birthdays should involve adventure

[pensky]

my adventure was climbing as many trees as possible. although, this adventure did interfere with my previous goal of getting as drunk as possible. as the night goes on, the probability of falling out of a tree exponentially rises, and soon you're left on the footstep of your apartment, laying on your back, and wondering how this all happened. you wake up the next day and your tongue is bruised because you bit into it upon impact. it's your twenty-third birthday.

also, the next day, some asshole in a pink dress shirt and a suit will tour your apartment, and you'll think he's a dick.