(no subject)
So i was reading journals tonight/this morning, and came across Dayna's in which she talked about how there are really few people in the world that you need. This got my mind thinking. I never had really thought about it, but I began wondering, who do *i* need?
It was really hard for me to think about that. I mean, I've had so many people come and go from my life.. that it's hard for me to actually feel like i "need" people in my life. I guess i've just grown accustomed to being by myself, that I can probably do just fine without anyone. I mean, I don't really "need" my family, even though without my parents, I would have more expenses to pay.. but it's not like i couldnt afford it.
She also went on to talk about how true friends tell each other when they're upset. Well.. this is also difficult for me. If I ever do get upset, it's late at night, and theres really no one for me to talk to about whats upsetting me. Half the time, I don't even know what's bothering me. And sadly, I think "how fucking stupid that was" when I wake up the next morning.. afternoon.
And as far as "being there" for the person... God, that's so hard for me now. I'm like, on this completely different schedule then everyone else is. So it's making me feel so detached from people that I love and care about. I just hope they truely know that I still care and love them. I would love to be there for them. But, I dont know. I just hate this feeling that like, I'm drifting away from some of them. *insert tears here* Some who are my closest friends, i'm lucky to even talk to for 10 minutes a day. Like, I have no idea what's going on in their lives now or anything. I don't even know if they even consider me as close of a friend, as we once were, or what.
*sighs and curls up* I'm sorry everyone for not being what I can be to all of you.
It was really hard for me to think about that. I mean, I've had so many people come and go from my life.. that it's hard for me to actually feel like i "need" people in my life. I guess i've just grown accustomed to being by myself, that I can probably do just fine without anyone. I mean, I don't really "need" my family, even though without my parents, I would have more expenses to pay.. but it's not like i couldnt afford it.
She also went on to talk about how true friends tell each other when they're upset. Well.. this is also difficult for me. If I ever do get upset, it's late at night, and theres really no one for me to talk to about whats upsetting me. Half the time, I don't even know what's bothering me. And sadly, I think "how fucking stupid that was" when I wake up the next morning.. afternoon.
And as far as "being there" for the person... God, that's so hard for me now. I'm like, on this completely different schedule then everyone else is. So it's making me feel so detached from people that I love and care about. I just hope they truely know that I still care and love them. I would love to be there for them. But, I dont know. I just hate this feeling that like, I'm drifting away from some of them. *insert tears here* Some who are my closest friends, i'm lucky to even talk to for 10 minutes a day. Like, I have no idea what's going on in their lives now or anything. I don't even know if they even consider me as close of a friend, as we once were, or what.
*sighs and curls up* I'm sorry everyone for not being what I can be to all of you.