FIC- Mixed Emotions Part Five
Title: Mixed Emotions
Pairing: House/Cuddy
Summary: House hears some shocking news, and consequently, struggles to deal with it.
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or the characters.
Spoilers: From the episode One day, One room especially, but also stuff taken from Season 1, 2 and 3. I have seen Season 4, but pretend that it doesn't exist for the purpose of this fic, mainly because I'm not overly keen on the changes made and I think the fic will work better if the newbies aren't involved.
Rating: M
A/N: Feedback is appreciated, including constructive criticism.
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Waking up the next morning, Cuddy was blissfully unaware of the previous day’s events, before she awoke properly and remembered. It wasn’t that she was angry with House, she had no right to be, but she was angry with the fact that she was so indecisive about what to do. Everything she had ever wanted was being offered to her, but she couldn’t help thinking that it was for the wrong reasons. House didn’t seem to be coming to terms with the fact that his father was dead, evident through his straight refusal to discuss it. He didn’t even appear that upset by the news, leading Cuddy to believe that either he was extremely good at covering up his emotions (he was House after all) or there was a particular reason why he wasn’t grieving.
Cuddy autonomously showered and dressed, not feeling up to eating breakfast. She had a lump in her throat, had done since leaving House’s apartment, and didn’t know how she was going to face him again. Jumping straight into a relationship with House would be a stupid move to make, that she knew, but whenever she thought of him she dreamed of everything she could gain from being with him.
And everything she could lose.
House could break her heart; shatter her world into a million pieces. Even if they didn’t end up having children together, which was a possibility considering her previous failed attempts, would the relationship work if House couldn’t be entirely honest with her? There was something he was hiding, something big, and Cuddy wished that he would just come out and say it. If she knew, she could come to terms with it, but how could you come to terms with something you were unaware of?
The knock on her door brought her out of her reverie, and knowing who would be behind it, Cuddy opened it nervously, forcing a smile onto her face as she saw House standing before her. “Hey.”
“Hi,” House replied, giving her a slight smile. He hovered on the doorstep, waiting for Cuddy to speak.
Eventually, she did, stating, “This is weird.”
“It is?” He asked.
“Yes,” Cuddy told him. “You’ve only once knocked on my door, normally you just break in to snoop or come to the bedroom window.”
“Figured I’d attempt politeness, at least until you’ve promised to be my little lady,” House made light of the situation.
Cuddy rolled her eyes. “Hate to break it to you, but I will never be your ‘little lady’. Are you coming in?”
House nodded, moving through the doorway, and following her into the lounge, where he sat beside her on the couch.
“I assume you want to know if I’ve made a decision yet,” Cuddy said softly.
“Yes,” House declared. “But I have something to say before you turn me down.”
Cuddy frowned. “What makes you think I’ll turn you down?”
“I thought you would have come to your senses.” He stared at her, piercing blue eyes trying to discover what she had decided. For once, he was unable to work her out. “But if that isn’t the case then…”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Cuddy said quickly, not wanting him to get his hopes up. “What did you want to say?”
House took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for what I said before, about how you’d suck at being a mom. And for… well for the fact you had to perjure yourself for me.” He paused, allowing her to take in his words. “As for Michigan… I’m sorry that I left the way I did. I know I hurt you by not even giving you an explanation when you deserved one. But I promise you, there was no one else. I was just… being an ass as always and I didn’t have the guts to face you.”
Cuddy gawped at House, sure that he was on drugs. Drugs other than Vicodin, obviously. She couldn’t help it, she had to confront him. “Ok, I have to say it. What is with you? First you do clinic duty, then you offer to spend the rest of your life with me, and now you’re apologising?!”
“I’m doing the right thing, Lisa,” He said quietly.
“And now you’re calling me Lisa,” Cuddy laughed nervously. “Seriously, Greg, what’s going on?”
House was fed up with trying to make her understand, and he snapped, “I’m offering you everything you’ve ever wanted and you’re laughing at me?”
“I just don’t know why you’re doing this,” Cuddy explained, no longer laughing. She didn’t want to infuriate him anymore. “Though I can’t help but think it has something to do with your father’s death.”
Cuddy could see that House tensed the moment she said this. Calling him on it she said gently, “You owe me the truth. I was honest with you, now you be honest with me.”
House ignored her.
“Look,” Cuddy tried not to sound too irate. “I admitted my feelings to you, now offer me the same courtesy and explain why you don’t care that he’s dead.”
“Who said I didn’t care?” House immediately jumped down her throat.
“You did,” Cuddy told him. “When you stormed out of the clinic yesterday.”
Remembering, House nodded. “You don’t need to know.”
“But I want to,” she insisted.
House shook his head. “No. No you don’t.”
“House… please,” Cuddy pleaded. “Whatever you say will stay between us. I promise.”
“I’ve only ever told one person,” House admitted. “And she was… well she wasn’t anyone important.”
“Stacy?” Cuddy queried.
“No,” House denied. “A patient. Eve.”
“Eve?” Cuddy racked her brains trying to remember a patient House had treated called Eve. She couldn’t recall one.
“She wasn’t my patient,” House realised what Cuddy was doing. “Not really anyway. She was a patient from the clinic, the girl who…”
“Was raped,” Cuddy finished for him. “I remember. She would only talk to you and… oh God, your father…”
“No!” House exclaimed quickly, knowing what Cuddy was thinking. “Nothing like that.”
“Then what?” Cuddy pressed.
“Jesus, Cuddy!” House yelled, her persistence annoying him to the extreme. Cuddy jumped as he raised his voice, not having expected it. “It’s in the past, and the past should…”
“Stay in the past?” Cuddy interrupted. “Wasn’t that exactly what I said to you yesterday?”
Embarrassed, House remembered her words. “This is different,” He snapped, not wanting her to know he was uncomfortable.
“Why, because it’s you we’re talking about?” Cuddy said firmly, but not harshly.
“Because we’re talking about child abuse!” House yelled, having finally reached his breaking point. “Because talking about how I was shoved into an ice bath and forced to sleep in the pouring rain isn’t my idea of a fun conversation to be having!” He stood, not able to continue talking to Cuddy.
“House, wait,” Cuddy called out to him as he rushed out of the room. She stood to follow him, knowing that if he left now she’d never get him anywhere close to opening up again.”
“House!” She shouted after him, grabbing his arm as he turned to leave.
“What?!” He growled, turning to face her.
“Don’t go, please. Just… don’t go,” She whispered, placing her hands on either side of him and looking up at him forlornly.
For once in his life, House listened.
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Pairing: House/Cuddy
Summary: House hears some shocking news, and consequently, struggles to deal with it.
Disclaimer: I don't own House MD or the characters.
Spoilers: From the episode One day, One room especially, but also stuff taken from Season 1, 2 and 3. I have seen Season 4, but pretend that it doesn't exist for the purpose of this fic, mainly because I'm not overly keen on the changes made and I think the fic will work better if the newbies aren't involved.
Rating: M
A/N: Feedback is appreciated, including constructive criticism.
_________________________________________________
Waking up the next morning, Cuddy was blissfully unaware of the previous day’s events, before she awoke properly and remembered. It wasn’t that she was angry with House, she had no right to be, but she was angry with the fact that she was so indecisive about what to do. Everything she had ever wanted was being offered to her, but she couldn’t help thinking that it was for the wrong reasons. House didn’t seem to be coming to terms with the fact that his father was dead, evident through his straight refusal to discuss it. He didn’t even appear that upset by the news, leading Cuddy to believe that either he was extremely good at covering up his emotions (he was House after all) or there was a particular reason why he wasn’t grieving.
Cuddy autonomously showered and dressed, not feeling up to eating breakfast. She had a lump in her throat, had done since leaving House’s apartment, and didn’t know how she was going to face him again. Jumping straight into a relationship with House would be a stupid move to make, that she knew, but whenever she thought of him she dreamed of everything she could gain from being with him.
And everything she could lose.
House could break her heart; shatter her world into a million pieces. Even if they didn’t end up having children together, which was a possibility considering her previous failed attempts, would the relationship work if House couldn’t be entirely honest with her? There was something he was hiding, something big, and Cuddy wished that he would just come out and say it. If she knew, she could come to terms with it, but how could you come to terms with something you were unaware of?
The knock on her door brought her out of her reverie, and knowing who would be behind it, Cuddy opened it nervously, forcing a smile onto her face as she saw House standing before her. “Hey.”
“Hi,” House replied, giving her a slight smile. He hovered on the doorstep, waiting for Cuddy to speak.
Eventually, she did, stating, “This is weird.”
“It is?” He asked.
“Yes,” Cuddy told him. “You’ve only once knocked on my door, normally you just break in to snoop or come to the bedroom window.”
“Figured I’d attempt politeness, at least until you’ve promised to be my little lady,” House made light of the situation.
Cuddy rolled her eyes. “Hate to break it to you, but I will never be your ‘little lady’. Are you coming in?”
House nodded, moving through the doorway, and following her into the lounge, where he sat beside her on the couch.
“I assume you want to know if I’ve made a decision yet,” Cuddy said softly.
“Yes,” House declared. “But I have something to say before you turn me down.”
Cuddy frowned. “What makes you think I’ll turn you down?”
“I thought you would have come to your senses.” He stared at her, piercing blue eyes trying to discover what she had decided. For once, he was unable to work her out. “But if that isn’t the case then…”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Cuddy said quickly, not wanting him to get his hopes up. “What did you want to say?”
House took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for what I said before, about how you’d suck at being a mom. And for… well for the fact you had to perjure yourself for me.” He paused, allowing her to take in his words. “As for Michigan… I’m sorry that I left the way I did. I know I hurt you by not even giving you an explanation when you deserved one. But I promise you, there was no one else. I was just… being an ass as always and I didn’t have the guts to face you.”
Cuddy gawped at House, sure that he was on drugs. Drugs other than Vicodin, obviously. She couldn’t help it, she had to confront him. “Ok, I have to say it. What is with you? First you do clinic duty, then you offer to spend the rest of your life with me, and now you’re apologising?!”
“I’m doing the right thing, Lisa,” He said quietly.
“And now you’re calling me Lisa,” Cuddy laughed nervously. “Seriously, Greg, what’s going on?”
House was fed up with trying to make her understand, and he snapped, “I’m offering you everything you’ve ever wanted and you’re laughing at me?”
“I just don’t know why you’re doing this,” Cuddy explained, no longer laughing. She didn’t want to infuriate him anymore. “Though I can’t help but think it has something to do with your father’s death.”
Cuddy could see that House tensed the moment she said this. Calling him on it she said gently, “You owe me the truth. I was honest with you, now you be honest with me.”
House ignored her.
“Look,” Cuddy tried not to sound too irate. “I admitted my feelings to you, now offer me the same courtesy and explain why you don’t care that he’s dead.”
“Who said I didn’t care?” House immediately jumped down her throat.
“You did,” Cuddy told him. “When you stormed out of the clinic yesterday.”
Remembering, House nodded. “You don’t need to know.”
“But I want to,” she insisted.
House shook his head. “No. No you don’t.”
“House… please,” Cuddy pleaded. “Whatever you say will stay between us. I promise.”
“I’ve only ever told one person,” House admitted. “And she was… well she wasn’t anyone important.”
“Stacy?” Cuddy queried.
“No,” House denied. “A patient. Eve.”
“Eve?” Cuddy racked her brains trying to remember a patient House had treated called Eve. She couldn’t recall one.
“She wasn’t my patient,” House realised what Cuddy was doing. “Not really anyway. She was a patient from the clinic, the girl who…”
“Was raped,” Cuddy finished for him. “I remember. She would only talk to you and… oh God, your father…”
“No!” House exclaimed quickly, knowing what Cuddy was thinking. “Nothing like that.”
“Then what?” Cuddy pressed.
“Jesus, Cuddy!” House yelled, her persistence annoying him to the extreme. Cuddy jumped as he raised his voice, not having expected it. “It’s in the past, and the past should…”
“Stay in the past?” Cuddy interrupted. “Wasn’t that exactly what I said to you yesterday?”
Embarrassed, House remembered her words. “This is different,” He snapped, not wanting her to know he was uncomfortable.
“Why, because it’s you we’re talking about?” Cuddy said firmly, but not harshly.
“Because we’re talking about child abuse!” House yelled, having finally reached his breaking point. “Because talking about how I was shoved into an ice bath and forced to sleep in the pouring rain isn’t my idea of a fun conversation to be having!” He stood, not able to continue talking to Cuddy.
“House, wait,” Cuddy called out to him as he rushed out of the room. She stood to follow him, knowing that if he left now she’d never get him anywhere close to opening up again.”
“House!” She shouted after him, grabbing his arm as he turned to leave.
“What?!” He growled, turning to face her.
“Don’t go, please. Just… don’t go,” She whispered, placing her hands on either side of him and looking up at him forlornly.
For once in his life, House listened.
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