a good head on her shoulders
Sensible comments from Darlene dated 6 November 2016, in response to "Why would someone have no friends?":
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I’ve never met anyone with the fine qualities you both mention above who didn’t have friends.
Yes, it’s possible that a quality person such as you mention could be looking for for friends in the wrong places and meeting rejection because those people don’t feel like they have anything in common. That is one scenario. There are also groups of people who are cliquey, for sure.
But…..I have to say that, barring the above examples, there is always a reason someone is consistently having a problem making friends. That is NOT a blame statement, I used to be in that position myself, with no friends whatsoever. There is always a reason and it isn’t productive to assume the rest of the world is at fault.
What worked for me was to look clearly and objectively at myself. I’m a loyal, friendly person, with lots of interests and very fair to others. Always have been. I was also someone who talked too much, talked too much about myself, bit of a know-it-all, ignored the body language of others and was desperate and insecure. Not good friendship material. I both attracted, then drove people off over and over. I had to fix those specific things about myself (be a friend) to finally make friends.
I didn’t do it by being hard on myself, or on others, but simply trying to look at what I was doing honestly and trying to learn from it. I’m not perfect, but I don’t have to be, the balance of good and bad is about where it should be now.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I’ve never met anyone with the fine qualities you both mention above who didn’t have friends.
Yes, it’s possible that a quality person such as you mention could be looking for for friends in the wrong places and meeting rejection because those people don’t feel like they have anything in common. That is one scenario. There are also groups of people who are cliquey, for sure.
But…..I have to say that, barring the above examples, there is always a reason someone is consistently having a problem making friends. That is NOT a blame statement, I used to be in that position myself, with no friends whatsoever. There is always a reason and it isn’t productive to assume the rest of the world is at fault.
What worked for me was to look clearly and objectively at myself. I’m a loyal, friendly person, with lots of interests and very fair to others. Always have been. I was also someone who talked too much, talked too much about myself, bit of a know-it-all, ignored the body language of others and was desperate and insecure. Not good friendship material. I both attracted, then drove people off over and over. I had to fix those specific things about myself (be a friend) to finally make friends.
I didn’t do it by being hard on myself, or on others, but simply trying to look at what I was doing honestly and trying to learn from it. I’m not perfect, but I don’t have to be, the balance of good and bad is about where it should be now.