Heavily Warded Private Post: Last Night
We could have never worked. Never. Well, not in this lifetime anyway. Even if he did say he could have loved me. And even if Neville and Remus were not already in his heart, we are too different. I must believe that.
I spent last night with him, but not as you think. I wrote last night that I had left the ball early so he could be with Neville. Neville was with Remus. I didn't know that, and could curse myself for not knowing, for causing him pain.
Sirius replied to my post to him, that explained my actions. I couldn't have felt worse. He had planned on the evening being with me, and I deserted him. He was terribly broken up. At first, I resisted the urge to go to him, sticking to my resolve not to become more attached, but then, then he wrote, "I can't handle this as a man anymore. " I think my heart stopped when I read that. I ran around my room for the bare essentials in clothing and jumped into the fireplace. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see him pacing his room as Padfoot. I knew it was probably what he had meant but the panic that had gripped me was too horrid to deny.
After that, it was a very strange night. We talked; or rather I did for most of it. He stayed Padfoot. It was only at the end when I said something criminally stupid that he became Sirius again. After that, he... we... talked. It's still to painful to tell about here. I asked if I could stay, and I was able to hold him in my arms again. It was just we two in that big bed where it started.
I think that even if Sirius will no longer be my lover, I'm happy to have him as a friend. That, I think, we can do. It's more than I deserve really.
Percy Weasley
I spent last night with him, but not as you think. I wrote last night that I had left the ball early so he could be with Neville. Neville was with Remus. I didn't know that, and could curse myself for not knowing, for causing him pain.
Sirius replied to my post to him, that explained my actions. I couldn't have felt worse. He had planned on the evening being with me, and I deserted him. He was terribly broken up. At first, I resisted the urge to go to him, sticking to my resolve not to become more attached, but then, then he wrote, "I can't handle this as a man anymore. " I think my heart stopped when I read that. I ran around my room for the bare essentials in clothing and jumped into the fireplace. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to see him pacing his room as Padfoot. I knew it was probably what he had meant but the panic that had gripped me was too horrid to deny.
After that, it was a very strange night. We talked; or rather I did for most of it. He stayed Padfoot. It was only at the end when I said something criminally stupid that he became Sirius again. After that, he... we... talked. It's still to painful to tell about here. I asked if I could stay, and I was able to hold him in my arms again. It was just we two in that big bed where it started.
I think that even if Sirius will no longer be my lover, I'm happy to have him as a friend. That, I think, we can do. It's more than I deserve really.
Percy Weasley