It's cold in here
I clicked on my friend's list the other day on here and there were no entries. Grim. I sort of like it, though. I feel like I am talking to nobody, but I have an auditorium for an audience at the same time. It makes me want to write in here more. Before, I just wanted to entertain people with my journal, but now I feel an actual desire to document my life in it.
First off: last entry = false alarm. It really felt like it, though. There was a little tiny voice in my that thought that it was just emotion telling me all of those things, but the larger part of me thought it was over and was preparing for the end of us. I am happy, though, that we are back together. We have a lot of kinks to work out, but those things will come in time....or they will destroy us. Right now, I believe in destiny. It makes making decisions easier.
I heard an interesting theory on destiny. I was talking to B, and he was talking about life in the real world. He said there are four stages: job, career, calling, and destiny. If you think about it for more than two seconds, it all makes sense. Of course, not everyone goes all of the way up. Most people don't get past stage one. It makes me think a lot about what I am going to do since I am graduating soon. I feel like I did when you first get out of Midgar in FF7. There are so many places that you can go, and you realize how big the world really is. Luckily, the programmers made the closest town the place you go to progress the story. I wonder of the programmers were nice enough to do that for me as well. It is scary to think about, what with chaos theory and the butterfly effect. I feel like my life has so many different paths that I could decide to go down come May, and each one is a completely different life and story. The whole 2012 theory has worn off on me. I guess it's because I realized that I can't take it for granted that the world will end, and there are people that I want to be with who are living their lives normally and don't have time to roam the globe before it is destroyed. Back to the point: it's scary thinking about what awaits once you go off the beaten path. Everything in my life has been fairly laid out for me thus far: go to high school, then college. My only real decision was to choose a college, which was a relatively easy one. Now, there are so many ways I can build my character, to put it figuratively.
Yeah, it's scary, and it makes you feel even more alone when you are telling this to no one...but then I think that it is Friday, and for a minute, I remember that after 12 I will have the rest of the weekend to relax before I have to crunch to finish all my work before the end of the semester. I have a lot to celebrate (really only one thing, but it means a lot to me), and I know that in a matter of time I will be enjoying it with the people that I love.
To change subject, I am looking forward to the new year. Usually, I don't give two shits about the new year or what it stands for, but when I look back on it, it has been a bit of a rough year. I think this year was a bit of a poster child for murphy's law. More than anything, I am ready to put this semester behind me. If everything goes according to plan (which may not happen, since murphy loves me so much), it will be a perfect new years. I will be with new people in a new place doing things I've never done before. When I imagine what it will be like, I can only things I can see are a red dress standing next to me, and everything else is emotion. Laughter. Joy. The feeling you get when you look into someone's eyes and you are both thinking the same wonderful thing. The feeling you get when you leave someone who you want to be with, but you know its okay because you will be with them again soon. These are things I'm hoping for, though. Who knows what will actually happen, but if everything is in its right place, then everyone will be happy and the next chapter will have an amazing beginning.
I was a little sad before I wrote this entry. I talked myself into believing things that I know are not true. But now, I know what they are, and I feel relieved. I can't wait until tomorrow.
First off: last entry = false alarm. It really felt like it, though. There was a little tiny voice in my that thought that it was just emotion telling me all of those things, but the larger part of me thought it was over and was preparing for the end of us. I am happy, though, that we are back together. We have a lot of kinks to work out, but those things will come in time....or they will destroy us. Right now, I believe in destiny. It makes making decisions easier.
I heard an interesting theory on destiny. I was talking to B, and he was talking about life in the real world. He said there are four stages: job, career, calling, and destiny. If you think about it for more than two seconds, it all makes sense. Of course, not everyone goes all of the way up. Most people don't get past stage one. It makes me think a lot about what I am going to do since I am graduating soon. I feel like I did when you first get out of Midgar in FF7. There are so many places that you can go, and you realize how big the world really is. Luckily, the programmers made the closest town the place you go to progress the story. I wonder of the programmers were nice enough to do that for me as well. It is scary to think about, what with chaos theory and the butterfly effect. I feel like my life has so many different paths that I could decide to go down come May, and each one is a completely different life and story. The whole 2012 theory has worn off on me. I guess it's because I realized that I can't take it for granted that the world will end, and there are people that I want to be with who are living their lives normally and don't have time to roam the globe before it is destroyed. Back to the point: it's scary thinking about what awaits once you go off the beaten path. Everything in my life has been fairly laid out for me thus far: go to high school, then college. My only real decision was to choose a college, which was a relatively easy one. Now, there are so many ways I can build my character, to put it figuratively.
Yeah, it's scary, and it makes you feel even more alone when you are telling this to no one...but then I think that it is Friday, and for a minute, I remember that after 12 I will have the rest of the weekend to relax before I have to crunch to finish all my work before the end of the semester. I have a lot to celebrate (really only one thing, but it means a lot to me), and I know that in a matter of time I will be enjoying it with the people that I love.
To change subject, I am looking forward to the new year. Usually, I don't give two shits about the new year or what it stands for, but when I look back on it, it has been a bit of a rough year. I think this year was a bit of a poster child for murphy's law. More than anything, I am ready to put this semester behind me. If everything goes according to plan (which may not happen, since murphy loves me so much), it will be a perfect new years. I will be with new people in a new place doing things I've never done before. When I imagine what it will be like, I can only things I can see are a red dress standing next to me, and everything else is emotion. Laughter. Joy. The feeling you get when you look into someone's eyes and you are both thinking the same wonderful thing. The feeling you get when you leave someone who you want to be with, but you know its okay because you will be with them again soon. These are things I'm hoping for, though. Who knows what will actually happen, but if everything is in its right place, then everyone will be happy and the next chapter will have an amazing beginning.
I was a little sad before I wrote this entry. I talked myself into believing things that I know are not true. But now, I know what they are, and I feel relieved. I can't wait until tomorrow.