My mind is nothing by a mess these days.
It's musty and doesn't feel like home anymore, even though Im told its supposed to.
"Nothing's changing-you're still always welcome here."
If only I felt welcome.
My key doesn't even fir in the lock right anymore.
I think the whole house has shifted-moved a little to the left, maybe.
Or maybe my heart just shifted-a whole ten minutes away from this hell-hole.
Everything is covered in carelessness and the dog ruined the ever-so-expensive carpet.
I can forgive him though-he's sick.
The kitchen smells like mold-which is contradicted by the new appliances that litter the countertops.
Cheap Bastard gets everything new when we leave.
Probably because we took everything, except my cats-who look like death warmed over.
Somehow I miss this place, well, what this place used to be.
My handprints are still on the walls by the stairs-ah, there's a shred of the past.
Maybe not a good shred, but a shred nonetheless.
My room is bare, tiny trinkets of my childhood flood the hardwood floor.
The worst is the bare walls.
They hold nothing but my secrets.
No pictures, no memories, no nothing-just bare.
Just like the expression on my face-lifeless.
I can't breathe.
Suddenly the walls are closing in and I'm crying.
Laying there surrounded by my left-behind memories.
The one's that werent special enough to bring.
Sitting here gathering dust.
Somehow now, they are my most prized possessions in the world.
In a frantic rush I grab everything my shaking little hands touch.
Run out, and don't even lock the grimy door.
Driving away, I let it all go out the window.
I need a new beginning.
One by one, it all goes.
Smashing on the quickly passing pavement.
Litter bug.
Sue me.
No, this isnt home anymore-this is a prison that tries to suck me in and lock me up.
No, this is not my home.
*Bad day. Long. I binged. Didnt purge. I suck, today. And probably tomorrow. And everyday thereafter.