Happy Boxing Day
Best wishes to everyone for the coming year. I hope your various Christmas rituals were good.
I had my usual quiet Christmas day yesterday. I've spent Christmas alone for so many years now, the idea of doing otherwise seems odd to me. My sister recently moved to Portland, Oregon, so this year, for the first time in about 10 years, I didn't have to go through the ritual of trying to limit my participation in the gatherings with her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. My sister and I have a good relationship, but how I do or don't fit into her children's lives is another story. The background of that is too much to go into here. What I realized this year is that now I don't have to push against the family dynamics, I sort of miss feeling that I need to. Family dynamics are mysterious, sometimes troubling, sometimes wonderful, and a part of who we are.
I've reached a point where being family-free feels OK - at least this year. What I do miss is being part of that other family structure - friends and animals who have become part of my life over the years. LJ has been a wonderful and surprising source of that for the last 6 years. My first entry was August 8, 2002. What an amazing journey that has been.
Anyway, back to my own Christmas story. On Wednesday, we got out of work at noon. So I went to the store and did some hunting and gathering for my "traditional" Christmas Eve Dinner. It's something I grew up with. My family opened presents on the night before Christmas. This included a big dinner, everyone trying to convince me that they heard a noise in the living room (which must be Santa), then the grand ripping and shredding of paper and opening of gifts. But the Santa bit seemed a bit much - I had been eying those wrapped items under the tree for a couple of weeks.
I don't think I ever bought into the Santa thing - at least I don't have any memory of it - but indulged the family and played along. Early on I was a people-pleaser-type, trying to do what I thought others wanted from me. Over the years, I have had many moments of regret about that, but now I mostly accept it as an ingrained part of who I am. I just try to stay aware of that almost knee-jerk instinct and not let it entirely dominate how I respond.
My favorite time, though, was the weeks before as the house was decorated and gifts began to appear under the tree. I loved to sit alone by the tree and imagine what might be in the various boxes and odd shapes. Then I'd marvel at the colors of the lights and ornaments and the reflections I saw in them. (I didn't know the term, but that was where I first encountered "the warm fuzzies.") Of course, I'd soon get to thinking about what was going to happen to Jesus when he grew up, an image of the three crosses would form in my head, and then I'd cry. My parents did not know what to make of that, and I couldn't explain it, but eventually they learned to just let me be. It didn't last long or darken the other Christmas events. Just something I needed to do.
Anyway, my dinner this year was actually quite good. Salmon poached in olive oil (a recipe I just found), braised cucumber with dill and garlic, a baked potato, and some dreaded brussel sprouts - even in the face of Ruralrob's warnings that I'm on a slippery slope to a totally degenerate life - what's next, parsnips and turnips? Actually it was a conscious choice to go against my instincts - and a cooking method I heard of sounded intriguing and was actually quite good. Of course, I do feel a twinge of guilt about it - what will RR think? But I'm probably stronger for it.
I was so pleased with the meal that I ended up drinking the whole bottle of wine I bought go with it - and Christmas morning I was once again reminded of the consequences of that choice. I think the olive oil may have dulled the pain somewhat, though.
Christmas night, I decided to go to a movie. I had planned to see Doubt, but when I got to the theatre it was sold out as were my 2nd and 3rd choices. Seems the world goes to movies on Christmas night. But I wasn't going to be denied - my main objective was to be distracted, and maybe even entertained - so I headed to another theatre a few miles away. Doubt wasn't showing there, and Seven Pounds sounded just too depressing for Christmas night. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button sounded intriguing, but somehow I tend to avoid Brad Pitt movies (Brad, how could you???) Suddenly it was my turn at the ticket window, so I looked at start times and Marley & Me won out. That was not even on my mental list, and I had severe reservations based on the trailers I had seen on TV, but there was no time for dithering. As synchronicity will have it, it turned out to be a good choice.
Anyway, who can resist a dog-flick - especially if the dog is a Lab? I was almost instantly won over and rather enjoyed the cathartic process of the movie itself - Owen & Jennifer were very good in bringing the human characters to life and making it more than Just a Dog Flick. At the end, I had no choice but to sit through all of the credits, and I was probably a danger on the highway driving home. But it was a really good experience - an unexpected gift of remembrances of things past - including the joy pets bring to our lives, as well as the process of what happens when they become too ill to have much of a life. The most recent connections were my times in Warkworth with Bob, Meirion, Baxter, Bailey, and Freddie, as well as all the usual suspects in the village - but especially the February visit that would be the last time I saw Bailey, and playing a slow-motion game of fetch the ball in the snow. Once the flood passed, a good case of the warm fuzzies remained.
Now I have to go out and fill the bird feeder stations - then make pancakes - and discover whatever else the day brings. BTW, it's going to be near 80 F here today and sunny - but it's windy. Hope everyone out there has a good day in whatever weather surrounds you. I don't post much these days, but I wanted you all to know how important you are in my life.
Hugs all around.
I had my usual quiet Christmas day yesterday. I've spent Christmas alone for so many years now, the idea of doing otherwise seems odd to me. My sister recently moved to Portland, Oregon, so this year, for the first time in about 10 years, I didn't have to go through the ritual of trying to limit my participation in the gatherings with her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. My sister and I have a good relationship, but how I do or don't fit into her children's lives is another story. The background of that is too much to go into here. What I realized this year is that now I don't have to push against the family dynamics, I sort of miss feeling that I need to. Family dynamics are mysterious, sometimes troubling, sometimes wonderful, and a part of who we are.
I've reached a point where being family-free feels OK - at least this year. What I do miss is being part of that other family structure - friends and animals who have become part of my life over the years. LJ has been a wonderful and surprising source of that for the last 6 years. My first entry was August 8, 2002. What an amazing journey that has been.
Anyway, back to my own Christmas story. On Wednesday, we got out of work at noon. So I went to the store and did some hunting and gathering for my "traditional" Christmas Eve Dinner. It's something I grew up with. My family opened presents on the night before Christmas. This included a big dinner, everyone trying to convince me that they heard a noise in the living room (which must be Santa), then the grand ripping and shredding of paper and opening of gifts. But the Santa bit seemed a bit much - I had been eying those wrapped items under the tree for a couple of weeks.
I don't think I ever bought into the Santa thing - at least I don't have any memory of it - but indulged the family and played along. Early on I was a people-pleaser-type, trying to do what I thought others wanted from me. Over the years, I have had many moments of regret about that, but now I mostly accept it as an ingrained part of who I am. I just try to stay aware of that almost knee-jerk instinct and not let it entirely dominate how I respond.
My favorite time, though, was the weeks before as the house was decorated and gifts began to appear under the tree. I loved to sit alone by the tree and imagine what might be in the various boxes and odd shapes. Then I'd marvel at the colors of the lights and ornaments and the reflections I saw in them. (I didn't know the term, but that was where I first encountered "the warm fuzzies.") Of course, I'd soon get to thinking about what was going to happen to Jesus when he grew up, an image of the three crosses would form in my head, and then I'd cry. My parents did not know what to make of that, and I couldn't explain it, but eventually they learned to just let me be. It didn't last long or darken the other Christmas events. Just something I needed to do.
Anyway, my dinner this year was actually quite good. Salmon poached in olive oil (a recipe I just found), braised cucumber with dill and garlic, a baked potato, and some dreaded brussel sprouts - even in the face of Ruralrob's warnings that I'm on a slippery slope to a totally degenerate life - what's next, parsnips and turnips? Actually it was a conscious choice to go against my instincts - and a cooking method I heard of sounded intriguing and was actually quite good. Of course, I do feel a twinge of guilt about it - what will RR think? But I'm probably stronger for it.
I was so pleased with the meal that I ended up drinking the whole bottle of wine I bought go with it - and Christmas morning I was once again reminded of the consequences of that choice. I think the olive oil may have dulled the pain somewhat, though.
Christmas night, I decided to go to a movie. I had planned to see Doubt, but when I got to the theatre it was sold out as were my 2nd and 3rd choices. Seems the world goes to movies on Christmas night. But I wasn't going to be denied - my main objective was to be distracted, and maybe even entertained - so I headed to another theatre a few miles away. Doubt wasn't showing there, and Seven Pounds sounded just too depressing for Christmas night. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button sounded intriguing, but somehow I tend to avoid Brad Pitt movies (Brad, how could you???) Suddenly it was my turn at the ticket window, so I looked at start times and Marley & Me won out. That was not even on my mental list, and I had severe reservations based on the trailers I had seen on TV, but there was no time for dithering. As synchronicity will have it, it turned out to be a good choice.
Anyway, who can resist a dog-flick - especially if the dog is a Lab? I was almost instantly won over and rather enjoyed the cathartic process of the movie itself - Owen & Jennifer were very good in bringing the human characters to life and making it more than Just a Dog Flick. At the end, I had no choice but to sit through all of the credits, and I was probably a danger on the highway driving home. But it was a really good experience - an unexpected gift of remembrances of things past - including the joy pets bring to our lives, as well as the process of what happens when they become too ill to have much of a life. The most recent connections were my times in Warkworth with Bob, Meirion, Baxter, Bailey, and Freddie, as well as all the usual suspects in the village - but especially the February visit that would be the last time I saw Bailey, and playing a slow-motion game of fetch the ball in the snow. Once the flood passed, a good case of the warm fuzzies remained.
Now I have to go out and fill the bird feeder stations - then make pancakes - and discover whatever else the day brings. BTW, it's going to be near 80 F here today and sunny - but it's windy. Hope everyone out there has a good day in whatever weather surrounds you. I don't post much these days, but I wanted you all to know how important you are in my life.
Hugs all around.