an open letter
i wrote this as a response to something one of my friend's friends said. they had been talking about the elections in the USA, and in the heat of the moment, he made a comment that seemed to denounce female rights. he probably didn't think through what he had said before actually saying it, so i don't hold any anger towards him.
i haven't edited this yet. maybe some day i will. but for now, it's here because this blog is an archive of my writing, and i think this counts as an important point in writing to me.
hello. i do not know you. but i find your views very abhorrent, and i write this letter to you to calmly, and rationally, inform you that your view of women's rights as being unimportant are simply wrong. you are free to call me a feminist. because then i will get to rail at you, scream about how you simply radiate male privilege, and maybe i will claw your eyes out while shaving my hair into a crew cut and denouncing marriage because isn't that what feminists do?
on a side note, i do not dismiss the importance of foreign policy. foreign policy has always been crucial - a country does not exist in isolation, but in constant flux alongside the rest of the world. to ignore world politics would be foolish and stupid, perhaps even immoral. but to regard it as the sole determinant of leadership potential seems to overlook one very important thing - females exist in your life, in your world. your mum? your relatives? your siblings? your friends? world politics are important. but it's the politics within your microcosm of a society that affect you on a day-to-day basis. everyday, you interact with real people - real women. remember this.
so now, take a step back, just for a moment, and imagine with me a scenario that - trust me - will never, ever, ever happen:
you have sex with a girl. unprotected sex, because you don't have access to birth control, and neither does she. you'll pull out, you say. you won't ejaculate into her, you say. but you do. so there you go - you've got a baby on the way now, maybe ten years too early. you're starting out your career, or maybe your degree - and you just can't afford a baby now. you know it. she knows it. no matter how much you want this baby - you can't have it. and yet you must. abortion is illegal. and illegal methods of abortion are dangerous - perhaps even with punitive consequences (after all, if you make abortion illegal at the federal level, then surely some form of punishment must go along with that law?). so you put your degree, your career, your work, your life, your self on hold for nine months. nine months and then some. and then more. you welcome a child - for the argument's sake, let's say it's a she - into the world nine months later. congratulations, you now hold in your arms someone who doesn't get to be under your healthcare, or insurance, plan. which is kind of troubling, because infancy is still a fairly dangerous period for a child, in spite of all the advances we've made in post-natal and early childhood medicine. as will the rest of her life, because life is risky and sometimes you don't know what hand you've been dealt until it's too late.
let's review what life is for you right now: a daughter you didn't intend to have. a life you have put on hold. insufficient healthcare. okay. still with me?
so she grows up. she cooks, and cleans - oh my, what's this, that's all? all your daughter does is cook, and clean, and stay in the kitchen? what about university? what about a mind of her own? meh, who needs that. psh, women's rights. who needs them. after all - policies have ensured that 200 million people in the world have continued to live, despite 200 million females in your country being stripped off their rights. policies have ensured stability in the world, and reduced your country to something resembling the middle ages.
your daughter is older now. she's menustrating. she's able to get pregnant. not that you want her to. especially not through rape. after all - rape is a crime. rape violates her body and her mind and her soul. i have not been raped before. but i do fear it - i fear it, when i see men leer at me. as if my breasts are all that determine my self-worth. i fear it, when i return home just a tad too late - around nine, sometimes; eleven, sometimes - and have to walk past guys who bare no shame in their wide-eyed stares. as if i am a piece of meat. i fear it, when guys who are taller and stronger and wider than most girls joke about raping a girl if she doesn't do what they want. they say bullying is bad. but why not rape?
unfortunately, she does get raped. she gets attacked and raped. shame permeates her movements. she will recover, eventually. many do. many move on, in a sign of strength. some don't. i mock neither group, because i can only imagine what it must be like to have your body - your self - violated by strangers. worse, by people you know. and i don't want to imagine it.
your daughter is pregnant. by her rapist. a man who attacked her, and left her with indelible scars. physical wounds will heal. psychological ones take much longer. and she can't get an abortion either. maybe she's the kind of woman who's terrified - terrified that she carries part of her attacker in her. and when the child is born, the thought that he or she was born of violence will always be attached. maybe she's the kind that puts no blame on the child. that makes sense too. both sides do. maybe she will love the child, maybe she won't - but i'm quite sure she will always remember that the child was born not of love but of a violent, cruel crime.
as her belly grows, you try to build a case against the rapist. this was the man - maybe multiple men - who violated your daughter. who raped her. who changed her in ways maybe even she cannot yet imagine. the case never really gains traction - she was looking for it, after all. who asked her to wear that dress? she showed a little bit of skin - clearly, she was asking for it. it's not the guy's fault. it's all her. you'd think the people saying this would realise it reduces men to the basest of creatures, slave to their desires, but oh well. rape culture. it exists. in this universe, it still does. the guy gets off with little punishment - it's not his fault. she was asking for it. who asked her not to stay in the kitchen? who asked her to go out and have fun and return home just a little late. i mean, yeah, he wouldn't have attacked or done anything if it had been a guy walking past him. but she's a girl. so. what was he to have done? you cannot blame him. you cannot.
nine months later, your daughter goes into labour. because children do not just pop out of thin air. no. the mother has to endure nine months of pain and discomfort before she finally goes through labour. those nine months can be relatively alright - little morning sickness, maybe some swollen feet - or hell - throwing up, nausea, headaches, bouts of emotional distress because she's carrying her rapist's child. labour isn't easy either. some have it easy - others don't. you can die during childbirth. has it ever occurred to you that women can die in childbirth? it's not as though she lies down and poof, a child enters the world in a shower of rainbows. no. childbirth poses a real threat to both mother and child. a threat that has the potential to kill. even the easiest of pregnancies and labours is no work in the park. but maybe this hasn't occurred to you, O scrotumed one. maybe you, in your blind veil of male privilege, have overlooked the very basic fact that having a child is not an instant process. it takes place over nine months. and then eighteen years.
so your daughter has a child. and the man who violated her, changed her and her life? he has visitation rights. every weekend, you come face-to-face with the man who raped your daughter. you come face-to-face with the man who gave you your grandchild, but also took away a part of your daughter. you come face-to-face with that man, and surely, some measure of anger fills you. why should he have visitation rights? it's not as though he was an estranged husband she got divorced from. no. this is a stranger you barely know. that she barely knows. and he has visitation rights to your grandchild.
and that's all i have to say. i could say more. about how, if women had no rights, poverty would probably be just a little more prevalent in the world, given that women are the poorest of the poor and are the ones taking care of the next generation. but by all means, let's strip women of their rights. let's deprive half of the world's population of their rights.
judging people by their race and religion is wrong. why should it be right to judge people based on their gender?
i haven't edited this yet. maybe some day i will. but for now, it's here because this blog is an archive of my writing, and i think this counts as an important point in writing to me.
hello. i do not know you. but i find your views very abhorrent, and i write this letter to you to calmly, and rationally, inform you that your view of women's rights as being unimportant are simply wrong. you are free to call me a feminist. because then i will get to rail at you, scream about how you simply radiate male privilege, and maybe i will claw your eyes out while shaving my hair into a crew cut and denouncing marriage because isn't that what feminists do?
on a side note, i do not dismiss the importance of foreign policy. foreign policy has always been crucial - a country does not exist in isolation, but in constant flux alongside the rest of the world. to ignore world politics would be foolish and stupid, perhaps even immoral. but to regard it as the sole determinant of leadership potential seems to overlook one very important thing - females exist in your life, in your world. your mum? your relatives? your siblings? your friends? world politics are important. but it's the politics within your microcosm of a society that affect you on a day-to-day basis. everyday, you interact with real people - real women. remember this.
so now, take a step back, just for a moment, and imagine with me a scenario that - trust me - will never, ever, ever happen:
you have sex with a girl. unprotected sex, because you don't have access to birth control, and neither does she. you'll pull out, you say. you won't ejaculate into her, you say. but you do. so there you go - you've got a baby on the way now, maybe ten years too early. you're starting out your career, or maybe your degree - and you just can't afford a baby now. you know it. she knows it. no matter how much you want this baby - you can't have it. and yet you must. abortion is illegal. and illegal methods of abortion are dangerous - perhaps even with punitive consequences (after all, if you make abortion illegal at the federal level, then surely some form of punishment must go along with that law?). so you put your degree, your career, your work, your life, your self on hold for nine months. nine months and then some. and then more. you welcome a child - for the argument's sake, let's say it's a she - into the world nine months later. congratulations, you now hold in your arms someone who doesn't get to be under your healthcare, or insurance, plan. which is kind of troubling, because infancy is still a fairly dangerous period for a child, in spite of all the advances we've made in post-natal and early childhood medicine. as will the rest of her life, because life is risky and sometimes you don't know what hand you've been dealt until it's too late.
let's review what life is for you right now: a daughter you didn't intend to have. a life you have put on hold. insufficient healthcare. okay. still with me?
so she grows up. she cooks, and cleans - oh my, what's this, that's all? all your daughter does is cook, and clean, and stay in the kitchen? what about university? what about a mind of her own? meh, who needs that. psh, women's rights. who needs them. after all - policies have ensured that 200 million people in the world have continued to live, despite 200 million females in your country being stripped off their rights. policies have ensured stability in the world, and reduced your country to something resembling the middle ages.
your daughter is older now. she's menustrating. she's able to get pregnant. not that you want her to. especially not through rape. after all - rape is a crime. rape violates her body and her mind and her soul. i have not been raped before. but i do fear it - i fear it, when i see men leer at me. as if my breasts are all that determine my self-worth. i fear it, when i return home just a tad too late - around nine, sometimes; eleven, sometimes - and have to walk past guys who bare no shame in their wide-eyed stares. as if i am a piece of meat. i fear it, when guys who are taller and stronger and wider than most girls joke about raping a girl if she doesn't do what they want. they say bullying is bad. but why not rape?
unfortunately, she does get raped. she gets attacked and raped. shame permeates her movements. she will recover, eventually. many do. many move on, in a sign of strength. some don't. i mock neither group, because i can only imagine what it must be like to have your body - your self - violated by strangers. worse, by people you know. and i don't want to imagine it.
your daughter is pregnant. by her rapist. a man who attacked her, and left her with indelible scars. physical wounds will heal. psychological ones take much longer. and she can't get an abortion either. maybe she's the kind of woman who's terrified - terrified that she carries part of her attacker in her. and when the child is born, the thought that he or she was born of violence will always be attached. maybe she's the kind that puts no blame on the child. that makes sense too. both sides do. maybe she will love the child, maybe she won't - but i'm quite sure she will always remember that the child was born not of love but of a violent, cruel crime.
as her belly grows, you try to build a case against the rapist. this was the man - maybe multiple men - who violated your daughter. who raped her. who changed her in ways maybe even she cannot yet imagine. the case never really gains traction - she was looking for it, after all. who asked her to wear that dress? she showed a little bit of skin - clearly, she was asking for it. it's not the guy's fault. it's all her. you'd think the people saying this would realise it reduces men to the basest of creatures, slave to their desires, but oh well. rape culture. it exists. in this universe, it still does. the guy gets off with little punishment - it's not his fault. she was asking for it. who asked her not to stay in the kitchen? who asked her to go out and have fun and return home just a little late. i mean, yeah, he wouldn't have attacked or done anything if it had been a guy walking past him. but she's a girl. so. what was he to have done? you cannot blame him. you cannot.
nine months later, your daughter goes into labour. because children do not just pop out of thin air. no. the mother has to endure nine months of pain and discomfort before she finally goes through labour. those nine months can be relatively alright - little morning sickness, maybe some swollen feet - or hell - throwing up, nausea, headaches, bouts of emotional distress because she's carrying her rapist's child. labour isn't easy either. some have it easy - others don't. you can die during childbirth. has it ever occurred to you that women can die in childbirth? it's not as though she lies down and poof, a child enters the world in a shower of rainbows. no. childbirth poses a real threat to both mother and child. a threat that has the potential to kill. even the easiest of pregnancies and labours is no work in the park. but maybe this hasn't occurred to you, O scrotumed one. maybe you, in your blind veil of male privilege, have overlooked the very basic fact that having a child is not an instant process. it takes place over nine months. and then eighteen years.
so your daughter has a child. and the man who violated her, changed her and her life? he has visitation rights. every weekend, you come face-to-face with the man who raped your daughter. you come face-to-face with the man who gave you your grandchild, but also took away a part of your daughter. you come face-to-face with that man, and surely, some measure of anger fills you. why should he have visitation rights? it's not as though he was an estranged husband she got divorced from. no. this is a stranger you barely know. that she barely knows. and he has visitation rights to your grandchild.
and that's all i have to say. i could say more. about how, if women had no rights, poverty would probably be just a little more prevalent in the world, given that women are the poorest of the poor and are the ones taking care of the next generation. but by all means, let's strip women of their rights. let's deprive half of the world's population of their rights.
judging people by their race and religion is wrong. why should it be right to judge people based on their gender?