Private Post: Eventful Day
Right, well the day is FINALLY over. It’s past midnight and I really should get to bed so I can work in the morning but, I needed to put my day in some sort of order.
I wrote this morning about last night. Well, after that we had a nice breakfast, and we talked. I had to ask what this was that had just happened. Even though I expected it, I can’t help the tiny twinge that went though me when he told me, "This was affection. Discovery. Joy. It wasn't love and I won't pretend it was, but it felt bloody brilliant and I'd like to think you agreed with that assessment, at least during. I wanted you and you, against all expectation, wanted me back" There are some good sentiments there, and really more than I thought I would get. Still, I guess after the amazing night we’d had I had a wild hope in me that I would have love, Real Love. I know a relationship wouldn’t have worked with Sirius, he’s too wild a character for me but… It was too much to dream I guess. All the same I find I don’t regret it. I felt that longing again when he softly kissed my hand in that casual manner of his.
Its almost like I’ve found myself in a desert with miles of sand in every direction. Sirius has handed me a little glass of water, and walked away. I’m left there with that water, good in itself, but wishing for more, needing more. All I have to anticipate after this bet is over is more and more desert.
Thinking this, I almost want to curse Sirius Black, for making me aware of this longing. It will be impossible for me to forget and go back to life as it was now. I feel like I’ve only ‘borrowed’ Sirius. I am scared that I’ll never find anyone else, which isn’t new. I’ve always been scared of that since Penny but, before though it wasn’t something I really wanted, having Penny as my example. But now, knowing how much I enjoyed Sirius, it gives me the idea that it doesn’t have to be like Penny and me. I want that now. And I’m afraid I’ll never have it for my own.
Well, after talking for a bit, and for even more, Sirius took me to the Children’s House just after their lunch. It was… an experience. They swarmed Sirius and me like bees on honey! They asked billions of questions “Are you really Ron’s Brother?” “Do you All have Red Hair!” “Will you look at this bird nest I found?” It was terrifying even as it was flattering. Finally Sirius broke it up by pouncing on me in his Animagus form of a giant dog. This of course brought the whole lot down on top of us. It was, fun, to be including in that. My brothers have always thought me too stiff to want to do things like that, though I’ve always secretly wished they’d included me.
From there it’s a whirlwind. I got paints all over me when they showed me their arts and crafts. I had to chase wee ones all over the lawn playing tag, and was tackled many more times. I’ve never been so dirty of my own will before. It ended too soon in my opinion when Neville Longbottom announced the kids needed dinner.
I was invited but only nibbled since I planned on a Weasley Dinner at 7pm. Sirius sat on one side but I’m afraid I neglected him. Cecil, a little 7-year-old boy with large eyes and black hair, was on my other side and demanded all of my attention. I hope he doesn’t take offense.
Sirius invited me to stay with him longer into the evening even though I officially won my part of the bet at 7, I was sad to decline. I made my way home. What I found there was both a disappointment and a relief. My family all had things come up, and asked in varied was if they could reschedule next week. Oh well Next Week it is. Just hope we have better luck next time. It did make me wish I’d taken Sirius up on his offer though. I was too shy to floo him and ask if it was still an option.
So that is my day Journal, in all its oddness. Now I must get some sleep.
Percy
I wrote this morning about last night. Well, after that we had a nice breakfast, and we talked. I had to ask what this was that had just happened. Even though I expected it, I can’t help the tiny twinge that went though me when he told me, "This was affection. Discovery. Joy. It wasn't love and I won't pretend it was, but it felt bloody brilliant and I'd like to think you agreed with that assessment, at least during. I wanted you and you, against all expectation, wanted me back" There are some good sentiments there, and really more than I thought I would get. Still, I guess after the amazing night we’d had I had a wild hope in me that I would have love, Real Love. I know a relationship wouldn’t have worked with Sirius, he’s too wild a character for me but… It was too much to dream I guess. All the same I find I don’t regret it. I felt that longing again when he softly kissed my hand in that casual manner of his.
Its almost like I’ve found myself in a desert with miles of sand in every direction. Sirius has handed me a little glass of water, and walked away. I’m left there with that water, good in itself, but wishing for more, needing more. All I have to anticipate after this bet is over is more and more desert.
Thinking this, I almost want to curse Sirius Black, for making me aware of this longing. It will be impossible for me to forget and go back to life as it was now. I feel like I’ve only ‘borrowed’ Sirius. I am scared that I’ll never find anyone else, which isn’t new. I’ve always been scared of that since Penny but, before though it wasn’t something I really wanted, having Penny as my example. But now, knowing how much I enjoyed Sirius, it gives me the idea that it doesn’t have to be like Penny and me. I want that now. And I’m afraid I’ll never have it for my own.
Well, after talking for a bit, and for even more, Sirius took me to the Children’s House just after their lunch. It was… an experience. They swarmed Sirius and me like bees on honey! They asked billions of questions “Are you really Ron’s Brother?” “Do you All have Red Hair!” “Will you look at this bird nest I found?” It was terrifying even as it was flattering. Finally Sirius broke it up by pouncing on me in his Animagus form of a giant dog. This of course brought the whole lot down on top of us. It was, fun, to be including in that. My brothers have always thought me too stiff to want to do things like that, though I’ve always secretly wished they’d included me.
From there it’s a whirlwind. I got paints all over me when they showed me their arts and crafts. I had to chase wee ones all over the lawn playing tag, and was tackled many more times. I’ve never been so dirty of my own will before. It ended too soon in my opinion when Neville Longbottom announced the kids needed dinner.
I was invited but only nibbled since I planned on a Weasley Dinner at 7pm. Sirius sat on one side but I’m afraid I neglected him. Cecil, a little 7-year-old boy with large eyes and black hair, was on my other side and demanded all of my attention. I hope he doesn’t take offense.
Sirius invited me to stay with him longer into the evening even though I officially won my part of the bet at 7, I was sad to decline. I made my way home. What I found there was both a disappointment and a relief. My family all had things come up, and asked in varied was if they could reschedule next week. Oh well Next Week it is. Just hope we have better luck next time. It did make me wish I’d taken Sirius up on his offer though. I was too shy to floo him and ask if it was still an option.
So that is my day Journal, in all its oddness. Now I must get some sleep.
Percy