The days of the week are starting to blur together...
-But you're bleeding on my guardian angel.
It's one sadistic step for mankind.
One giant leap for this brown-eyed apparation.
He earned my love in a stainless-steel promise.
Made somewhere between my elbow and my wrist.
-Don't make me go any deeper.
What have we done?
How much security is afforded by stained carpets, and an unlocked door?
I can't love without my metallic catalysts.
Love, flows only from a broken heart.
-The devil made me do it, and I took it from there.
I didn't mean to do the same thing I've been doing one week after the next after eternity.
-Are we bonded now?
As I mirror his scarring handiwork on his saccharine flesh?
-You can't tattoo your heart.
So this is what 'bloodlust' means.
True affection and dark brown stains.
We're so close; and yes so gone.
So far.
We'll bleed it out together, on pins and nails.
He know that I will love him in my dreams.
-And just once, you loved me too.
*Im actually pretty impressed that I can type right now. To say the least, I have been on a 4 day drug binge. I knew I wasn't clean but I didnt know I was this far from it. I also didn't know that I could lie so well. Maybe they know exactly what's going on but don't care about me enough to ask questions. Either way, Im glad. I dont want to talk with them about it. I dont want them to judge me. I know they will. They always do. So i like drugs, whats it to them? I could understand if I wanted to get clean...but sadly, I dont. It's not like Im an addict, or anything. I woke up today, and thought it was Thursday. I dont remember working on Friday or Saturday. That has never happened before. Im not too concerned though, im chalking it up to having an empty stomach. The pills wouldnt have done that to me if I would have had some food in there. Im winning on all levels this week, if I could just keep track of the days. My fast turned into a liquid fast-which isnt too bad. Im doing ok. The perks of not remembering work is that I didnt eat. It's so hard to resist food at work. Fast-food keeps you hooked. I hate it. Yesterday, I scared myself big time. I found myself wanting to SI and I haven't done that in 106 days. I resisted but I cant seem to keep it off my mind. I guess im blaming it on the drugs. I blame everything on the drugs...I find myself crying about him at night when no one is around. Im pathetic. If I was him, and had to deal with me I would have fled too. Im just a big bag of baggage. I need to find someone that will gladly unpack me. That person doesn't exist. Im all over the place with this. Im sorry. I just re-read what I wrote...and realized that...im just making excuses for myself. Fuck.