(no subject)
wow. i haven't posted.
so. Paul quit/got fired from the cruise job. he couldn't learn and do things right and fast enough. i hate to say it, but i was expecting it. i just wasn't expecting it so soon. i thought at the least 2 weeks.
while he was out, i was wondering whether we should take a break. because... well, second thoughts and i have not been strangers. because there have been some issues. not terrible horrible issues, but thing that should be addressed none the less. but they never were. or were brought up, but never really solved. so nothing changed...for months. because there were bigger issues, like money tearing his family apart. and the stress of that.
anyway. he came home saturday. there was talking. i got the distinct feeling like i should break up with him. i did not feel right in the relationship, and i didn't want to keep waiting, as much as i love him. but i couldn't decide whether to travel up there and do it in person, or unfortunately over the phone. as much as i wanted to kiss him one more time, i decided not to do it in person. very sad, i know, but i think my emotions would get the best of me and i would chicken out again. i needed to make sure i did the right thing.
so i had to do it over the phone. and i still wish i could kiss him one more time.
it's hard, after having invested so much in one year. and God knows i have INVESTED in Paul. not just finatioally but SO emotionally.
it's tough. Paul, thank God, said we would talk again. and thank God for my Mom. she has been great through out this.
so it is really weird to say that i am single again. because there is still love between us. and it would still makes me pretty upset to think if Paul is with another girl... but we don't know what the future holds. we both have things to work on.
just feeling "post break-up"...air? like you aer hugging something, and suddenly it disappears and your arms collapse air. that's how i would describe it. i miss his cute things, his cute sayings... ok, sorry. i'm done.
so that happened last night.
today i was in Riverside Park doing yoga on the top of this little hill. i was surprised to find a man with a little doxond (sp? weiner-dog) taking pictures. he was cool with me doing yoga. so i was going my thing, then chillin' and he comes up and and asks if i have considered getting exercising photos taken. you know, like kinetic shots. well no, i haven't! he tells me how he took some pictures for an acting friend of his, and with it got a running commercial for Addidas. sweet deal! even sweeter? for freeeee. oh i am all. over. that. i don't really like my photos anyway. so, awesome. i gave him my car, he emailed me and is going to send some sample photos my way, and i think i want to shoot at the end of the month.
today at work started really slowly, but thenat around 5:45 it got crazy. only 6 check ins? lowest occupancy in 3 months? how does that work? wwhatevs. it'll probably slow back down seeing as i am here until 12.
oh, sisnging has been bad. lots of post nasal drip. and i currently don't have insurance to get my prescription. so, much suck.
that's that for now.
uhh...g'night.
so. Paul quit/got fired from the cruise job. he couldn't learn and do things right and fast enough. i hate to say it, but i was expecting it. i just wasn't expecting it so soon. i thought at the least 2 weeks.
while he was out, i was wondering whether we should take a break. because... well, second thoughts and i have not been strangers. because there have been some issues. not terrible horrible issues, but thing that should be addressed none the less. but they never were. or were brought up, but never really solved. so nothing changed...for months. because there were bigger issues, like money tearing his family apart. and the stress of that.
anyway. he came home saturday. there was talking. i got the distinct feeling like i should break up with him. i did not feel right in the relationship, and i didn't want to keep waiting, as much as i love him. but i couldn't decide whether to travel up there and do it in person, or unfortunately over the phone. as much as i wanted to kiss him one more time, i decided not to do it in person. very sad, i know, but i think my emotions would get the best of me and i would chicken out again. i needed to make sure i did the right thing.
so i had to do it over the phone. and i still wish i could kiss him one more time.
it's hard, after having invested so much in one year. and God knows i have INVESTED in Paul. not just finatioally but SO emotionally.
it's tough. Paul, thank God, said we would talk again. and thank God for my Mom. she has been great through out this.
so it is really weird to say that i am single again. because there is still love between us. and it would still makes me pretty upset to think if Paul is with another girl... but we don't know what the future holds. we both have things to work on.
just feeling "post break-up"...air? like you aer hugging something, and suddenly it disappears and your arms collapse air. that's how i would describe it. i miss his cute things, his cute sayings... ok, sorry. i'm done.
so that happened last night.
today i was in Riverside Park doing yoga on the top of this little hill. i was surprised to find a man with a little doxond (sp? weiner-dog) taking pictures. he was cool with me doing yoga. so i was going my thing, then chillin' and he comes up and and asks if i have considered getting exercising photos taken. you know, like kinetic shots. well no, i haven't! he tells me how he took some pictures for an acting friend of his, and with it got a running commercial for Addidas. sweet deal! even sweeter? for freeeee. oh i am all. over. that. i don't really like my photos anyway. so, awesome. i gave him my car, he emailed me and is going to send some sample photos my way, and i think i want to shoot at the end of the month.
today at work started really slowly, but thenat around 5:45 it got crazy. only 6 check ins? lowest occupancy in 3 months? how does that work? wwhatevs. it'll probably slow back down seeing as i am here until 12.
oh, sisnging has been bad. lots of post nasal drip. and i currently don't have insurance to get my prescription. so, much suck.
that's that for now.
uhh...g'night.