Por si éramos pocos by Belenuski - Volume 4, Chapter 12 (Part 1)
Title: Por si éramos pocos by Belenuski
Rating: PG-13
NB: Sorry for the delay, but here's the start of the 4th Volume. Hope y'all enjoy! And Happy Holidays!
12. Reconquest
March 20th
Pepa
(*)More than two months. More than two months have passed since our infiltration in the Caribbean, in Barbados. On March 16th, the baby I had inside me turned four months old. Four months…
I could hardly believe how fast time was flying. So many things had happened and, frankly, that March 20th, I could recall everything that occurred calmly, probably because I was going to the doctor so they could finally tell me the sex of my child.
It also could have been because of what the pamphlet said: “At four months, the mother feels more relaxed though mood swings and crying for no reason still happens every now and then”.
That last part was certainly true, though I couldn’t exactly say that my crying was for no reason. Even still, that day I didn’t think about crying, I couldn’t. I was nervous, I was impatient to know if the baby was a girl or a boy. In the end, my little bug - as Noah called it - would bring me a new joy.
Yes, Noah knew. That was one of the things that had happened in the last few weeks. We had told her last month, when I was just beginning to show. And I say “we” because Silvia, whom I could safely say was hardly speaking with me, was with me at that time. No matter what, Noah’s her daughter, too, and it was a relief to have her there by my side for just a few minutes.(*)
One month before…
Silvia and Pepa, for the first time since that night in Barbados, were together in the house, sitting beside each other. When they called for her, Noah showed up with her typical “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life” face, the one that she always wore when she had gotten into some mischief and thought she was going to be punished. And she definitely thought she was going to get in trouble when she saw them both sitting there, waiting for her to take a seat in front of them.
She sighed and climbed up onto the chair. She looked at them as she hung her head down and shook it.
“It wasn’t me,” she said. “It broke by itself.”
Silvia smiled, as did Pepa, but they didn’t look at each other.
“No, cariño, we’re not mad at you,” Silvia assured.
“Although know we know who broke the vase,” Pepa added. “But, okay, right now we want to tell you something.”
“Bad?” She asked with fright. The last time they had sat her down like that they had told her about the divorce, and since her mothers had returned from their trip, she had lost all hope that they would go back to living together. She knew very well that they weren’t talking.
“No, good,” Silvia replied. “You’re going to have a little brother.”
“Or little sister.”
Noah lifted her head and looked at them strangely. She opened her mouth in surprise.
“Really?”
“Really,” they both said at the same time.
Noah got off of the chair and started to bounce up and down on the balls of her feet. She smiled.
“When? When?”
Pepa thought about it a bit.
“In the spring.”
Noah opened her arms wide.
“That’s a long time! Why is it going to take so long? Is it coming from far away?”
Silvia smiled tenderly and stroked her daughter’s face. She took Noah by the hand and pulled her over to Pepa’s stomach.
“It’s right here.”
Noah looked at her mothers incredulously and shook her head.
“Liar,” she declared.
Pepa laughed.
“It’s true, mi amor. It’s in my tummy.”
The girl opened her mouth and eyes exaggeratedly wide.
“You ate it!”
Her mothers broke out into laughter. The things their little one thought of. Her and her imagination.
Silvia shook her head, rose from the chair and knelt down to be at her daughter’s height.
“The baby right now is very, very, very small.”
“Like a little bug?”
The redhead laughed.
“Yes, like a little bug.”
Without thinking twice, Silvia lifted Pepa’s shirt and pulled her daughter to stand next to her so they could look at Pepa from the side.
“Look, you see?” She caressed the curves that had started to form on Pepa’s belly, curves that could only be seen in profile and up close. The contact caused the brunette to shiver. Silvia was so absorbed in her explanation that she didn’t even realize what she was doing. “The baby’s grown a little bit, and that’s why mamá’s belly has grown, too.” She held up her index finger and thumb, leaving just a little gap between them in proportion to her ex-wife’s stomach. “It’s like this more or less.”
“So little!”
“Right, and that’s why we have to wait for it to grow more, because if it’s too small, we won’t see it when it’s born.”
“Born?”
“That means when the baby arrives.”
“Oh…” Noah mumbled, understanding to some extent. She looked at her mother’s belly and imitated Silvia, holding her fingers like she was. Then she stuck her finger in their mouth, pensively, and suddenly took off running from the living room.
In that moment, alone, Silvia realized her hand was still rubbing the smooth skin of Pepa’s stomach and she pulled away quickly. The brunette lowered her shirt and looked her in the eyes, but her ex-wife turned away.
Noah came back with one of her dolls in her arms. She lifted her mother’s shirt up again, placed the doll against her stomach, and pulled the shirt back down. Then she stepped away a bit.
“That’s how mamá’s tummy will be when the baby can get here!”
They all started laughing again. They were amazed at the theories their daughter could come up with which, incredibly, were often correct. She was a clever girl.
Pepa
(*)A little bug. That’s what we called it now after Noah said it. My little bug, my tiny thing. I was sorry about it for Silvia, sorry about everything it had caused…but once I started to notice my stomach growing and feeling those bubbles in my belly, I was excited. I could feel it alive inside me.
I looked over at my daughter who was sitting in front of me on the bus. I didn’t want to take the car because there were too many of Silvia’s things in it. It still hurt me so much to not have her, but that day I was so focused on the baby that I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
Noah gazed out the window, sitting on her knees in the seat.
“Noah, sit correctly.”
“No,” was all she said with a smile.
“Noah…” I muttered like I always did when I was about to scold her for not listening. “You’re going to fall.”
“I won’t fall.”
“Noah, that’s enough.”
“Oh, mamá! But then I can’t see out the window!”
“Then come over here and sit on my lap so someone can sit there.”
“I can’t.”
I sighed and saw how everyone on the bus was looking at us with a smile. Between my not having any shame and my daughter having a loud voice, everyone was hearing us, but I didn’t care.
“Let’s see, why can’t you?”
“Because I’ll squish the baby.”
I laughed and heard a few others laughing, too. Noah looked at everyone and smiled. She loved being the center of attention.
“You’re not going to squish the baby, it’s in my tummy for a reason. Come on, come over here.”
She climbed down from the seat a bit upset and when she reached my legs, I pulled her onto my lap. She leaned back against me and looked out the window. I started to play with her hair. Some people still looked at us and rightly so because she was such a pretty girl. It wasn’t just me, her mother, who said so but strangers on the bus or on the streets. “You have a beautiful daughter,” they’d always tell me.
She had grown so much. Last month she had turned four years old and they were already starting to learn their letters in school. Soon she’d learn how to read. Her eyes were still big and blue, and her hair was still black, much darker than my own. She was starting to get freckles - just a few - that made her look even more mischievous. She was taller now, in fact, she was one of the tallest ones in her class. In that way, she had taken after me. She had a thin body and her tan skin contrasted with the white shirt I had put on her. She was wearing comfortable jeans and shoes, she was starting to complain about dresses. According to her, she couldn’t throw herself on the ground or play with a ball in a dress. Her trouble-making was getting a little more studied, but what was most notable was that, as she grew, her infirmity did as well. She started to cough at night, she ran out of breath while playing in the park with Dani, or they could call from school sometimes to say they had had to sit her down in the playground and give her a glass of water. It worried Silvia and I a lot.
“Come on, it’s the next stop.”
She jumped off my lap and gave me her hand. When the doors opened, we jumped off and I played with her by pretending to trip, holding onto her hand just in time, right before falling to the floor. She loved those games, like any kid did. Those were the kinds of things Lola said she never expected from me.
And that was another big change. Lola had returned. Who would’ve thought that that Christmas when Silvia kissed, Paco and his ex would also get back together? They had kept it a secret until we saw Lola’s suitcases in her old house, while Lola was hugging Paco with the kind of smile we hadn’t seen on her for a long time. And we found out after returning from Barbados, where we had been a week. We were able to capture one of Alec’s contacts. He was one of the triplets, the one in the Korean army. There was only one left, and we were sure that he was in our country. Sara, who hadn’t been under protective detail since we thought the individuals were in Barbados, had to go back into hiding with Lucas in their chalet, guarded by several officers. The final one, the last triplet, was the most important one, Alec’s right-hand. The man had ordered the deaths of all the Fernandez family and only Lucas was left, it was their way of settling accounts. And it was precisely this that had me so worried.
Silvia had infiltrated the club, she had laughed in their face, and there was nothing worse than a mafioso with a thirst for revenge - and I should know considering one of them tried to kill us at my wedding. In any case, it was a silly theory and I didn’t need to blow things out of proportion. Silvia would be fine, even if I had to give my own life to make sure of it.
We reached a crosswalk and stopped.
“What color does the light need to be so we can walk?” I asked aloud, waiting for Noah to respond.
“Green!” She exclaimed with a jump, using my hand as leverage.
“Good! And what do we have to do when we’re going to cross.”
“Look both ways!”
“Very good! Okay, let’s go, it’s green now.”
My daughter was skipping and humming a song, probably by Chayanne. She was always singing or humming his songs. It was most likely because Silvia played his cds at all hours of the day. She played them whenever she needed to think.
We walked into the doctor’s office and I greeted some of the people I knew. Noah quickly became quiet, she didn’t like going to the doctor. It was the doctor’s that she had shots and where they prescribed that horrible medicine. I didn’t want to tell her that sooner or later she would have to use an inhaler.
We reached the hallway, knocked on the door, and Juan opened it. When he did, Noah smiled to see a familiar face. He was a friend of the family and every now and then he’d bring Noah lollipops.
“Hola, Juan!” She greeted effusively.
“Noah’s here, too! Are you going to see your little brother?”
“Yes, or sister!”
“We’ll know which one right now.”
He smiled at me cordially and we finally walked into the office. Juan sat Noah on a tall seat, not only so she could see me better, but also so she would have the screen at her fingertips. It would be the first time she’d see the “little bug” that lived inside my belly. While the doctor put on his gloves, I looked at my stomach.
I could still remember how, lying on this bed four years ago, I had finally seen my baby’s sex. I had recognized my Noah, who at even three months along was already showing that she was going to be a beautiful girl. But it was all very different then. Four years ago, I wasn’t smiling because I had to, and the person sitting beside me wasn’t my daughter but my wife. Silvia was holding my hand and getting excited with me. We decided on a name together, we walked out of the clinic almost shaking from happiness, and that night we made love slowly, very slowly. Maybe that’s why I was lost in my thoughts until I felt the cold gel being placed on my stomach.
“Alright, let’s see what we have here,” Juan murmured. “We couldn’t see anything last month, but now at four months, I’m almost sure that…Aha! There it is.”
I turned to face the screen and so did my daughter. I saw it, I at least could see it. I couldn’t help smiling.
“There it is…” I looked at Noah. That’s why I brought her, I didn’t want to be alone during those moments. “You see it Noah?”
“No, it’s dark.”
“Yes, look,” I traced its shape in the air. “That’s the head, it’s looking up.”
My daughter strained her eyes and got closer. Finally, she gave up.
“I don’t see anything!”
Juan started to laugh and I then I did, too. I didn’t think she’d be able to see it. But in any case, she would see it in the 4D photos that they’d take in a few months. If the fetus had grown enough by then, we’d maybe even be able to tell who it looked like.
“You can clearly see the sex,” Juan assured. He pointed at part of the screen. “You see this bump?”
Yes, yes I could see it. How cute!
“It’s a boy,” I thought aloud. I looked at Juan, “It’s a boy, right?”
“A boy that looks very healthy, yes.”
I looked at Noah and took her hand.
“You’re going to have a little brother, Noah! A boy, like Dani.”
“A boy?” She repeated. “Like Aitor? Like David?”
I clenched my fist. I didn’t like hearing that last name.
“Yes, like them,” I said.
And that was it. A little excitement, a little adrenaline. That was all I could feel without her by my side.
When we walked out of the consultation, it was already dark outside. Noah fell asleep on the bus and I got a call on my cell. It was from the precinct and it seemed to be urgent, so when we reached my neighborhood, I put Noah into her car seat and I got behind the wheel. I started the car.
A boy. A little man who I would impatiently wait to arrive. That part excited me. I was going to be a mother for the second time, and though the child wasn’t planned for, he was already loved. I touched my belly that still hadn’t grown very much and smiled. A new adventure of changing diapers and waking up in the early morning. My smile faded. A new adventure without Silvia.(*)
She started to feel some familiar twinges in her chest, and she decided to turn on the radio. The cd inside the player started and Pepa realized her mistake. Silvia had left one of her cds inside, but by the time she knew it, she was already absorbed in the music.
Mil y un historias me he inventado para estar aquí, (I’ve invented a thousand and one stories to be here,)
aquí a tu lado…y no te das cuenta que (here at your side…and you don’t realize that)
yo no encuentro ya que hacer… (I don’t know what to do anymore…)
Pepa looked at her sleeping daughter through the rear-view mirror, she didn’t want her to see her cry. The music, the lyrics…it all reminded her of her own history and her loss. She had heard the song before, but she had never really listened to it, and now she regretted doing so. She had to dry her eyes when she reached a stoplight, it was dangerous to have her vision to blurred while she was driving, but she couldn’t help it.
Sé que piensas que no he sido sincero, (I know you think I haven’t been sincere)
sé que piensas que ya no tengo remedio…(I know you think now I have no choice…)
pero quien me iba a decir (but who was going to tell me)
que sin ti no se vivir… (that I don’t know how to live without you…)
Y ahora que no estas aquí (And now that you’re not here)
me doy cuenta cuanta falta me haces (I realize how much I need you)
She dried her eyes again. She wasn’t going to cry, she had promised herself. She alone was responsible for what happened, and she alone would fix it. The chorus, with its more animated music and more hopeful lyrics, told her what she already knew: she was going to ask for forgiveness in all the ways she could, and she was going to open her heart to be completely sincere. She wasn’t going to give up.
Si te he fallado te pido perdón de la única forma que sé (If I’ve failed you I’ll apologize the only way I know how)
abriendo las puertas de mi corazón para cuando decidas volver. (opening the doors of my heart for when you decide to return.)
Porque nunca habrá nadie que pueda llenar el vacío que dejaste en mí. (Because there will never be anybody who could fill the emptiness you left in me.)
Has cambiando mi vida, me has hecho crecer, es que no soy el mismo de ayer (You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me grow, I’m not the same person as before)
Un día es un siglo sin ti (One day is a century without you)
Let the reconquest begin.
Links to the original story:
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8481210-por-si-eramos-pocos-01-11-09-23-40/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8680673-por-si-eramos-pocos-ii-28-11-09-21-35/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8848739-por-si-eramos-pocos-iii-14-02-10-0-55-finalizado/
Rating: PG-13
NB: Sorry for the delay, but here's the start of the 4th Volume. Hope y'all enjoy! And Happy Holidays!
12. Reconquest
March 20th
Pepa
(*)More than two months. More than two months have passed since our infiltration in the Caribbean, in Barbados. On March 16th, the baby I had inside me turned four months old. Four months…
I could hardly believe how fast time was flying. So many things had happened and, frankly, that March 20th, I could recall everything that occurred calmly, probably because I was going to the doctor so they could finally tell me the sex of my child.
It also could have been because of what the pamphlet said: “At four months, the mother feels more relaxed though mood swings and crying for no reason still happens every now and then”.
That last part was certainly true, though I couldn’t exactly say that my crying was for no reason. Even still, that day I didn’t think about crying, I couldn’t. I was nervous, I was impatient to know if the baby was a girl or a boy. In the end, my little bug - as Noah called it - would bring me a new joy.
Yes, Noah knew. That was one of the things that had happened in the last few weeks. We had told her last month, when I was just beginning to show. And I say “we” because Silvia, whom I could safely say was hardly speaking with me, was with me at that time. No matter what, Noah’s her daughter, too, and it was a relief to have her there by my side for just a few minutes.(*)
One month before…
Silvia and Pepa, for the first time since that night in Barbados, were together in the house, sitting beside each other. When they called for her, Noah showed up with her typical “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life” face, the one that she always wore when she had gotten into some mischief and thought she was going to be punished. And she definitely thought she was going to get in trouble when she saw them both sitting there, waiting for her to take a seat in front of them.
She sighed and climbed up onto the chair. She looked at them as she hung her head down and shook it.
“It wasn’t me,” she said. “It broke by itself.”
Silvia smiled, as did Pepa, but they didn’t look at each other.
“No, cariño, we’re not mad at you,” Silvia assured.
“Although know we know who broke the vase,” Pepa added. “But, okay, right now we want to tell you something.”
“Bad?” She asked with fright. The last time they had sat her down like that they had told her about the divorce, and since her mothers had returned from their trip, she had lost all hope that they would go back to living together. She knew very well that they weren’t talking.
“No, good,” Silvia replied. “You’re going to have a little brother.”
“Or little sister.”
Noah lifted her head and looked at them strangely. She opened her mouth in surprise.
“Really?”
“Really,” they both said at the same time.
Noah got off of the chair and started to bounce up and down on the balls of her feet. She smiled.
“When? When?”
Pepa thought about it a bit.
“In the spring.”
Noah opened her arms wide.
“That’s a long time! Why is it going to take so long? Is it coming from far away?”
Silvia smiled tenderly and stroked her daughter’s face. She took Noah by the hand and pulled her over to Pepa’s stomach.
“It’s right here.”
Noah looked at her mothers incredulously and shook her head.
“Liar,” she declared.
Pepa laughed.
“It’s true, mi amor. It’s in my tummy.”
The girl opened her mouth and eyes exaggeratedly wide.
“You ate it!”
Her mothers broke out into laughter. The things their little one thought of. Her and her imagination.
Silvia shook her head, rose from the chair and knelt down to be at her daughter’s height.
“The baby right now is very, very, very small.”
“Like a little bug?”
The redhead laughed.
“Yes, like a little bug.”
Without thinking twice, Silvia lifted Pepa’s shirt and pulled her daughter to stand next to her so they could look at Pepa from the side.
“Look, you see?” She caressed the curves that had started to form on Pepa’s belly, curves that could only be seen in profile and up close. The contact caused the brunette to shiver. Silvia was so absorbed in her explanation that she didn’t even realize what she was doing. “The baby’s grown a little bit, and that’s why mamá’s belly has grown, too.” She held up her index finger and thumb, leaving just a little gap between them in proportion to her ex-wife’s stomach. “It’s like this more or less.”
“So little!”
“Right, and that’s why we have to wait for it to grow more, because if it’s too small, we won’t see it when it’s born.”
“Born?”
“That means when the baby arrives.”
“Oh…” Noah mumbled, understanding to some extent. She looked at her mother’s belly and imitated Silvia, holding her fingers like she was. Then she stuck her finger in their mouth, pensively, and suddenly took off running from the living room.
In that moment, alone, Silvia realized her hand was still rubbing the smooth skin of Pepa’s stomach and she pulled away quickly. The brunette lowered her shirt and looked her in the eyes, but her ex-wife turned away.
Noah came back with one of her dolls in her arms. She lifted her mother’s shirt up again, placed the doll against her stomach, and pulled the shirt back down. Then she stepped away a bit.
“That’s how mamá’s tummy will be when the baby can get here!”
They all started laughing again. They were amazed at the theories their daughter could come up with which, incredibly, were often correct. She was a clever girl.
Pepa
(*)A little bug. That’s what we called it now after Noah said it. My little bug, my tiny thing. I was sorry about it for Silvia, sorry about everything it had caused…but once I started to notice my stomach growing and feeling those bubbles in my belly, I was excited. I could feel it alive inside me.
I looked over at my daughter who was sitting in front of me on the bus. I didn’t want to take the car because there were too many of Silvia’s things in it. It still hurt me so much to not have her, but that day I was so focused on the baby that I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
Noah gazed out the window, sitting on her knees in the seat.
“Noah, sit correctly.”
“No,” was all she said with a smile.
“Noah…” I muttered like I always did when I was about to scold her for not listening. “You’re going to fall.”
“I won’t fall.”
“Noah, that’s enough.”
“Oh, mamá! But then I can’t see out the window!”
“Then come over here and sit on my lap so someone can sit there.”
“I can’t.”
I sighed and saw how everyone on the bus was looking at us with a smile. Between my not having any shame and my daughter having a loud voice, everyone was hearing us, but I didn’t care.
“Let’s see, why can’t you?”
“Because I’ll squish the baby.”
I laughed and heard a few others laughing, too. Noah looked at everyone and smiled. She loved being the center of attention.
“You’re not going to squish the baby, it’s in my tummy for a reason. Come on, come over here.”
She climbed down from the seat a bit upset and when she reached my legs, I pulled her onto my lap. She leaned back against me and looked out the window. I started to play with her hair. Some people still looked at us and rightly so because she was such a pretty girl. It wasn’t just me, her mother, who said so but strangers on the bus or on the streets. “You have a beautiful daughter,” they’d always tell me.
She had grown so much. Last month she had turned four years old and they were already starting to learn their letters in school. Soon she’d learn how to read. Her eyes were still big and blue, and her hair was still black, much darker than my own. She was starting to get freckles - just a few - that made her look even more mischievous. She was taller now, in fact, she was one of the tallest ones in her class. In that way, she had taken after me. She had a thin body and her tan skin contrasted with the white shirt I had put on her. She was wearing comfortable jeans and shoes, she was starting to complain about dresses. According to her, she couldn’t throw herself on the ground or play with a ball in a dress. Her trouble-making was getting a little more studied, but what was most notable was that, as she grew, her infirmity did as well. She started to cough at night, she ran out of breath while playing in the park with Dani, or they could call from school sometimes to say they had had to sit her down in the playground and give her a glass of water. It worried Silvia and I a lot.
“Come on, it’s the next stop.”
She jumped off my lap and gave me her hand. When the doors opened, we jumped off and I played with her by pretending to trip, holding onto her hand just in time, right before falling to the floor. She loved those games, like any kid did. Those were the kinds of things Lola said she never expected from me.
And that was another big change. Lola had returned. Who would’ve thought that that Christmas when Silvia kissed, Paco and his ex would also get back together? They had kept it a secret until we saw Lola’s suitcases in her old house, while Lola was hugging Paco with the kind of smile we hadn’t seen on her for a long time. And we found out after returning from Barbados, where we had been a week. We were able to capture one of Alec’s contacts. He was one of the triplets, the one in the Korean army. There was only one left, and we were sure that he was in our country. Sara, who hadn’t been under protective detail since we thought the individuals were in Barbados, had to go back into hiding with Lucas in their chalet, guarded by several officers. The final one, the last triplet, was the most important one, Alec’s right-hand. The man had ordered the deaths of all the Fernandez family and only Lucas was left, it was their way of settling accounts. And it was precisely this that had me so worried.
Silvia had infiltrated the club, she had laughed in their face, and there was nothing worse than a mafioso with a thirst for revenge - and I should know considering one of them tried to kill us at my wedding. In any case, it was a silly theory and I didn’t need to blow things out of proportion. Silvia would be fine, even if I had to give my own life to make sure of it.
We reached a crosswalk and stopped.
“What color does the light need to be so we can walk?” I asked aloud, waiting for Noah to respond.
“Green!” She exclaimed with a jump, using my hand as leverage.
“Good! And what do we have to do when we’re going to cross.”
“Look both ways!”
“Very good! Okay, let’s go, it’s green now.”
My daughter was skipping and humming a song, probably by Chayanne. She was always singing or humming his songs. It was most likely because Silvia played his cds at all hours of the day. She played them whenever she needed to think.
We walked into the doctor’s office and I greeted some of the people I knew. Noah quickly became quiet, she didn’t like going to the doctor. It was the doctor’s that she had shots and where they prescribed that horrible medicine. I didn’t want to tell her that sooner or later she would have to use an inhaler.
We reached the hallway, knocked on the door, and Juan opened it. When he did, Noah smiled to see a familiar face. He was a friend of the family and every now and then he’d bring Noah lollipops.
“Hola, Juan!” She greeted effusively.
“Noah’s here, too! Are you going to see your little brother?”
“Yes, or sister!”
“We’ll know which one right now.”
He smiled at me cordially and we finally walked into the office. Juan sat Noah on a tall seat, not only so she could see me better, but also so she would have the screen at her fingertips. It would be the first time she’d see the “little bug” that lived inside my belly. While the doctor put on his gloves, I looked at my stomach.
I could still remember how, lying on this bed four years ago, I had finally seen my baby’s sex. I had recognized my Noah, who at even three months along was already showing that she was going to be a beautiful girl. But it was all very different then. Four years ago, I wasn’t smiling because I had to, and the person sitting beside me wasn’t my daughter but my wife. Silvia was holding my hand and getting excited with me. We decided on a name together, we walked out of the clinic almost shaking from happiness, and that night we made love slowly, very slowly. Maybe that’s why I was lost in my thoughts until I felt the cold gel being placed on my stomach.
“Alright, let’s see what we have here,” Juan murmured. “We couldn’t see anything last month, but now at four months, I’m almost sure that…Aha! There it is.”
I turned to face the screen and so did my daughter. I saw it, I at least could see it. I couldn’t help smiling.
“There it is…” I looked at Noah. That’s why I brought her, I didn’t want to be alone during those moments. “You see it Noah?”
“No, it’s dark.”
“Yes, look,” I traced its shape in the air. “That’s the head, it’s looking up.”
My daughter strained her eyes and got closer. Finally, she gave up.
“I don’t see anything!”
Juan started to laugh and I then I did, too. I didn’t think she’d be able to see it. But in any case, she would see it in the 4D photos that they’d take in a few months. If the fetus had grown enough by then, we’d maybe even be able to tell who it looked like.
“You can clearly see the sex,” Juan assured. He pointed at part of the screen. “You see this bump?”
Yes, yes I could see it. How cute!
“It’s a boy,” I thought aloud. I looked at Juan, “It’s a boy, right?”
“A boy that looks very healthy, yes.”
I looked at Noah and took her hand.
“You’re going to have a little brother, Noah! A boy, like Dani.”
“A boy?” She repeated. “Like Aitor? Like David?”
I clenched my fist. I didn’t like hearing that last name.
“Yes, like them,” I said.
And that was it. A little excitement, a little adrenaline. That was all I could feel without her by my side.
When we walked out of the consultation, it was already dark outside. Noah fell asleep on the bus and I got a call on my cell. It was from the precinct and it seemed to be urgent, so when we reached my neighborhood, I put Noah into her car seat and I got behind the wheel. I started the car.
A boy. A little man who I would impatiently wait to arrive. That part excited me. I was going to be a mother for the second time, and though the child wasn’t planned for, he was already loved. I touched my belly that still hadn’t grown very much and smiled. A new adventure of changing diapers and waking up in the early morning. My smile faded. A new adventure without Silvia.(*)
She started to feel some familiar twinges in her chest, and she decided to turn on the radio. The cd inside the player started and Pepa realized her mistake. Silvia had left one of her cds inside, but by the time she knew it, she was already absorbed in the music.
Mil y un historias me he inventado para estar aquí, (I’ve invented a thousand and one stories to be here,)
aquí a tu lado…y no te das cuenta que (here at your side…and you don’t realize that)
yo no encuentro ya que hacer… (I don’t know what to do anymore…)
Pepa looked at her sleeping daughter through the rear-view mirror, she didn’t want her to see her cry. The music, the lyrics…it all reminded her of her own history and her loss. She had heard the song before, but she had never really listened to it, and now she regretted doing so. She had to dry her eyes when she reached a stoplight, it was dangerous to have her vision to blurred while she was driving, but she couldn’t help it.
Sé que piensas que no he sido sincero, (I know you think I haven’t been sincere)
sé que piensas que ya no tengo remedio…(I know you think now I have no choice…)
pero quien me iba a decir (but who was going to tell me)
que sin ti no se vivir… (that I don’t know how to live without you…)
Y ahora que no estas aquí (And now that you’re not here)
me doy cuenta cuanta falta me haces (I realize how much I need you)
She dried her eyes again. She wasn’t going to cry, she had promised herself. She alone was responsible for what happened, and she alone would fix it. The chorus, with its more animated music and more hopeful lyrics, told her what she already knew: she was going to ask for forgiveness in all the ways she could, and she was going to open her heart to be completely sincere. She wasn’t going to give up.
Si te he fallado te pido perdón de la única forma que sé (If I’ve failed you I’ll apologize the only way I know how)
abriendo las puertas de mi corazón para cuando decidas volver. (opening the doors of my heart for when you decide to return.)
Porque nunca habrá nadie que pueda llenar el vacío que dejaste en mí. (Because there will never be anybody who could fill the emptiness you left in me.)
Has cambiando mi vida, me has hecho crecer, es que no soy el mismo de ayer (You’ve changed my life, you’ve made me grow, I’m not the same person as before)
Un día es un siglo sin ti (One day is a century without you)
Let the reconquest begin.
Links to the original story:
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8481210-por-si-eramos-pocos-01-11-09-23-40/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8680673-por-si-eramos-pocos-ii-28-11-09-21-35/
http://pepaysilvia.mforos.com/1469855/8848739-por-si-eramos-pocos-iii-14-02-10-0-55-finalizado/