LIFE JOURNAL
OKay, I am updating, i have many things i could be doing, but the truth is i don't want to do any of them. I want to see my friends.
I want this year to just be one big social event where we only spend time doing fun stuff and not work. LIfe scares me soo much,
I don't know how to deal with it, i don't want to be 18 and i just want to go back to beig 14.
When i was young and had all of highschool to gain my experiences.
Today, was okay, i got to see Jojo, Eggy, Kristi and Kerri. They made my day better. But they can't seem to take my sense of uncertainty away.
I feel like i am always second best, in friendships, in sports, in classes, in drama, in singing. I am not best at anything, i feel lost, i used to think i didn't need these titles of best, but i do. I need people to recognize me. I know this sounds selfish but it is the truth, i don't know how to put it. Life right now just seems like i am floating in a really big ocean looking for someone or something to keep me afloat. But most of the time i just do the dead man's float pertending that everything is okay and i am fine my myself. AHHHHHHH
I am frustrated at people and i don't want to be, and i feel alone and lost and simply scared of the future.
Don't freak out, i have not lost my optimism, i know this entry is out of the ordinarry. But just give me until tomorrow morning and don't worry i am sure i will find my uncanny optimism somewhere.
I hope everyone else's days were great.
Sleep tight.
c you all tomorrow.
Bed, to dream of a different place, where i am a different person.
I want this year to just be one big social event where we only spend time doing fun stuff and not work. LIfe scares me soo much,
I don't know how to deal with it, i don't want to be 18 and i just want to go back to beig 14.
When i was young and had all of highschool to gain my experiences.
Today, was okay, i got to see Jojo, Eggy, Kristi and Kerri. They made my day better. But they can't seem to take my sense of uncertainty away.
I feel like i am always second best, in friendships, in sports, in classes, in drama, in singing. I am not best at anything, i feel lost, i used to think i didn't need these titles of best, but i do. I need people to recognize me. I know this sounds selfish but it is the truth, i don't know how to put it. Life right now just seems like i am floating in a really big ocean looking for someone or something to keep me afloat. But most of the time i just do the dead man's float pertending that everything is okay and i am fine my myself. AHHHHHHH
I am frustrated at people and i don't want to be, and i feel alone and lost and simply scared of the future.
Don't freak out, i have not lost my optimism, i know this entry is out of the ordinarry. But just give me until tomorrow morning and don't worry i am sure i will find my uncanny optimism somewhere.
I hope everyone else's days were great.
Sleep tight.
c you all tomorrow.
Bed, to dream of a different place, where i am a different person.