Strange World
My mind seems full, I don't know why, I think I've been reflecting to much.
It's almost school time and I have no where near the amount of money needed to buy my mallets I so desperately want.
The thing that I think is clogging my minds is the nature of human beings. I have yet in my existance to find a person who loves everything about themselves. I'm guilty of it, but I am at peace with what I don't like about myself and am even starting to like it, but others who have nothing to complain about are upset with the way they look.
I'm not the best looking man on the planet, and I don't care about how I look, I used to care then I should about how others think I look, but I don't anymore, I'll look good to the right woman.
Perfectly wonderful people who look GREAT! still down themselves. So the spend a lot of time hiding from people and getting other people to live their life for them (ask if he likes me, get his phone number for me stuff...etc) and don't enjoy it.
I look for the best in people and I usually see it, even in the meanest, cruelest, most disturbed of human beings.
I'm also afraid that I'm starting to care less and less about people's problems. I've heard so many sad stories, and horrific tales that I'm becoming used to it, It used to hurt, and now it doesn't. If it isn't to desperately tragic then I almost don't want to hear it. Someone told me they are bulimic and cut themselves and I thought "ughh... not another one" then I caught myself and was vastly disturbed.
Also I have this thing with women, I like to many at a time. I can't keep liking one person, its like the more I see them the more I like them. I think I like one person and I end up seeing another girl and forget about them. When I tell someone I like them, I sincerely do but like if their isn't a chance I don't get upset b/c there is usually someone else I'll like after I tell them really quick. (that's confusing).
For example I liked someone for a while and we talked and about 6 months later I told her I liked her, she said the usual let's be friends and I'm okay with that but I feel horrible flirting or talking to other women in front of her b/c i feel like I'm betraying them. That feeling makes me feel conceited like me liking them is so great when it stops they should be hurt.
I also can't say no to anyone, I hate hurting ppl's feeling, I dated a girl I DID NOT like for like 2 weeks b/c I didn't want to upset her but it was torture to me so I finally broke up with her but felt terrible about it, I wish I could be more blunt about my feeling.
ALSO...(I know this is a lot of stuff, I told you my mind is full) I am a confidant to a lot of women, and they talk a lot of crap about a lot of people (not all of them, but most) and I always have to think who are they talking about me too. It is a bothersome thought.
ALSO...Why is our world so obsessed with sex?
People who don't do have sex or are trying to stay pure spend a large majority of their time resisting temptation, avoiding illicit situations, looking for signs of it to stay away from it.
People who do have sex, do everything in their power to keep doing it with as many people as they can. Men buy cars to impress women to have sex, Women by dresses that show way to much to entice men to have sex with them. Both parties flaunt and brag and manipulate and decieve and cheat and lie and buy to have sex. If you took sex away do you know how much happiness their would be. People wouldn't insist on such superficial things to impress people they would simply be them for their is no ultimate goal of theres to reach.
Even those of us who are avoiding still, spend to much time with it its around us everywhere almost impossible to elude. Even we have a goal to not have sex till were married, hopefully for God, but it ends up to impress other men/women or their future spouse.
I wish the world could be at peace with their hormones, it clouds up things, It veils love, ruins freindships and can be deadly. Sex is beautiful, a most wonderful act and it brings life, but sex for love and sex for pleasure are different and one is an all consuming obsession which has sweeped the nation and has brought us to this place in the world.
I feel much much better now. I feel clearer and ready to face the world and be goofy again...tee hee hee
It's almost school time and I have no where near the amount of money needed to buy my mallets I so desperately want.
The thing that I think is clogging my minds is the nature of human beings. I have yet in my existance to find a person who loves everything about themselves. I'm guilty of it, but I am at peace with what I don't like about myself and am even starting to like it, but others who have nothing to complain about are upset with the way they look.
I'm not the best looking man on the planet, and I don't care about how I look, I used to care then I should about how others think I look, but I don't anymore, I'll look good to the right woman.
Perfectly wonderful people who look GREAT! still down themselves. So the spend a lot of time hiding from people and getting other people to live their life for them (ask if he likes me, get his phone number for me stuff...etc) and don't enjoy it.
I look for the best in people and I usually see it, even in the meanest, cruelest, most disturbed of human beings.
I'm also afraid that I'm starting to care less and less about people's problems. I've heard so many sad stories, and horrific tales that I'm becoming used to it, It used to hurt, and now it doesn't. If it isn't to desperately tragic then I almost don't want to hear it. Someone told me they are bulimic and cut themselves and I thought "ughh... not another one" then I caught myself and was vastly disturbed.
Also I have this thing with women, I like to many at a time. I can't keep liking one person, its like the more I see them the more I like them. I think I like one person and I end up seeing another girl and forget about them. When I tell someone I like them, I sincerely do but like if their isn't a chance I don't get upset b/c there is usually someone else I'll like after I tell them really quick. (that's confusing).
For example I liked someone for a while and we talked and about 6 months later I told her I liked her, she said the usual let's be friends and I'm okay with that but I feel horrible flirting or talking to other women in front of her b/c i feel like I'm betraying them. That feeling makes me feel conceited like me liking them is so great when it stops they should be hurt.
I also can't say no to anyone, I hate hurting ppl's feeling, I dated a girl I DID NOT like for like 2 weeks b/c I didn't want to upset her but it was torture to me so I finally broke up with her but felt terrible about it, I wish I could be more blunt about my feeling.
ALSO...(I know this is a lot of stuff, I told you my mind is full) I am a confidant to a lot of women, and they talk a lot of crap about a lot of people (not all of them, but most) and I always have to think who are they talking about me too. It is a bothersome thought.
ALSO...Why is our world so obsessed with sex?
People who don't do have sex or are trying to stay pure spend a large majority of their time resisting temptation, avoiding illicit situations, looking for signs of it to stay away from it.
People who do have sex, do everything in their power to keep doing it with as many people as they can. Men buy cars to impress women to have sex, Women by dresses that show way to much to entice men to have sex with them. Both parties flaunt and brag and manipulate and decieve and cheat and lie and buy to have sex. If you took sex away do you know how much happiness their would be. People wouldn't insist on such superficial things to impress people they would simply be them for their is no ultimate goal of theres to reach.
Even those of us who are avoiding still, spend to much time with it its around us everywhere almost impossible to elude. Even we have a goal to not have sex till were married, hopefully for God, but it ends up to impress other men/women or their future spouse.
I wish the world could be at peace with their hormones, it clouds up things, It veils love, ruins freindships and can be deadly. Sex is beautiful, a most wonderful act and it brings life, but sex for love and sex for pleasure are different and one is an all consuming obsession which has sweeped the nation and has brought us to this place in the world.
I feel much much better now. I feel clearer and ready to face the world and be goofy again...tee hee hee