Growin' up nowadays
I definitely grew up with a family that doesn't "express emotions" that doesn't talk about issues that doesn't cry.
I grew up 'knowing' that girls could cry and guys really shouldn't. --> it was a sign of both 'unmanliness' and weakness which i guess were the same thing.
Weakness has been something i've toyed around with a lot.
The whole 'pimp' - ho relationship which is supposed to be the thing all guys have with all girls seems kinda ridiculous. A friend of mine 'raps' about me and says shit about how i'm the "pimp" of the school(jokingly of course as my record at school does not evoke 'pimp' status) but thinking about it..what kinda compliment is that?
I use women to make $---> i probably take a lot of $ give very little to the women who are having sex w/ other men (i'm also most likely having sex with these women no?)
Even away from that stuff there's so much societal pressure that we don't even really recognize. It's that movie where the guy's holding the girl's head to his chest, comforting her as she cries. When lovers part their ways (airport perhaps?) and the woman is crying and the man isn't. Yes, you could argue it's a 'weak' or negative aspect of women but i dont think that's what it is. It's a ridiculous attitude of men.
I have had the urge to cry at times, but even alone in my own home in my room i have fought it off - cuz it's not 'manly?' cuz it's 'weak'?
I've desensitized myself. I see dead people on TV, i take my sister to the airport and she goes on a plane to Tanzania...she's not gonna be here for my graduation/she's not gonna be here when i turn 18 - my family's not having a meal together till probably late august....
but i don't care and it seems like there's something inheritantly wrong with that.
I also HATE when ppl try to make me express emotion. I can't stand those shows where every1 talks about their problems and they have a big "i'm sorry" session. I hate it when ppl tell me I have to talk to them or show them how they feel. I've had friends and known they've been upset and been there for them. I just don't really WANT some1 to "be there for me." It's not that they can't, it's that i don't want it. Ppl have told me i don't "let them in" at least all the way. and that's true - even those that know me extroardinarily well have barely brushed the inner me. and it's not a facade i put up, it's not me hiding stuff - it's just not talking about it.
Ppl tell me "if u don't express it u'll explode later" or "u'll be seeing a psychiatrist later" or even tame things like "u should talk about it with some1" and THAt pisses me off.
i read a poem and i like it or i don't. sometimes it hits me hard, same with a song. but emotionally i feel i just don't care as much as other ppl. and that is something i fear. not apathy exactly but getting towards it.
(ok so that was like 50 thoughts in one and if you try to psychoanalyze this or relate to something I will find you and kill you....actually I will sacrifice you in the name of the Hizzouse of Atheism...so beware...note: previous joke only understood by arty- u shouldn't get it
I grew up 'knowing' that girls could cry and guys really shouldn't. --> it was a sign of both 'unmanliness' and weakness which i guess were the same thing.
Weakness has been something i've toyed around with a lot.
The whole 'pimp' - ho relationship which is supposed to be the thing all guys have with all girls seems kinda ridiculous. A friend of mine 'raps' about me and says shit about how i'm the "pimp" of the school(jokingly of course as my record at school does not evoke 'pimp' status) but thinking about it..what kinda compliment is that?
I use women to make $---> i probably take a lot of $ give very little to the women who are having sex w/ other men (i'm also most likely having sex with these women no?)
Even away from that stuff there's so much societal pressure that we don't even really recognize. It's that movie where the guy's holding the girl's head to his chest, comforting her as she cries. When lovers part their ways (airport perhaps?) and the woman is crying and the man isn't. Yes, you could argue it's a 'weak' or negative aspect of women but i dont think that's what it is. It's a ridiculous attitude of men.
I have had the urge to cry at times, but even alone in my own home in my room i have fought it off - cuz it's not 'manly?' cuz it's 'weak'?
I've desensitized myself. I see dead people on TV, i take my sister to the airport and she goes on a plane to Tanzania...she's not gonna be here for my graduation/she's not gonna be here when i turn 18 - my family's not having a meal together till probably late august....
but i don't care and it seems like there's something inheritantly wrong with that.
I also HATE when ppl try to make me express emotion. I can't stand those shows where every1 talks about their problems and they have a big "i'm sorry" session. I hate it when ppl tell me I have to talk to them or show them how they feel. I've had friends and known they've been upset and been there for them. I just don't really WANT some1 to "be there for me." It's not that they can't, it's that i don't want it. Ppl have told me i don't "let them in" at least all the way. and that's true - even those that know me extroardinarily well have barely brushed the inner me. and it's not a facade i put up, it's not me hiding stuff - it's just not talking about it.
Ppl tell me "if u don't express it u'll explode later" or "u'll be seeing a psychiatrist later" or even tame things like "u should talk about it with some1" and THAt pisses me off.
i read a poem and i like it or i don't. sometimes it hits me hard, same with a song. but emotionally i feel i just don't care as much as other ppl. and that is something i fear. not apathy exactly but getting towards it.
(ok so that was like 50 thoughts in one and if you try to psychoanalyze this or relate to something I will find you and kill you....actually I will sacrifice you in the name of the Hizzouse of Atheism...so beware...note: previous joke only understood by arty- u shouldn't get it