Theme 63 - Hero
Title: Saving Me
Author: ZionAngel
Theme: 63 - Hero
Rating: PG
Length: 1620 words
Summary: She saved his life three times today (or four, depending on what you count).
A/N: So I can’t even keep my eyes open, so this isn’t edited, but I’ll come back when I can and fix it. Sorry about the delay in getting this written. I still plan on completing all 100 prompts.
He has almost finished the repairs and modifications to the suit when he figures out just what to do about Stane. He needs to be arrested and his crimes brought to light, and the weapons he has already put out into the world must be destroyed - Tony has known all of this from the moment he learned of Stane’s betrayal. And now he has a way to make both things possible at once.
There must be records - if Tony ever knew anything about Stane, it’s that he has always been highly organized and meticulous, especially when it comes to money. And judging by the way he so brazenly admitted his betrayal to Tony, in front of a dozen photographers no less, he feels completely unthreatened, so the files must still be intact. All he has to do is get a copy.
So once he has a lock chip prepared, and it’s around the time of day that Stane would usually be leaving the office, he calls Pepper downstairs. And maybe it’s crazy, or maybe he has every reason to do it… but he avoids her eyes - avoids looking at her at all, really - when he asks this favor. When the moment of silence that stretches out after he asks sends a chill through him, he thinks it’s probably the latter.
“And what do you plan to do with this information if I bring it back here?”
He answers before she even completes the question, because he knows where this is going. “Same drill. They’ve been dealing under the table, I’m gonna stop them. I’m gonna find my weapons and destroy them.” He still won’t look at her. He’s not really even doing anything with the equipment in front of him, just turning random knobs and buttons.
“Tony,” she says, and then breaths what is almost a laugh. This is it. “You know that I would help you with anything -” Here it comes. “- but, I cannot help you if you’re going to start all of this again.”
He is absolutely terrified. But he hears fear in her voice, too, somewhere after the compassion, so at least he knows he has a fighting chance. “There is nothing except this,” he says with more conviction than he really has. He suddenly wishes that he had sat her down and talked sooner, when he had the upper hand, or at least prepared what he wanted to say to her. He finds the sudden courage to face her, and look her in the eye, because he knows he will never convince her if he doesn’t. “There is no art opening, there is no benefit, there is nothing to sign… there is the next mission, and nothing else.”
He stands in front of her, fists clenched and breathing heavily, praying to any god that will listen that she will understand, that she won’t speak the two words that he fears the most.
“Is that so?” she asks quietly. His prayers are not answered. “Well then, I quit.”
He saw it coming a million miles away, but it still breaks his heart, and he is afraid and desperate and lost all in an instant. And really, he’s hurt, too.
His voice breaks, but he has to speak. He just can’t comprehend that she would do this to him, even though he knew it would happen. “You stood by my side all these years while I reaped the benefits of destruction…” How can she not see? He knows she understands what is driving him - she supported his decision to shut down the weapons division - so why doesn’t she understand the why? “…And now that I’m trying to protect the people that I put in harm’s way, you’re going to walk out on me?
She meets his eyes sternly, afraid and upset, but no closer to changing her mind. “You’re gonna kill yourself, Tony.” She shakes her head, even though she doesn’t seem to want to. “I’m not gonna be a part of it.”
He’s getting desperate now, because he absolutely cannot choose between her and this, and he doesn’t try to hide it. “Pepper, I need you. I can’t do this without you.”
Her clenched jaw twitches a little, and for the first time in this encounter, he sees pain in her eyes - something he didn’t expect. She takes a deep breath, and speaks. “I already lost you once. I spent three months not knowing if you were alive or dead, and I still don’t know how I got through that. I can’t live with that feeling every time you do this.”
He never thought of that. But it doesn’t change anything. He collapses into the nearest chair, because he just doesn’t have the strength to keep standing. “I shouldn’t be alive,” he tells her, as strongly as he can. And then he just gives in, because he knows his logic won’t work. He lets his heart take over, broken though it is, because that’s all he has left. “Unless it was for a reason. I’m not crazy, Pepper.” He lays his heart out before her, open and bare, and lets her see anything that she needs to see. He looks to her, and she looks as afraid of his next words as he was of hers, just a few moments ago. “I just finally know what I have to do. And I know in my heart that it’s right.”
She looks devastated by those words, trapped by them, even. But she comes back, and picks up the chip that she threw on the table. Every bone and muscle in his body turns to jelly with relief, and his heart feels like it’s about to explode. He shouldn’t be so surprised though - he spoke from his heart, and she’s just about the only person in the world who has ever known or believed that he even had one.
He doesn’t know what she’s feeling when he looks up at her again. And maybe she doesn’t, either. “You’re all I have too, you know.”
As she leaves, lock chip in hand, he knows what she means. I can’t lose you, any more than you can lose me. So don’t make me.
---
He follows her voice, the way she says his name. The fear in her voice when she says it reminds him of his own fear, though he can’t remember where it came from. He slowly opens his eyes and searches for her, and for some unknown reason, he feels relief when he finds that beautiful face hovering above him.
And then she yells his name again, in a voice he instantly remembers from many early-morning hangovers, and everything comes back in an instant. He first guides her through using the quick-release latch - thank God he put that thing in - because the suit is draining the reactor as long as it’s hooked up. Assuming it’s not totally dead already.
When he asks, she tells him the reactor is still glowing, but faint and flickering. He tells her that it has to be fixed here, now, and when a dozen SHIELD agents swarm the roof with paramedics, she stands between them and him and refuses to let them take him anywhere but down to the supply warehouse. She supports him the whole way there, even though it’s not far once they’re off the roof. She leads the agents in the help he needs to make another palladium ring and turn it into a power core. Even though the light of the reactor is dimming the whole hour or more it takes to make this power core, she keeps her cool, and that gives him strength as well.
And when it’s time to open up the reactor and replace the power core - because making a whole new one would take time they don’t have - she doesn’t flinch or freak out, only listens very closely to his instructions, and then follows them. It takes over two minutes to swap and charge the power core, and he’s in cardiac arrest the whole time. It hurts like hell, and he’s scared, but he trusts her completely, and loves that she’s not the least bit frazzled by the panicked paramedics who can’t seem to get their heads around the idea that only the device in her hands can save him. And then the next thing he knows, the pain stops, and one hand rests on his chest as the other twists the reactor into place.
Once she knows he’s safe, she collapses onto his chest, finally able to just let go and stop trying to keep things at bay like she has all day long. She wraps her arms around his neck, squeezing tightly, and he welcomes her weight and her pressure on him by draping one arm over her waist and threading the other through her hair. He smiles a little as exhaustion hits. But he still has to say this - she deserves at least this much.
“You’re my hero, Pepper,” he whispers softly to her. She raises her head as much as she can to give him a confused look, but he’s too tired to say any more. He’ll have to wait to explain that she saved his life three times today - by refusing to destroy the Mark I arc reactor weeks ago, even though he told her to, by blowing up the full-size reactor, and by so carefully and skillfully repairing the reactor that now sits in his chest.
Well, he thinks as he is loaded into an ambulance, with Pepper by his side, holding his hand - technically four times, if you count the whole not quitting thing as saving his life. Which he does.