Doctor Who: Deserted (part 03)
Title: Deserted (part 03)
Author: percontata
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: John Smith ("Handy"), Jack, Donna
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,300 (2,650 total)
Warnings: Spoilers for S04E13.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I'm just having fun with them. Not responsible for underage readers.
Summary: Sometimes journeys of self-discovery bring you full-circle.
He didn't know where he was going. For that matter, he hardly knew where he'd been the past couple weeks. There was the distinct memory of taking the ferry from Bergen to Lerwick, and then catching another to Scrabster. But then it was nothing but vague wanderings until he'd ended up on a train, and that only lasted until he was kicked out near Tain. Kicked off the train at Tain, now wasn't that something. Still, it was a blow to realize he'd forgotten that he no longer had the psychic paper.
Just one more thing about being The Doctor that he'd taken for granted.
All that followed was just the unimportant travelings of a hitchhiker, a man with no control over his destination. That control was given up to whomever granted him passage. How different things were, knowing he would forever be a passenger and never at the controls again--at least, not where it mattered.
But still, he remembered Inverness and Edinburgh. Somewhere between the two, he'd decided to visit Northumberland National Park next, and oh, how glad he was that he had. The quietude of the hills and valleys was not the same as the silence of Bad Wolf Bay. That had been more a tribute to solitary existence, with its stretch of sand and sea, horizons with no song but that of oblivion. But this place... it was full of life, and promise, and hope. He'd needed hope, more than he'd cared to admit.
And if all that came before was blurred into monochrome dispassion, the following faces and places were blurred by something entirely different. He wasn't sure what it was, but after the park, he'd felt infused with a need, a need to seek out what lay ahead. But he didn't find that compelling something in Carlisle, or in Leeds. He hadn't even meant to end up in Leeds, he'd been headed for Wigan, but he doubted he would have found it there, either. Sheffield and Cheltenham rushed entirely past him, and it wasn't until he'd nearly headed for Oxford that he'd decided to head west, instead.
He was going to Cardiff.
::
It had taken nearly three weeks from leaving Norway, but "John Smith" eventually found his way to Mermaid Quay. And it was there, when down to the last few quid he'd managed to scrape together from odd jobs and cheap magic tricks along the way, and having just decided on Coffee Mania over Starbucks, that he was attacked.
Well, not so much attacked, though his heart (he'd only just stopped thinking one heart, only one bloody heart a few days prior) certainly thought so. The arms swinging him round were friendly, if not a bit too much so.
"Doctor!" Jack flashed him that trademark grin of his. "What are you doing here? You should have stopped by the Hub!"
As relieved as he was to see a familiar face, he couldn't resist quirking an eyebrow at Jack's presence. "Me? I'm surprised to see you here. What happened to your coffee boy?"
"Gone to London, to...ah, you know. Check up on her."
Her?
Jack must have taken his confusion for something different, because the man suddenly seemed--of all things--nervous. "I didn't think you'd mind. Hell, I thought you'd be glad someone was keeping an eye on her."
"What are you on about?"
At that, Jack seemed just as confused as he felt. "Donna."
Oh. Oh, that was not good.
He'd thought that Donna had gone on with the Doctor, the real Doctor, taking on new adventures and excitement at every turn. But in retrospect, it seemed so obvious, and he wanted to kick himself.
Part human, part Time Lord. Another like him. Another who was unacceptable.
It was just more damage control.
Of course, of course he wouldn't have taken her along with him. Because that would mean accepting that she ought to exist by his side, while he had no place here. Genocidal time bomb, that was what he thought. But then... there was also the problem of a Time Lord mind in a human body. Certainly, he was in the same situation, but he'd been created that way; she'd had all of that thrust upon her. All of that mind...
And then it clicked into place.
He'd wiped her mind.
It was the only way to save her. For her to live, she'd had to lose everything she'd become. He thought he'd rather die than lose his mind like that, but then, he'd never been fully human. But he understood the rationalization, and of all things, it made him furious.
He understood that the other Doctor had done what he'd seen as necessary, and in the same place, he was certain that he would have made the same decision. But it was the fact that in this circumstance, his other self could accept the responsibility of doing what was needed. Yet he had been condemned and cast aside for making his own decision about what needed to be done.
Maybe the true Doctor felt regret for what he'd done to Donna. Or maybe he'd pushed the feelings away, hid them far away in the corners of his ever-whirling mind, because that was the only way he could exist. He, after all, would outlive the rest, because humans grew old and withered and died and that was simply that, nothing to do for it but mourn and move on. That was what it meant to be the last of the Time Lords.
But he, in this form, had the curse of humanity. He would wither and die, just the same as those he'd always had to leave behind. He didn't have to hurtle onwards--couldn't, in fact, but that was beside the point.
"Jack, when is Ianto due back?"
"He should be back this afternoon." The eyebrow quirk came on cue.
"Don't give me that look, you wanker. I know what you're thinking." Ah, but he did miss Jack, even if the smarmy bastard took the opportunity to infuse every situation with an improper amount of innuendo. It was part of the charm, he supposed. But would that change when Jack realized he wasn't who he assumed?
Well, probably not. But it was difficult to tell whether that should be reassuring.
"So, you're coming back to the Hub with me, right? I didn't see the TARDIS out front."
He glanced at his watch. It wasn't even ten in the morning and already it was time for awkward explanations. Excellent. "Well... It isn't here."
"What the hell do you mean, it isn't here?"
"Just what I said. I've got no bloody clue where it is."
"Did you lose it?"
"No, I didn't lose it. How the hell do you lose a TARDIS?"
"You do have a habit of misplacing it, you know. From time to time." He just glared at Jack for that barb. "Where's the last place you saw it?"
"Norway."
"Norway?"
"Yes, Norway. When my... ah, predecessor marooned me there. Though he probably expects me to be off in a parallel universe by now."
Ah, there it was--that look one gets when the jumbled pieces fall into place. At least it wasn't accompanied by a look of disappointment. Though the wry smirk was unexpected.
"Marooned, huh?"
So that's what that was for. "Yes, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry. I... didn't know."
Jack didn't say anything for a moment, and they continued on their way to the Hub in strained silence. But Jack wasn't one for self-restraint, so it wasn't long before he said, "I'm not going to say it's okay, because it isn't. But it's good that you know now."
He nodded. That was the best he could have hoped for, really.
Author: percontata
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: John Smith ("Handy"), Jack, Donna
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,300 (2,650 total)
Warnings: Spoilers for S04E13.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I'm just having fun with them. Not responsible for underage readers.
Summary: Sometimes journeys of self-discovery bring you full-circle.
He didn't know where he was going. For that matter, he hardly knew where he'd been the past couple weeks. There was the distinct memory of taking the ferry from Bergen to Lerwick, and then catching another to Scrabster. But then it was nothing but vague wanderings until he'd ended up on a train, and that only lasted until he was kicked out near Tain. Kicked off the train at Tain, now wasn't that something. Still, it was a blow to realize he'd forgotten that he no longer had the psychic paper.
Just one more thing about being The Doctor that he'd taken for granted.
All that followed was just the unimportant travelings of a hitchhiker, a man with no control over his destination. That control was given up to whomever granted him passage. How different things were, knowing he would forever be a passenger and never at the controls again--at least, not where it mattered.
But still, he remembered Inverness and Edinburgh. Somewhere between the two, he'd decided to visit Northumberland National Park next, and oh, how glad he was that he had. The quietude of the hills and valleys was not the same as the silence of Bad Wolf Bay. That had been more a tribute to solitary existence, with its stretch of sand and sea, horizons with no song but that of oblivion. But this place... it was full of life, and promise, and hope. He'd needed hope, more than he'd cared to admit.
And if all that came before was blurred into monochrome dispassion, the following faces and places were blurred by something entirely different. He wasn't sure what it was, but after the park, he'd felt infused with a need, a need to seek out what lay ahead. But he didn't find that compelling something in Carlisle, or in Leeds. He hadn't even meant to end up in Leeds, he'd been headed for Wigan, but he doubted he would have found it there, either. Sheffield and Cheltenham rushed entirely past him, and it wasn't until he'd nearly headed for Oxford that he'd decided to head west, instead.
He was going to Cardiff.
::
It had taken nearly three weeks from leaving Norway, but "John Smith" eventually found his way to Mermaid Quay. And it was there, when down to the last few quid he'd managed to scrape together from odd jobs and cheap magic tricks along the way, and having just decided on Coffee Mania over Starbucks, that he was attacked.
Well, not so much attacked, though his heart (he'd only just stopped thinking one heart, only one bloody heart a few days prior) certainly thought so. The arms swinging him round were friendly, if not a bit too much so.
"Doctor!" Jack flashed him that trademark grin of his. "What are you doing here? You should have stopped by the Hub!"
As relieved as he was to see a familiar face, he couldn't resist quirking an eyebrow at Jack's presence. "Me? I'm surprised to see you here. What happened to your coffee boy?"
"Gone to London, to...ah, you know. Check up on her."
Her?
Jack must have taken his confusion for something different, because the man suddenly seemed--of all things--nervous. "I didn't think you'd mind. Hell, I thought you'd be glad someone was keeping an eye on her."
"What are you on about?"
At that, Jack seemed just as confused as he felt. "Donna."
Oh. Oh, that was not good.
He'd thought that Donna had gone on with the Doctor, the real Doctor, taking on new adventures and excitement at every turn. But in retrospect, it seemed so obvious, and he wanted to kick himself.
Part human, part Time Lord. Another like him. Another who was unacceptable.
It was just more damage control.
Of course, of course he wouldn't have taken her along with him. Because that would mean accepting that she ought to exist by his side, while he had no place here. Genocidal time bomb, that was what he thought. But then... there was also the problem of a Time Lord mind in a human body. Certainly, he was in the same situation, but he'd been created that way; she'd had all of that thrust upon her. All of that mind...
And then it clicked into place.
He'd wiped her mind.
It was the only way to save her. For her to live, she'd had to lose everything she'd become. He thought he'd rather die than lose his mind like that, but then, he'd never been fully human. But he understood the rationalization, and of all things, it made him furious.
He understood that the other Doctor had done what he'd seen as necessary, and in the same place, he was certain that he would have made the same decision. But it was the fact that in this circumstance, his other self could accept the responsibility of doing what was needed. Yet he had been condemned and cast aside for making his own decision about what needed to be done.
Maybe the true Doctor felt regret for what he'd done to Donna. Or maybe he'd pushed the feelings away, hid them far away in the corners of his ever-whirling mind, because that was the only way he could exist. He, after all, would outlive the rest, because humans grew old and withered and died and that was simply that, nothing to do for it but mourn and move on. That was what it meant to be the last of the Time Lords.
But he, in this form, had the curse of humanity. He would wither and die, just the same as those he'd always had to leave behind. He didn't have to hurtle onwards--couldn't, in fact, but that was beside the point.
"Jack, when is Ianto due back?"
"He should be back this afternoon." The eyebrow quirk came on cue.
"Don't give me that look, you wanker. I know what you're thinking." Ah, but he did miss Jack, even if the smarmy bastard took the opportunity to infuse every situation with an improper amount of innuendo. It was part of the charm, he supposed. But would that change when Jack realized he wasn't who he assumed?
Well, probably not. But it was difficult to tell whether that should be reassuring.
"So, you're coming back to the Hub with me, right? I didn't see the TARDIS out front."
He glanced at his watch. It wasn't even ten in the morning and already it was time for awkward explanations. Excellent. "Well... It isn't here."
"What the hell do you mean, it isn't here?"
"Just what I said. I've got no bloody clue where it is."
"Did you lose it?"
"No, I didn't lose it. How the hell do you lose a TARDIS?"
"You do have a habit of misplacing it, you know. From time to time." He just glared at Jack for that barb. "Where's the last place you saw it?"
"Norway."
"Norway?"
"Yes, Norway. When my... ah, predecessor marooned me there. Though he probably expects me to be off in a parallel universe by now."
Ah, there it was--that look one gets when the jumbled pieces fall into place. At least it wasn't accompanied by a look of disappointment. Though the wry smirk was unexpected.
"Marooned, huh?"
So that's what that was for. "Yes, and for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Really, truly sorry. I... didn't know."
Jack didn't say anything for a moment, and they continued on their way to the Hub in strained silence. But Jack wasn't one for self-restraint, so it wasn't long before he said, "I'm not going to say it's okay, because it isn't. But it's good that you know now."
He nodded. That was the best he could have hoped for, really.