Excuse me, I'm Head Boy!
Make way! Out of the way please. Head Boy, coming through. All of you First Years, follow me, please. And quiet down please! Honestly, danger is no excuse for being loud and disorderly. Nothing will attack you while I am here. You're perfectly safe! There, that's better. You see? You don't need Harry Potter to save you from danger. There are other people who are equally -- no, dare I say even better qualified to protect the students of Hogwarts from You Know Who Lord Voldemort. I am not afraid of saying his name. I'm sure that if Harry Potter hadn't beaten me to it, I could have defeated the Heir of Slytherin when he possessed my beloved sister Ginevra and caused his basilisk to petrify my lovely girlfriend, Penelope. I could have protected the Gryffindor students in my care from Sirius Black when he snuck into the Gryffindor Tower and attacked my dear younger brother Ron. Despite what my horribly annoying spirited twin brothers George and Fred might tell you, there is nothing wrong with working hard and studying long into the night in order to achieve 12 O.W.L.s (the very best grades you know), as well as top N.E.W.T.s. There is absolutely nothing wrong with aspiring to become the youngest Minister for Magic one day. There is more to life than Quidditch and sneaking off to Honeydukes and dancing at school balls. Laugh if you will: I will be Minister one day.
I can't stay long, I'm afraid. I've got important matters to attend to! Oh yes, Minister Fudge relies on me for all of his most important tasks. I don't care what my father says, I deserved my promotion to Jr. Assistant to the Minister for Magic! I worked hard for this promotion! The Minister most certainly did not promote me merely to spy upon my father and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix. My father is... Perhaps it is improper for me to air my family's dirty laundry in public, but I daresay that the Minister promoted me despite my father's reputation for, I am sorry to say, oddness and incompetence. I will prove that I was promoted solely on my own merits, even if it means cutting off all ties with my family! One day they'll be sorry and when they apologize to me I shall of course accept them all back with open arms and a forgiving heart. They are my family after all. I do love them, no matter how loud and rambunctious they may be.
I do miss them all, especially Ron. I wish I knew why he didn't like me. He and the twins never gave our elder brothers Bill and Charlie as much grief as they've given to me. But no matter! One day Ron will realize how important my work at the Ministry really is, and he will be sorry that he was so cold towards me. One day I am quite sure that I will have it all, my splendid career and the love and respect of my family. What a splendid day that will be!
I can't stay long, I'm afraid. I've got important matters to attend to! Oh yes, Minister Fudge relies on me for all of his most important tasks. I don't care what my father says, I deserved my promotion to Jr. Assistant to the Minister for Magic! I worked hard for this promotion! The Minister most certainly did not promote me merely to spy upon my father and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix. My father is... Perhaps it is improper for me to air my family's dirty laundry in public, but I daresay that the Minister promoted me despite my father's reputation for, I am sorry to say, oddness and incompetence. I will prove that I was promoted solely on my own merits, even if it means cutting off all ties with my family! One day they'll be sorry and when they apologize to me I shall of course accept them all back with open arms and a forgiving heart. They are my family after all. I do love them, no matter how loud and rambunctious they may be.
I do miss them all, especially Ron. I wish I knew why he didn't like me. He and the twins never gave our elder brothers Bill and Charlie as much grief as they've given to me. But no matter! One day Ron will realize how important my work at the Ministry really is, and he will be sorry that he was so cold towards me. One day I am quite sure that I will have it all, my splendid career and the love and respect of my family. What a splendid day that will be!