I'm Supposed To Die In 10 Days....Allegedly
I was actually going to write a lengthy post about how "Rent" has made me re-evaluate my life and views on love but instead I'd like to turn my attention to a delightful e-mail I recieved only an hour ago informing me that "Someone I call friend wants me DEAD!" While I often delete any and all dramatic email that has been sent to "undisclosed-recipients" I'll admit that as far as death theats go, I took the bait and read the email. As is often the case with these e-mails, it's littered with horrid gramatical and spelling errors. I'm not discounting the hitman skill of Mr. Anthonio Benito....that's a cool name, Anthonio Benito, sounds like the name of a bartender/stripper, would it kill you try a simple copy/paste through word to make sure you don't look like a total moron to the person you are allegedly trying to save because you saw a sympathy from me, or something. Also his "boys" have been following me...kinky right?....which is pretty damn impressive frankly cause I've been blazing through every major tourist attraction in lower manhattan for the last 5 days. Damn, the money I spent at shows and going out to the Statue of Liberty, I was one hard target to trail, great work Anthonio, did you enjoy seeing Phantom? I sure did, how did you get a seat? It was TOTALLY SOLD OUT! Also, I was a bit selfish in NYC, what exactly did you sympathize with? So yeah, $12,000 sounds a bit high to pay you to save my life but given what it cost you to get your kinky boys out to liberty island, I can almost justify your price. But you said it was a "he", I can't really think of any male that wants me dead, one girl maybe but that's all. Unless you're trying to throw me off the track Benito, in that case I NEED more info-Who is this Transgendered Grudge Holder!?! The following are my favorite nuggets of gold Anthonio Benito has sent my way...
"Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $12,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $4,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $8,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.
Yes Benito, me wanting entering deal with you. Life trade I know is sounding good. Me not want you spearing me as death perhaps spare my life and no me spear? Please sending me tape to me you have done you took of person because that BIG SENSING making! I hope this not make you make choice that you, after all must be could be making, cause hey you being paid, right?
Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.
Oops, shit, I probably should have read that part before posting. So while I believe be believeing this, (hell I can't even parody that last bit, it's beyond english recognition) to be a total waste of my inbox if I do end up mysteriously dead soon, it because Anthonio Benito and his kinky love boys had me whacked. The email is in my deleted items folder if you'd like to retrieve it and go after this bastard. Overall, I don't mind those "Excuse me Sir/Madam I'm very joyful to tell you that you have one the British Lottery And Won 2000000000000 British Pounds, please contact. " They're harmless. But when it comes to reply or die spam I'm just offended. I'm tempted to contact the police just because I believe that this has legitamately crossed a line and if there is anyway we can throw this asshole in jail I'm for it. Go get a real job. You want $12,000 dollars, well so do my student loan holders so get in line dipshit. And yeah, if Anthonio Benitio is really tracking me or whatever then he's probably tracking this right now, so to Anthonio Benito - You Can Go Fuck Yourself And The Boys You Have Trailing Me.
"Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $12,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $4,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $8,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.
Yes Benito, me wanting entering deal with you. Life trade I know is sounding good. Me not want you spearing me as death perhaps spare my life and no me spear? Please sending me tape to me you have done you took of person because that BIG SENSING making! I hope this not make you make choice that you, after all must be could be making, cause hey you being paid, right?
Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.
Oops, shit, I probably should have read that part before posting. So while I believe be believeing this, (hell I can't even parody that last bit, it's beyond english recognition) to be a total waste of my inbox if I do end up mysteriously dead soon, it because Anthonio Benito and his kinky love boys had me whacked. The email is in my deleted items folder if you'd like to retrieve it and go after this bastard. Overall, I don't mind those "Excuse me Sir/Madam I'm very joyful to tell you that you have one the British Lottery And Won 2000000000000 British Pounds, please contact. " They're harmless. But when it comes to reply or die spam I'm just offended. I'm tempted to contact the police just because I believe that this has legitamately crossed a line and if there is anyway we can throw this asshole in jail I'm for it. Go get a real job. You want $12,000 dollars, well so do my student loan holders so get in line dipshit. And yeah, if Anthonio Benitio is really tracking me or whatever then he's probably tracking this right now, so to Anthonio Benito - You Can Go Fuck Yourself And The Boys You Have Trailing Me.