Fic repost: Valentines # 2, 3, 4
I have no patience. I'm going to post the others to lj today. Will it all fit in one post? We shall see. I promise I'll cool it with the ficspam now.
Part 1 is in previous post, here.
Title: Sweet, Cute, Tacky
Author: Pepper
Rating: PG for Jack swearing
Season: One
Featured Character(s): Jack, Sam, Daniel
Pairing(s): Sam/Jack friendship/UST
Summary: 'Intruder Alert' from Jack's POV.
A/N: Warning: a fair few Simpsons references, which if you don't know the show might be a little confusing. Part two of, uh... haven't decided yet.
Series: Intruder Alert / Sweet, Cute, Tacky / Days Of Wine And Roses / Unprofessional / Etiquette / Four's Company / The Wrong Man / The Kirk Syndrome / White. Silk. Underwear. / Slow Evolution / Settling In / Necking
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He hadn't meant to buy the card. He really hadn't. Hadn't even thought about the fact that Valentines Day was coming up, and all that entailed - after all, he wasn't with anyone, so he didn't have to worry about all that crap. But he was in the store, and saw the card, and remembered the episode - man, that was a funny one - and on impulse he bought it. Then, of course, he had to decide to whom he should give it. Feeling a little stupid, he considered his options. Well, there was one obvious candidate...
It seemed appropriate, too. It had struck him on more than one occasion that she was a bit like Lisa Simpson. Brains, wit, charm, loyalty - a bit of a geek. Okay, a lot of a geek. And although he liked to think of himself as Bart - rebel without a cause, smart-assed, bad boy charm, etc - in truth, he sometimes felt a little like Ralph Wiggum around her. ("Miss? I've eaten my paste.") The Stupid One. The one people talked to just... a little slower. With easier words.
So, anyhow, he wrote a quick message, did a bit of reconnaissance, and when he knew she was in the Commissary getting coffee he dropped by her lab and - ever so casually, concealing what he was doing from the cameras (because, although not really regulation-breaking, it wasn't exactly something he wanted Hammond knowing about, either) - left the card on her desk.
A while later he strolled by her lab again to check out her reac... to see if she and Daniel (who hadn't been in his office) wanted to go get lunch or something. He froze in the doorway at her words.
"Should I chuck it?"
Chuck it? Well, damn... "Chuck what?" he said, with just the right amount of disinterest in his voice. He ignored Daniel's sharp look. Daniel had lived with him for six weeks. He'd seen the DVD collection. He'd probably guessed instantly who the card was from.
"Oh, I got a Valentines card," replied Carter, chuckling as though it was an unlikely event, when in truth he was surprised she hadn't got hundreds. Honestly, half the SGC drooled over her every time she went past. "Very... tacky." Hey - ouch! "Simpsons, of all things. I mean, who'd send me a Simpsons Valentine's card?"
He couldn't help glancing at Daniel. Daniel looked right back at him. He sent the man a mental warning. 'Tell her and I'll break your arm in three places.' "Think yourself lucky," he said, diverting the conversation from the 'who' question. "I didn't get any."
"Oh, men don't get Valentine's cards." Well, she was pretty dismissive of that idea. "And they don't care when they do get them. Men just aren't interested in that sort of thing." Obviously she'd been hanging around with the wrong sort of men. Who was the one going around buying secret Valentine's cards here, huh? It's not like there'd been anything on his desk. No secret admirer cards, no flowers, no chocolates - oh no. And yet she had the nerve to imply that it was men who weren't romantic!
Daniel seemed equally offended. "That's so not true! I remember when Sha're-" he broke off, and the Colonel winced internally. "I mean - some men aren't - I wasn't... I've got a thing I have to do - I'll see you both later."
Daniel fled, despite Carter calling after him. She looked at the Colonel. "Damn. I didn't mean to... Poor Daniel."
He shrugged, examining his boots. "Yeah." Poor Daniel.
"D'you think I should go after him?" asked Carter. He shook his head.
"Nah. He probably just wants to be left alone at the moment." It was tough for his favorite archaeologist. Nearly six months later, and they still didn't know the fate of his wife. It didn't look good. Poor Spacemonkey. And he felt in some way guilty - which was ridiculous, but he'd promised Daniel that they'd get her back, and so far... He wandered over to her bench and picked up the card, grimacing internally. What had he been thinking? Buying a Valentines card for Sam Carter - Sam 'Just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside' Carter. Of course she'd hate it. "I see what you mean about tacky."
She frowned at him. What? She'd said it. "I think it's kinda sweet."
What? What? She was defending it now? Women! And... "Sweet?" Please don't let her say...
"Well, it's... cute."
"Cute?" He had to keep the offended tone out of his voice, or it'd totally give him away. Damn, though - he guessed it had been a kinda sweet, cute thing to do. He had to remember not to do that in future, or his reputation as a bad boy would be totally shot. "Huh." Great. Sweet, cute, and tacky - just how he wanted to be described.
"The only thing I don't get is what they mean by 'the SGC's own Lisa Simpson'. I've never really watched the show."
Well, there was a cry for help. Obviously she needed educating. "She's the brains of the operation," he explained. "A smart person in a stupid world. Meant for great things. Destined to be the first woman President or something. Her family don't quite get her, but they love her anyway."
Huh. Maybe he'd spent a little too much time on this comparison thing.
"Oh."
Damn. Damn damn damn. Suddenly realizing that he'd probably totally given himself away, he took advantage of her distraction and slipped out the door. He kicked himself all the way back to the safety of his office. He just knew she'd take offence - would she consider this harassment by a superior officer? Things would be really awkward the next time he saw her. He'd just have to deny everything - claim ignorance - change the subject - anything but admit it.
What had he been thinking?
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Title: Days Of Wine And Roses
Author: Pepper
Rating: G
Season: One
Related SG-1 Episode(s): References to 101 Children Of The Gods, 103 Emancipation, 104 The Broca Divide
Featured Character(s): Jack, Daniel
Pairing(s): Sam/Jack friendship/UST
Summary: Jack is kicking himself.
Series: Intruder Alert / Sweet, Cute, Tacky / Days Of Wine And Roses / Unprofessional / Etiquette / Four's Company / The Wrong Man / The Kirk Syndrome / White. Silk. Underwear. / Slow Evolution / Settling In / Necking
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The Colonel had lunch alone, and then spent the afternoon hiding out in his office under the pretence of getting some work done. In reality, he was avoiding Sam Carter. God, he'd just completely embarrassed himself. And to think he'd thought - age fifteen, desperately trying to work out how to ask Maria Hallis if she'd like to go out sometime - that someday all that would be beyond him, and that he would know how to interact with women. Ha! Well, that was another beautiful theory shot down.
Okay, maybe the problem here was that this was the first time he'd actually treated her like a woman. Even in situations where it was painfully obvious that that's what she was - blue dresses and cavemen viruses sprang to mind - he'd teased her as much as he would any other member of his team. Okay, maybe not Teal'c... And it wasn't like he hadn't noticed she was a woman. Oh no. He could hardly do that - he wasn't blind. But she'd walked in with such a huge chip on her shoulder, that he'd been extra careful to give her exactly the same treatment as anyone else, including throwing her through the Stargate that first time. He'd felt it a matter of personal honour to prove to her that her assumptions about him being your average sexist officer were wrong.
He could sort of understand the chip, to be fair. The Air Force was still a bit of a boy's club, and it must have been tough for her, as it was for most women in the armed forces. They had to prove themselves that little bit more than the men. He'd seen it plenty of times. She'd had to cultivate a bit of an attitude in order to survive it - he understood that. He just didn't want her making assumptions.
So when he came back from fetching a cup of coffee to find a huge-ass bunch of flowers on his desk? So totally surprised.
There was no note - of course. Just the flowers. In a vase. He stared at them. They stared back at him (okay, maybe not really). It was a Mexican standoff.
They looked completely out of place within the drab grey walls of the SGC. It was actually pretty pleasant - although also completely weird - to have a splash of colour like that. He was still staring at them when Daniel dropped by.
"Jack, I was just looking at SG-3's report from P4Y 979... and what a lovely bunch of flowers." The Colonel turned to glare at him. Daniel merely raised his eyebrows. "From...?"
"No note."
"Ah. Very... cute." Daniel couldn't stop the huge grin that had fought its way onto his face.
Jack glared some more. "Shut up," he grumbled.
"I just think it's... sweet."
"Was there something you wanted?" he asked, pointedly.
"Oh, just - we need to go back to P4Y 979, or SG-3 does, or whoever, it doesn't really-"
"Daniel..."
"-but someone needs to take another look at the henge they found and didn't investigate properly, because-"
"Daniel..."
"-I have a hunch that there'll be an inscription around the base of the lead stone, as that's where it-"
"Daniel!" The archaeologist stopped. "You think someone needs to go back to P4-whatever?" Daniel nodded.
"Uh, yes, Jack, as I was-"
"Okay. Fine. Great. I'll pass your recommendation along to the General. You know - as in the guy who decides these things?"
"Oh, okay. Thanks. I'll leave you to your," he waved vaguely, "flowers." Daniel wandered out again, and Jack rolled his eyes. How Daniel ever expected to get along with the military was beyond him. He just wasn't in the same universe. "Oh, Jack?"
He looked up at the head poking back around his door. "Yeah?"
"You gonna ask her out? Dinner, maybe?"
Jack's glare made a return appearance. "Who?" he asked, the tone of his voice daring Daniel to answer.
Daniel, of course, was unfazed - due no doubt to the fact that he lived in a far distant and unreachable universe. He nodded at the flowers. "Sam, of course."
"I have no idea what you mean," said Jack, shortly.
"Well, but the card was obviously-"
"I. Have. No. Idea. What. You. Mean."
Daniel looked startled. "Okay, Jack, okay, no need to get shirty - I just thought you might be thinking of-"
"Anyhow, even if I wanted to - which is ridiculous - I couldn't ask Sam out." At Daniel's blank look, he sighed. "She's my subordinate," he explained slowly. "I'm her C.O.. It's against regulations."
"Yeah?" Daniel shrugged that off, not overly concerned. Which was one of the main reasons that he and the military just didn't see eye-to-eye. "Well, so what?"
"So what? Daniel, will you please just go away!"
The floppy-haired idiot at last got the hint and left him alone. He stared at the flowers again, a vivid mix of pink, red and cream. He vaguely recognised some of them, but wasn't too sure of names - the garden had always been Sara's area of expertise; he just kept the lawn short. Sara never bought him flowers - of course she didn't, who the hell would buy a guy flowers? It was ridiculous. Stupid. A silly gesture.
Grinning. He was definitely grinning. It was pretty much involuntary.
He picked up the phone, and dialled an internal number. "Daniel? You busy this evening? What? Oh, no, I was thinking we should all go out for a team thing, dinner maybe. Yes, all of us. There's that new place, O'Malley's... Cool. No, that's okay - I'll ask the others. Nineteen hundred hours. Seven PM, Daniel. Okay." He hung up, paused for a moment, and then dialled another number. "T? You free this evening? What? No, I meant... I didn't mean free free, I meant I was thinking of doing a little team-bonding thing, going out to dinner, you know. You in? Okay, good. At nineteen hundred." He hung up, paused for a longer time, and then finally dialled one last number. "Sam? Hi. Uh, nothing much, I was just wondering..."
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Title: Unprofessional
Author: Pepper
Rating: G
Season: One
Featured Character(s): Sam
Pairing(s): Sam/Jack friendship/UST
Summary: Sam is kicking herself, too.
Series: Intruder Alert / Sweet, Cute, Tacky / Days Of Wine And Roses / Unprofessional / Etiquette / Four's Company / The Wrong Man / The Kirk Syndrome / White. Silk. Underwear. / Slow Evolution / Settling In / Necking
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She'd been kicking herself ever since. What in god's name had possessed her? It was just... impulsive. She did impulsive badly. Impulsive never worked out for her. Impulsive was stupid, and wrong, and potentially got you into all sorts of hot water with your superiors.
God, he'd never let her live this down!
A bright thought occurred to her. He didn't know it was her. Just like she didn't know it was him who left the card. She was pretty damn certain, but she didn't actually know. So that was all right, then. She'd covered her tracks thoroughly - special ops had nothing on her when it came to smuggling large bunches of flowers through the SGC. It was a long, involved tale of bribery and corruption and hiding in storage closets, but at least she was sure he'd never have any actual proof.
Argh. What a... damn stupid stunt to pull. And on her new CO, too. It was all his fault, with his casual attitude and his 'Sam' and his teasing and his warm brown eyes... Argh! No, no, no. She should never have done it.
Still, he'd looked kind of... well, she'd thought he was being inscrutable at the time, but now she looked back she was thinking it was more of a hurt-she-doesn't-like-my-card sort of look. She'd called it tacky, right to his face. And cute. It probably wasn't how he wanted the card to be received. It was probably meant as just a... a what? What had he meant? What had he meant?
Yeah, she was probably over-analyzing this. Jack O'Neill wasn't one for much introspection. It had probably been just a passing thought on his behalf. So she shouldn't read... well, anything into it.
Damn. Why had she bought him flowers in return?
Her phone rang, startling her. "Carter." It was him. Her stomach did an unpleasant little jig. "Hi, sir, what's up?" What? Dinner? Was he... "Dinner?" Oh. With the team. Oh, thank god. "Oh, yeah. No, not got any plans, that'd be great. Yeah, it looks nice there. Yeah, nineteen hundred's fine. Okay, that's great. Yeah. Bye."
Her heart was pounding when she hung up. He'd not said anything about the flowers. Was that a good or a bad thing? If he'd not realised they were from her, would he have been more or less likely to mention it? Well, from what she'd observed so far, he probably wouldn't really have mentioned it either way - that just wasn't like him. He didn't like discussing personal things. She guessed that getting a secret Valentine's gift counted as 'personal'.
So. Dinner, eh? What was all that about? Yeah, team bonding, yadda yadda - but what was it really about? Was he thinking that they'd got some kind of... understanding going? Because that was so not the case. An understanding was the last thing she'd call this - this weirdness. If anything, it was a misunderstanding. Two people at cross-purposes. He was... sending her cards, and she was... giving him flowers, but she hadn't meant... and then the dinner... but with the team...
Argh.
Oh, if only Daniel was a girl. And, you know, not inclined to laugh his ass off at her. Anyway, the military thing was completely beyond him - he just couldn't get his head around it. She might tell Teal'c, who understood the strict enforcement of military rules and regulations, but then she'd have to explain the whole Valentine's Day thing, and he'd probably give her that look that said he thought humans were nuts. She really had to cultivate a closer friendship with Doctor Frasier - she seemed like a nice person, pretty understanding, and with a sense of humor. Not that she could tell the doctor that she'd bought her CO flowers, or that her CO had (probably) given her a Valentine's card. Not in a million, bazillion years. She might feel she'd have to report it to Hammond, and then maaaaajor badness would ensue.
Oh, this was all so stupid. What the hell was she worrying about? She was reading too much into it. He'd just bought her a card, as a nice gesture, and in return she'd bought him some flowers. It was all perfectly innocent. It wasn't like they had some secret romance going on. And now the team was going to dinner. Which had nothing to do with anything.
Yeah, right. All perfectly innocent. All harmless fun, right up until the point she was court-martialed for fraternization.
Dammit, no. They were just becoming friends - there was no harm in that, although strictly speaking even that wasn't really encouraged in a military environment. She would just have to remember to keep her respectful distance from now on. Be professional.
Yes, thought Captain Sam Carter, determinedly. From now on, her relationship with Jack O'Neill would be strictly professional.
That should be easy enough, right?
Right?
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THE END. SORT OF.
See, those were the original four. And that was supposed to be It. But then I liked the feedback, and got an idea for a sequel, and now I don't know if I'll ever finish it, being the hopelessly disorganised case that I am.