Ten fucking feet
I knew I would see him again, likely when I was least expecting it. I couldn't have been more right. I take the train home from work, and there he is, sitting on the platform. I inwardly freaked, darting back in forth inside, then outside, until the train comes and we get on the same car. By this point, I'm shaking as much as someone stuck outside during winter without a coat, and my heart is starting to ache from beating so fast. I can't breathe, and I'm gagging every few minutes. I am sitting ten feet away from him. I'm not sure if he's seen me, but I can't help stealing glances. He's just as I remembered him, aside from some work on his tattoo. He's still gorgeous, and wearing the same shirt he wore the last time we shared a bed. He did get new shoes and a new hat though. And he's started using headphones instead of the ear bud kind. Due to us both being bothered by drunk strangers, there was no way he could've been unaware of my location. I continued to steal glances for the remainder of the ride. Then we both got off at the same station, but went in different directions. I decided to turn around and see if he'd look. He did, presumably to make sure I wasn't following him. He gave me a half wave, I gave one back, and we went our separate ways. It hurt, in a deep, aching way. We sat ten feet away from each other for 45 minutes, knowing the other person was there, not saying a word. It was like we were strangers, that we'd never met. I wasn't going to do it for a few weeks, but I took some codeine. I'm really upset right now. I wish we could've talked, even if it was forced. I want to know how he's doing, and I want to hear his voice, and I don't mean when he's telling off a drunk chick. I knew I'd see him again, but today? I was NOT ready for that. I'm expecting to see him when we go back to class, but I didn't think I would long before classes start. What he was doing at the university is beyond me (though I think I saw Sasha leaving the station, so they may have met up nearby beforehand), but he was there. And god, it killed me a little bit. I may still throw up tonight or tomorrow, but at least I saw him. Despite the stress and depression of it all, I still get the adrenaline high. And nothing, absolutely nothing, beats that high.
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