The novelization that is my life
So, I've decided to take a little look at my life. My main question was; If my life was a novel, would it be an interesting read? And I came to the conclusion that no, no it would not. So I've decided to embellish the events in my life so that people will be captivated and awed and want to give me money.
Okay, so about a week or two ago I caught a thief at my place of work (Future Shop for those not in the know), here's how it went down:
It was a cold and unforgiving night. The rain was coming down hard, like nature was trying to wash clean the face of the earth. I was patrolling my area as ordered to by the higher ups. I knew of the wrath that would be visited upon me if I were to break from my patrol, so I made damn sure to stay on course while keeping an eye peeled for anyone that might be considered a threat.
I'd been on patrol for hours and the exhaustion was staring to get to me. I knew I had to keep going as the fate of an entire company rested on my broad, chiseled shoulders.
I noticed a man walk into my zone that made me take notice. This man was a behemoth, so tall he'd have to duck to walk under the lions gate bridge. So muscular that he'd make the most 'roided out athlete hang his head in shame. But I think the one item that made me truly take notice was the six-foot long broadsword attached to his back.
I approached this behemoth of a man with cautious trepidation. I asked him what his business was in my territory. He assured me that his intentions were noble and having no proof to the contrary I allowed him in, making sure to keep a close watch on his activities.
Because of my vigilant study of this new threat, I failed to notice another intruder that had encroached in my territory. However, I was pleasantly surprised when this new possible threat showed knowledge in protocol and approached me for assistance. I was able to point him in the right direction, which would lead him back out of my territory.
While engaged with this other person, my exceptional hearing picked up something strange coming from the direction of the behemoth. Realizing that I had allowed myself to be distracted, I raced back to my post hoping that I could stop what ever might be taking place.
Reaching my post, I found a strange calm. It was the kind of calm you might witness just before the flash of a nuclear bomb. I asked the behemoth if he had noticed anything strange, and in a deep gravely timbre that could only be described as the voice of unspeakable evil, he told me that he hadn't witnessed anything out of the ordinary. It didn't take me much imagination to see that he was lying, so I continued my surveillance. As I watched him even more intently my uncanny vision noticed a small bead of sweat trace it's way down the side of his face and shortly after, he began to exit my area.
I followed at a distance, making sure to not raise his suspicion. I watched as he passed through our gates, and as he did, he set off a wailing alarm, the chase was on. I sprinted towards him, trying to close in on him before he noticed me, but it was too late. He charged away, his massive legs carrying him at a speed that almost matched mine. He ducked in and out of shops, using any obstruction he could to slow my pursuit. I was able to deftly dodge many and break through others. After what seemed like an eternity chasing him, I finally had him. He was cornered
Breathing heavily from the chase and the adrenaline surging through my veins, I demanded the return what he had took. His muscles tensed as he answered my order by drawing the large sword from his back. Knowing I had no weapon to match his but the skills I had learned from many masters of the martial arts, I readied myself for the onslaught. He lunged forward with the sword raised, I jumped just in time to see the sword split the earth where I had been standing. I came down with a clenched fist that connected with his thick skull and made him stagger backwards slightly. Seeing this, I knew that I could hurt him and pressed my attack. Once more the sword cut through the air but I was able to duck quickly enough to avoid it. Unfortunately, I didn't account for the shock wave that followed it and was knocked back several feet. He lunged forward once again with his sword raised high. I immediately dodge to one side as the sword cleaved the ground. As he tried to raise the sword from the ground, I took the momentary lull in his attack to land several powerful blows on his head. It was enough to cause his massive hands to release the sword. I kicked him with as much force as I could muster and was able to force him back a few steps. Seeing my opening, I charged forward with my next and final attack. I moved as fast as my legs would allow clenched my fists and leapt into the air, I came down with both of my fists on the top of the behemoths head and watched him crumple to the ground.
Dragging his unconscious body back to a holding area, I informed my bosses about what had happened and left the rest up for them to decide. I returned to my post a little sore, but ready to complete my tour.
So there you have it. I hope it left you captivated and awed. And hey if it made you want to give me money, don't let me stop you...
Okay, so about a week or two ago I caught a thief at my place of work (Future Shop for those not in the know), here's how it went down:
It was a cold and unforgiving night. The rain was coming down hard, like nature was trying to wash clean the face of the earth. I was patrolling my area as ordered to by the higher ups. I knew of the wrath that would be visited upon me if I were to break from my patrol, so I made damn sure to stay on course while keeping an eye peeled for anyone that might be considered a threat.
I'd been on patrol for hours and the exhaustion was staring to get to me. I knew I had to keep going as the fate of an entire company rested on my broad, chiseled shoulders.
I noticed a man walk into my zone that made me take notice. This man was a behemoth, so tall he'd have to duck to walk under the lions gate bridge. So muscular that he'd make the most 'roided out athlete hang his head in shame. But I think the one item that made me truly take notice was the six-foot long broadsword attached to his back.
I approached this behemoth of a man with cautious trepidation. I asked him what his business was in my territory. He assured me that his intentions were noble and having no proof to the contrary I allowed him in, making sure to keep a close watch on his activities.
Because of my vigilant study of this new threat, I failed to notice another intruder that had encroached in my territory. However, I was pleasantly surprised when this new possible threat showed knowledge in protocol and approached me for assistance. I was able to point him in the right direction, which would lead him back out of my territory.
While engaged with this other person, my exceptional hearing picked up something strange coming from the direction of the behemoth. Realizing that I had allowed myself to be distracted, I raced back to my post hoping that I could stop what ever might be taking place.
Reaching my post, I found a strange calm. It was the kind of calm you might witness just before the flash of a nuclear bomb. I asked the behemoth if he had noticed anything strange, and in a deep gravely timbre that could only be described as the voice of unspeakable evil, he told me that he hadn't witnessed anything out of the ordinary. It didn't take me much imagination to see that he was lying, so I continued my surveillance. As I watched him even more intently my uncanny vision noticed a small bead of sweat trace it's way down the side of his face and shortly after, he began to exit my area.
I followed at a distance, making sure to not raise his suspicion. I watched as he passed through our gates, and as he did, he set off a wailing alarm, the chase was on. I sprinted towards him, trying to close in on him before he noticed me, but it was too late. He charged away, his massive legs carrying him at a speed that almost matched mine. He ducked in and out of shops, using any obstruction he could to slow my pursuit. I was able to deftly dodge many and break through others. After what seemed like an eternity chasing him, I finally had him. He was cornered
Breathing heavily from the chase and the adrenaline surging through my veins, I demanded the return what he had took. His muscles tensed as he answered my order by drawing the large sword from his back. Knowing I had no weapon to match his but the skills I had learned from many masters of the martial arts, I readied myself for the onslaught. He lunged forward with the sword raised, I jumped just in time to see the sword split the earth where I had been standing. I came down with a clenched fist that connected with his thick skull and made him stagger backwards slightly. Seeing this, I knew that I could hurt him and pressed my attack. Once more the sword cut through the air but I was able to duck quickly enough to avoid it. Unfortunately, I didn't account for the shock wave that followed it and was knocked back several feet. He lunged forward once again with his sword raised high. I immediately dodge to one side as the sword cleaved the ground. As he tried to raise the sword from the ground, I took the momentary lull in his attack to land several powerful blows on his head. It was enough to cause his massive hands to release the sword. I kicked him with as much force as I could muster and was able to force him back a few steps. Seeing my opening, I charged forward with my next and final attack. I moved as fast as my legs would allow clenched my fists and leapt into the air, I came down with both of my fists on the top of the behemoths head and watched him crumple to the ground.
Dragging his unconscious body back to a holding area, I informed my bosses about what had happened and left the rest up for them to decide. I returned to my post a little sore, but ready to complete my tour.
So there you have it. I hope it left you captivated and awed. And hey if it made you want to give me money, don't let me stop you...