~live life as if it was your last day~
hey everyone!!! im on my sisters computer again... so yea.. ill start from where i left off.. the wake was kinda scary.. i went there and i saw her in the casket.. and i started crin so hard.. and i saw my dad kneel next to it and prey.. and stuff like that and i was like.. "mom.. what do i do? im not religious and i don't believe there is i god.. i believe there is something.. but not god.. so what do i do?" and she was cool about it and was just like.. "if its to hard for you since your already crying then just walk by and don't even look at it... OR if you want you can just stand next to it for a min and say good bye to her... but you don't have to prey because you don't have a religion.." so i was like.. ok.. and went to the casket and just looked at her and started crying again.. it was so hard.. to just see her laying there.. she looked like she was just sleeping.. she looked so.. alive!!! i wanted to just shake her and say.. wake up.. we need you.. please stop sleeping.... but i didn't.. then i went to my grampy and he hugged me.. and i said i was sorry.. and he was like.. "she talked so much of you.. and your not even blood.. its so hard.. but thankyou".. and then we cried together for a min... then i said sorry to her son's and her daughter.. and then i said sry to her twin sister.. but it was as if i was saying it to her not her sister.. becuase she looked EXACTLY like her.. which made me cry even more.. but it was so scary.. because its like.. shes laying there.. right next to you.. dead... it was awfull.. and we were there for 3 hours.. and all i did was watch the casket... omg.. and then the next morning was the funeral.. which i didn't go to.. becasue i ahd to babysit my 2 little cousins so their mom could go.. and i watched them from 10 AM.. to 4 PM.. so thats 6 fuckin hours!! and it was hell!!! she called he father.. and was speakin spainsh to him.. then she gets off.. and walks right up to me and tries to punch me in my face.. i started laughing... and i grabbed her arm and started yelling at her...and then she BIT ME!!!... it fuckin hurt!!! but what really pisses me off is that her father told her to hit me.. but i wanted top hit her so bad.. but if i did i know my ass would have been dead.. but yea.. it sucked so hard babysittin airana this mornin.. and i had JUST woken up too.. and i had to watch jaylin too.. but shes good with me.., she behaves.. and was in her room playing the whole time. but ariana tried so manny different ways to piss me off.. and each one worked!!! but oh well. then my aunt came home... so me and karin came downstairs.. and i made us dinner.. which was pretty good i might add!!! but yea.. then we watched TV.. and stuff.. and my parrents decided to go to JJ's ((Liz's work)) and get drunk and not come home till probly 2AM again.. like they did last time.. but yea.. karins sleepin now.. she has been since 9... and im in my sisters room typing this and talking to Paul...and pissed off at ricky for being a dick.. AGAIN!... this shjits pissin me off.. i went out with him because i liked the ricky i was with the 1st time.. but he has changed so much.. and its for the worst too!!! and its to late for him to change back.. because he has already changed into a huge assmunch!!! and if it satys like this... and it gets to a point where im afraid to talk to him.. ((which its getting there :'[ )) then idk how much longer it will last.. which upsets me.. but if it has to be done then it will... :'[ ...but yea.. i think ima just go talk to Paul.. talk to you guys later.. lyl! 3.2.1..
R.I.P JEAN WALSH 77 .. HEART ATTACK.. WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND MISS YOU!! <3