There's things I remember, and Things I FORGET
Sigh*
I only write in my journal when really bad things happen to me. Thats why my entrys are so scarce, but I figure thats the stuff that people REALLY want to hear about. The dirt, the crap, the trouble, the pain of other peoples lives just to know that theirs aren't so bad.
And its great, because I can pour emotion into this, I can sit in front of my computer screen and drool on myself and cry like a little brat the whole time i write this shit and then i can put up my facade when I go anywhere and make believe that its all okay.
I ruined my life saturday night. I mean, its a good thing it happend at a party where, Im only friends with 3 people and I dont ever see any of the other kids...but all in all...it doesnt change the fact that 2 of the 3 people that happend to be there are very very important to me. the most...people i have love for...more than anyone.
So I got so wasted and acted a fool. Not even wasted, i got ruined. I got so drunk I couldnt remember anything. I did some really stupid things, because I was taken advantage of and couldn't think to not do what people influenced me to. I dont know...I ended up hurting someone that means a lot to me and making them look bad. And its really important to me that that never happens again.
I dont know what to say. I had this whole sad feeling about this esterday and I wanted to pour poetic prose into a journal and have you all feel lots of empathy for me, but I shouldnt even feel bad for myself. Shit happens, and I can't change the past and it wont help any to dwell on it or ask other people to feel bad that Im a fuck up. hahaha.
Bleeeeeeee. Anyways, I love Alli. and Alice, cause she is with me now and listened to me whine about saturday all day at school and even in the car and here and everywhere.
I am just so like...disheartened by it that I dont know what to do with myself. I have a very obsessive compulsive behavior and since I can't do what I normally do every day (go home...get online..IM him....Call him...talk to him...write him...hahaah......) I dont know what to do so I sit around my house like a vegetable and I have emotional breakdowns and I dont eat and I dont feel...I just am and then I go to bed and wake up and dont know what to do so I go back to bed and its all just so super lame...Im really like...ewwwed by myself.
I need to shower.
bye.
p.s.- this is some crap. because im very ...bleeee
a collaboration of words
i cant bring myself to speak
so i clean my mind again this time
and spell them out on this sheet
its being in the middle of turning
and the change in life is so abrupt
its the feeling that your putting yourself to bed
because you have no intentions of waking up
its the way you go through the day
and you only want to cry
its how you always lay by yourself in bed
and feel like you could just die
its knowing exactly what got you down
you did it by yourself
you ruined another damn good thing
so you hide your feelings on your shelf
its burning all these bridges
that makes you stomach hurt & head spin
And knowing that in a world of loss
You're someone that will never win.
I only write in my journal when really bad things happen to me. Thats why my entrys are so scarce, but I figure thats the stuff that people REALLY want to hear about. The dirt, the crap, the trouble, the pain of other peoples lives just to know that theirs aren't so bad.
And its great, because I can pour emotion into this, I can sit in front of my computer screen and drool on myself and cry like a little brat the whole time i write this shit and then i can put up my facade when I go anywhere and make believe that its all okay.
I ruined my life saturday night. I mean, its a good thing it happend at a party where, Im only friends with 3 people and I dont ever see any of the other kids...but all in all...it doesnt change the fact that 2 of the 3 people that happend to be there are very very important to me. the most...people i have love for...more than anyone.
So I got so wasted and acted a fool. Not even wasted, i got ruined. I got so drunk I couldnt remember anything. I did some really stupid things, because I was taken advantage of and couldn't think to not do what people influenced me to. I dont know...I ended up hurting someone that means a lot to me and making them look bad. And its really important to me that that never happens again.
I dont know what to say. I had this whole sad feeling about this esterday and I wanted to pour poetic prose into a journal and have you all feel lots of empathy for me, but I shouldnt even feel bad for myself. Shit happens, and I can't change the past and it wont help any to dwell on it or ask other people to feel bad that Im a fuck up. hahaha.
Bleeeeeeee. Anyways, I love Alli. and Alice, cause she is with me now and listened to me whine about saturday all day at school and even in the car and here and everywhere.
I am just so like...disheartened by it that I dont know what to do with myself. I have a very obsessive compulsive behavior and since I can't do what I normally do every day (go home...get online..IM him....Call him...talk to him...write him...hahaah......) I dont know what to do so I sit around my house like a vegetable and I have emotional breakdowns and I dont eat and I dont feel...I just am and then I go to bed and wake up and dont know what to do so I go back to bed and its all just so super lame...Im really like...ewwwed by myself.
I need to shower.
bye.
p.s.- this is some crap. because im very ...bleeee
a collaboration of words
i cant bring myself to speak
so i clean my mind again this time
and spell them out on this sheet
its being in the middle of turning
and the change in life is so abrupt
its the feeling that your putting yourself to bed
because you have no intentions of waking up
its the way you go through the day
and you only want to cry
its how you always lay by yourself in bed
and feel like you could just die
its knowing exactly what got you down
you did it by yourself
you ruined another damn good thing
so you hide your feelings on your shelf
its burning all these bridges
that makes you stomach hurt & head spin
And knowing that in a world of loss
You're someone that will never win.