlery, Hermione left the kitchen, vaguely remembering the way in the vast hallway. She walked slowly, taking the time to look at the decor, which she hadn’t had a chance to do before. The carpet in the hallway was a maroon shade, and the walls were panelled with the finest woods, varnished entirely. Portraits littered the halls, though none of them were currently moving, meaning that they may actually have just been normal paintings. Too tired to hang around to find out, Hermione walked along the upstairs landing and into the room she knew to be Bellatrix’s bedroom.
Sitting on the bed, Bellatrix was dressed in her nightgown, staring up at Hermione. “You took your time,” she said. “Did you get lost?”
Hermione shook her head. Wanting to keep the peace and not argue again, she apologised. “Sorry. I was in a world of my own.” Shutting the door behind her, she walked over to Bellatrix, and sat on the bed next to her. “This feels weird.”
Bellatrix gave a small sigh. “I know.”
Reaching out, Hermione was relieved when Bellatrix didn’t pull away from her touch. She rested a hand on Bellatrix’s, and as she looked down at her left arm, she noticed something. “Your Dark Mark... it’s faded so much that you can barely see it.”
“It happened after the Dark Lord’s death,” Bellatrix whispered. “I suppose that it means... he really is never coming back.”
“I suppose it does,” Hermione said carefully. She wasn’t sure she was able to cope with knowing Bellatrix’s feelings regarding this, and so she left it unquestioned. “It also means that we’re free to live our lives together.”
Bellatrix turned, surveying Hermione. “Yes.” She paused, lost in thought. Suddenly, she blurted out something entirely unexpected. “Snape loved a Muggle-born.”
“What?” Hermione said, not understanding.
“I didn’t believe him,” Bellatrix confessed. “He told me he loved her and I mocked him. He was telling the truth all along.” She had an amazed look on her face, as though she couldn’t quite believe her own words.
“You knew about his feelings for Harry’s mother?” Hermione asked curiously.
“Yes. He begged for my help, asked me to ask the Dark Lord to spare her. I refused at first, but eventually after he kept going on and on, I told the Dark Lord. Granted, I didn’t exactly try my best to get across Snape’s feelings, but I informed him of enough to allow Snape to approach him on his own.” She paused. “I don’t know even know why I did that.”
“At least you did something. It doesn’t matter, because you didn’t kill her, Bella,” Hermione said in an attempt to reassure the raven haired witch. It was clear that she felt guilt on some level, whether she was willing to admit to it or not. The similarities between Severus Snape and Lily Potter were strangely similar to the situation that Bellatrix and Hermione had found themselves in; although of course there were many differences as well, like Semper Amor and the fact the love was reciprocated. Still, Bellatrix now understood how desperate Snape must have felt to have approached her, and so Hermione realised that she regretted her actions, even if she didn’t explicitly say so aloud.
Intrinsically aware of exactly what Bellatrix needed at this moment in time, Hermione leant in towards the older woman, and placed a light kiss on her lips. She repeated this action over and over, until Bellatrix started to respond, deepening the kiss and winding her hands into Hermione’s hair. Their mouths clashed together, and unable to stop herself, Hermione gave a slight moan against Bellatrix, pushing closer. Bellatrix appeared to sense that she wanted more contact, because she pulled her onto her lap, now running her hands along Hermione’s sides, causing her to pant more heavily. Hermione felt like fireworks were exploding in her chest, flashing and bursting constantly and incessantly as Bellatrix grasped her, seemingly refusing to let go. To feel this way with Bellatrix was exactly what Hermione wanted for them, and for the first time, she felt truly and completely happy to be kissing Bellatrix. All other worries and fears could be placed to the side for the moment, because she was going to enjoy this whilst she could.
Bellatrix seemed to share this view too. “Off,” she murmured, encouraging Hermione to lift her arms into the air so that she could pull her clothing from her. She stared down, wide eyed, fixated on Hermione’s newly revealed body. “You’re skinny... too skinny.”
Hermione smiled. “You know, it’s partly your fault I’m like this.”
Bellatrix looked up, as she skimmed her lips along Hermione’s stomach, tracing the faint scars left by Sectumsempra, thanks to Rodolphus. “Only partly?”
“Well, I did live in fields and forests after leaving here,” Hermione said, observing Bellatrix. Noting that Bellatrix was entirely focused on the faded-to-pink lines on her stomach, she added apprehensively, “Do they bother you?”
“Your scars?” Bellatrix said, briefly glancing up. “No. I have enough myself. The only thing that bothers me is how they were caused.” She clenched her fists in anger.
“Rodolphus is dead now,” Hemione stated. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me,” Bellatrix said adamantly. She made a noise of frustration. “If I had just arrived a little earlier, then I could have prevented him from doing such a thing before the thought had even entered his head. I’m not sure these scars will ever disappear.”
Looking downcast, Hermione immediately began to feel self-conscious. Did this mean that Bellatrix didn’t find her as attractive? The scars may not be very clear, but what could be seen of them was most definitely ugly in Hermione’s book. Shifting, she made to grab the sheet. “I’ll cover them up.”
“No! No, don’t. I don’t mind them,” Bellatix informed her. Gently, she licked a trail along the left side of Hermione, pressing her tongue against the gaps formed in between each of her ribs. “But seeing as how I should have been the one to protect you, I suppose I’d better make it up to you, little babe...”
Oh. Really? So this is going to happen, Hermione thought. She hadn’t given much consideration to whether she and Bellatrix would progress to the next stage in their relationship, but it seemed that the other witch had, judging by the way she was removing each item of Hermione’s clothes from her. Although she could have protested, too nervous and not ready to do this, Hermione knew that Bellatrix wouldn’t understand. Just because she had never forced Hermione to perform sexual acts against her will, now that they had a mutual unspoken agreement to be together it would just be what Bellatrix expected.
As Bellatrix removed her bra, Hermione froze. This was the furthest she had ever gone with anyone; even Ron had only ever seen her with her clothes on. Granted, Bellatrix had already watched her have a bath, but that was different, if only because their relationship was non-existent at that point. It just felt like too much, too soon, and even though Hermione loved Bellatrix, she couldn’t feel entirely comfortable with her in this situation.
Even though Hermione had decided not to say anything, Bellatrix sensed her reluctance anyway. “What’s wrong?” she asked impatiently.
“Nothing,” Hermione said, keeping her tone as light as possible, though she overdid it slightly and ended up speaking in a high-pitched tone that was unfamiliar to her ears. Closing her eyes, she attempted to distract Bellatrix with another kiss, only for the raven haired woman to push her away, backwards onto the bed.
“Tell me what the problem is,” Bellatrix instructed her.
Remaining silent, Hermione avoided eye contact. The signs that this was going to turn into an argument were already here, and she didn’t want to encourage them further. It seemed, however, she would have to say something, as Bellatrix was still waiting for her to talk, and she could feel the older witch staring at her, waiting for her to speak. In an attempt at placating her, Hermione managed to say, “There’s no problem... I’m just nervous. I’ve never... you know... done this before.”
“You’ve never had sex?” Bellatrix said bluntly.
Hermione shook her head.
“What, ever?” Bellatrix said, sounding shocked. “With a male or female?”
“No,” Hermione reiterated. “Just because I’m of age, it doesn’t mean that I automatically went and jumped into bed with the first person I vaguely fancied. I’m not like that.”
She forced herself to look at Bellatrix, observing her reaction. The surprise was still evident in her expression, as well as something unidentifiable. There was none of the usual anger, frustration or irritation, which was a relief to behold, but other than that, Hermione couldn’t work out how Bellatrix felt. She seemed to be debating what she wanted to say to Hermione next, for she seemed unsure of how to respond to Hermione’s roundabout way of saying “I’m a virgin.”
Finally, Bellatrix said, “I suppose that after what you told me before, I assumed you had already lost your virginity.”
“You mean what I said to you in the bathroom... that day?” Hermione asked, awkwardly referring to the time that Bellatrix had cruelly only allowed her to take a cold bath. Trying to aggravate Bellatrix, she had implied that she wasn’t a virgin as she had already had sex with two pure-bloods. It was a complete lie, but at the time, Bellatrix had believed her, and the subject hadn’t come up since considering that there had been more important things like the fate of the wizarding world to worry about.
“Yes,” Bellatrix said, and now it was her who looked uncomfortable; perhaps at the reminder of her previous behaviour towards Hermione.
Hermione sighed. She was going to have to just tell Bellatrix the truth, no matter how humiliating it would feel. She simply wasn’t ready yet. “I was trying to wind you up, Bella. It’s true, there have been others who have wanted me to... you know. But I never have because I didn’t want to. Honestly, I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea right now. I want to be with you, and I think you’re beautiful, but I can’t. I’m sorry,” she said desperately.
“Why didn’t you say this before I started to undress you?” Bellatrix asked, and although there was irritation in her voice, she picked up the nightdress from underneath the pillow next to her, and helped Hermione to pull it over her head. More adequately dressed, Hermione pulled her own jeans off, tossing them to the floor. She would really need to shower in the morning, but for the moment, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Apparently, Bellatrix didn’t either, as she pulled Hermione onto her lap.
“I thought you’d be furious,” Hermione admitted, focusing on the conversation again.
“Remember what I said to you before?” Bellatrix said. As Hermione looked at her blankly, she elaborated, “I would never force you to have sex. The idea has never appealed to me in my life; do you really think I’m going to lie on top of you and just ignore the look of horror on your face? Especially considering the extent of what I have risked to have you here with me?”
“It didn’t bother you when you tortured me,” Hermione said. “The more I begged, the worse it became.”
Bellatrix groaned, rubbing her head in her hands as though she had a headache. “That was different. Rape is... well quite frankly it’s a vile, horrendous act to commit. I wouldn’t rape anyone, least of all you, little babe.”
Privately, Hermione thought that throwing the Cruciatus Curse at somebody just for the fun of it was also vile and horrendous, but then Bellatrix was the insane one out of the two of them. Instead, she said dryly, “I’m glad.”
Bellatrix missed the sarcasm, as she added, “Besides, it was a long time ago.”
“Not that long ago!” Hermione exclaimed, unable to stop herself from responding to that particular justification. “”It was less than a year ago!”
“Fine, whatever,” Bellatrix said dismissively, evidently not understanding why Hermione was protesting. “But even so, that is not what we are now. I haven’t locked you in a room or... or done anything this evening to make you think I am going to hurt you again.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t,” Hermione said, voicing her greatest fear for the first time. It was quite possible that if she goaded Bellatrix hard enough during a fight one day that the older witch would physically punish Hermione for it. Her life had resolved around torture, even before her imprisonment in Azkaban, and there were probably experiences that Hermione hadn’t even considered in her own head that Bellatrix had been through herself. Nobody became the person she was today without having some sort of damaged past. Even Voldemort himself had a seriously screwed up childhood. Ok, so he probably would have still turned out to be horrendously power mad obsessive psychopath even if he had a stable upbringing, but no one would ever know that for sure.
“Yes, I might,” Bellatrix agreed. “Especially if you don’t listen to me. But I will never, ever go as far as I have done in the past, even if I do slip up every now and then. You have to remember that I chose you, and all the risks I have taken have been for us. You should accept that much about me at the very least.”
Even despite Bellatrix’s implication that she would be in charge of their relationship, Hermione still felt heartened by her pointing out that she had been chosen over Voldemort. “I do,” she said gently.
“On the whole, I’m glad that you’re a virgin. Sex isn’t something that should be rushed into without serious thought,” Bellatrix continued. “You know, I would even agree to waiting until after marriage if that’s what you want, as that is what we are taught within pure-blood society.”
Hermione wasn’t brave enough to ask Bellatrix at this stage whether this is what she had done, and merely considered her words. It had never been her own intention to wait until after marriage; as far as she was concerned, so long as she was in a loving, stable relationship, then it was acceptable. Of course, her relationship with Bellatrix was anything but stable, but she chose to see this particular situation as an exception to the rule. Her feelings for Bellatrix were stronger than they had been or ever would be for anyone else because of Semper Amor, which was really the only thing that counted. At present there was danger between them whilst they were together considering Bellatrix’s volatile nature, but no danger of them splitting up, unless Bellatrix did something unforgivably awful that even Hermione couldn’t get past.
Of course, there was also the implication that they would one day be married to consider. Same-sex marriage was something that was accepted in wizarding society, and the only prejudice tended to come from the old, pure-blood families, like Bellatrix’s. However, the fact that she was casually bringing marriage into conversation made Hermione happy; it seemed that marriage was something Bellatrix was willing to consider, for otherwise she wouldn’t have mentioned it.
“I don’t want to wait until after marriage because I know it’ll probably be years until we are married,” Hermione confided. “But I do want to wait until I’m ready myself.”
“Then let’s just sleep,” Bellatrix suggested, scooping Hermione off her lap, and pulling her underneath the covers. She reached for the wand next to her, and flicked it with her wrist, drawing the room into darkness.
“You’re really prepared to wait until I’m ready?” Hermione whispered, not quite able to let the topic lie yet.
“Yes,” Bellatrix told her firmly. “Until then, this will have to suffice.”
Hermione opened her mouth to ask what this referred to, but her question was soon answered by the hand that snaked around her waist, dragging her body tightly into Bellatrix’s. Smiling, she buried her head into Bellatrix’s neck, kissing her throat and drawing a contented sigh from the older witch. For the moment, this was enough. The war was over and they could lie together for the first time, truly safe, and not concern themselves with anything but rest. That was something to be happy about.
Smiling, Hermione fell into a sound sleep.
**
(( CLICK HERE for part 22. ))