(no subject)
Last night went pretty much as I expected it too, only it kinda stung a lot worse than anticipated. I keep forgetting that these walls I build up are not truly there. They're just an image for other people to see. I made the mistake of living in these lies and believing them.
A tragic night couldn't have ended without at least a little bit of craziness, and that's definitely what happened. I only got to sleep for moments, that couldn't have amounted to over an hour or so. Right now I am exhausted and know I will pass out the moment my head hits the pillow. I keep waiting up though. I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to wait. For something. And I'm sitting here all anxious and loopy and trying to figure out the thoughts jumbled in my head and I know that there is absolutely nothing to wait for right now. I could sit here the entire night and there will still be nothing.
Life is slowly winding backward to its normal place. It's kind of a relief going back to the feelings I've always known. At the same time I want to fight it. I want to find a path in life that I really enjoy. One where I don't need to always be running, or waiting. That's what I've always done. Run or Wait. Run or Wait. Run or Wait. I need that middle ground. I want something worth just staying and living for. No running. No waiting. Just being.
A tragic night couldn't have ended without at least a little bit of craziness, and that's definitely what happened. I only got to sleep for moments, that couldn't have amounted to over an hour or so. Right now I am exhausted and know I will pass out the moment my head hits the pillow. I keep waiting up though. I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to wait. For something. And I'm sitting here all anxious and loopy and trying to figure out the thoughts jumbled in my head and I know that there is absolutely nothing to wait for right now. I could sit here the entire night and there will still be nothing.
Life is slowly winding backward to its normal place. It's kind of a relief going back to the feelings I've always known. At the same time I want to fight it. I want to find a path in life that I really enjoy. One where I don't need to always be running, or waiting. That's what I've always done. Run or Wait. Run or Wait. Run or Wait. I need that middle ground. I want something worth just staying and living for. No running. No waiting. Just being.