Xanax and God...
I'm just mourning the loss of my sanity, here. Taking breaths. Counting back years and years of therapy, counseling, racing thoughts and energy. 26 is not good. 26 is in 2 1/2 weeks. Closer to thirty than to childhood. I don't want to put away my childish things and I am resisting adulthood with anxiety guns blazing. Delusion and denial. I do not want to grow up or age chronologically, so the obsessiveness and compulsiveness of my brain won't just let it go. Xanax was taken every night to calm the bumble bees racing around inside my head and prevent stinging...terrible stinging. Prayer in an empty Catholic Church (and I'm not even Catholic) was recited every night to keep the anxiety demons at bay. Xanax and God. Xanax and God. Xanax and God. Keeps the crazies away...