(no subject)
Mainly I've been feeling very blessed lately. Which is such a switch from the usual litany of complaint that plays in my brain that I have to consciously stop from thinking that way. Yesterday I got home after work, and all I had to do was cook and draw a friend who really enjoys modeling. That's it. How wonderful is that- is there such a thing as more that that?
I know, I should be pushing myself. It's practically encoded genetically- if you're not pushing yourself constantly, you'll fall behind. And then nothing will become of you, and what will your parents think? Probably you will have let the State down as well. But honestly, I'm enjoying just having everything I need around me so much that it's easier and easier to say to that voice, "quiet you, I have a new wrench set". It just feels so delicious to be home and know that I could be painting or having good conversations with my flatmates or taking a nap- that is, that there's a wide variety of enjoyable things to be doing, and all I have to do is pick.
It's true that I'm particularly poor right now (spaghetti+butter+brewer's yeast=a meal, apparently). But, yanno, things work out. My job right now is crap ( this comic sums it up pretty well), but it funds what I need, and that's what's important. I keep putting my name around the departments, so maybe I'll be able to find something better in a month or so. And of course I get to use the internet at work to independently research porn art history, so it isn't all bad.
I know, I should be pushing myself. It's practically encoded genetically- if you're not pushing yourself constantly, you'll fall behind. And then nothing will become of you, and what will your parents think? Probably you will have let the State down as well. But honestly, I'm enjoying just having everything I need around me so much that it's easier and easier to say to that voice, "quiet you, I have a new wrench set". It just feels so delicious to be home and know that I could be painting or having good conversations with my flatmates or taking a nap- that is, that there's a wide variety of enjoyable things to be doing, and all I have to do is pick.
It's true that I'm particularly poor right now (spaghetti+butter+brewer's yeast=a meal, apparently). But, yanno, things work out. My job right now is crap ( this comic sums it up pretty well), but it funds what I need, and that's what's important. I keep putting my name around the departments, so maybe I'll be able to find something better in a month or so. And of course I get to use the internet at work to independently research porn art history, so it isn't all bad.