I only wanted ONE gift for my b-day, and I didn't get it...

Mar 04, 2005 12:49

*sniff sniff*

Won't someone please buy me this?

What Mike wants for his b-day

I promise to love you FOREVER! Or maybe shoot you with my laser gun. One of the two, but either would be SOOOOOOO cool! *nod nod*

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pensivebard March 10 2005, 05:56:07 UTC
I am afraid that the team for my adventures (post-gift receiving) has already been decided. You see....In 1992, a crack alcoholic unit was sent to prison by a Renaissance Kangaroo court, for a crime it did not commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Miami underground. Today, still wanted by the Republic of Marzipan for their activities in the Grand Panty Raid of '91, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem... if no one else can help... and if you can find them... maybe you can hire The Chessmaster-Team.
Starring...

Michael Patino
'I love it when a plan comes together.'

Cigar-chewing Mike is the leader of the motley, rag-tag group. When there's no soldier-of-fortuning to be done, he usually gets a job as a rabid panhandling street bum just off the 8th street railroad tracks, or something of the sort. He's a master of disguise. He can look like anyone - an old lady, a tramp, a barman, a doddery old man - you name it, he's looked like it. He is the brains of the group, and as the quote suggests, he's the one that comes up with the crazy-sounding plans.

BA Baralou
'I ain't flyin... crazy fool.'

BA Baralou, otherwise known as Louis Guyon, loaded down with all quite a bit of extra weight and the attitude to use it, is the bad man with the big heart. BA, which stands for 'Bad Attitude', is the tinkerer and bodgerer of the group. If you need something made - or changed into an armoured vehicle - out of little more than scrap, then he is your man. He could build anything out of garbage; he puts Pimp My Ride to shame. BA's foible is that he hates flying, so when the Chessmaster-Team needs to fly somewhere, they have to knock him out first, usually with a spiked hamburger. He also drinks large quantities of milk.

Face (Keith)

Face is the scrounger of the group, a con man if you will. If something needs to be found, or the bad guys' stronghold infiltrated, then it's Face who can do it. He doesn't have a catchphrase as such, but his signature characteristic is that he has a weakness for women and fine living that often gets him into trouble. Ironically, he is the only member of the crack alcoholic unit that does NOT drink! He claims "it hurts my skillz with da ladies!"

HM Murcrow

'Howlin' Mad' Murcrow, otherwise known as Scarecrow, is the oddball of the group. He was not actually a member of the team in their early Miami exploits, but served as their punching bag and human stress relief ball, thus resulting in his multiple psychological disorders after surviving multiple beatings (somehow). As an underage member of the group, he is occasioanlly used as their designated driver and... of course, punching bag. Always a punching bag. As an aside, Murcriw has an invisible dog called Billy, and his antics constantly irritate BA, who is prone to stuffing him into garbage cans for a few minutes reprieve.

So as you can see, my crack team is already complete! However, if you would like to be a damsel in distress in one of our wacky adventures, just make sure there are few bottles of alcohol around, and we will be there! Now, to just get that truck!

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merry_mischief March 10 2005, 20:24:19 UTC
Haha that story made my life. I don't know, Margie seems too hardcore to be just a damsel in distress.

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atomickittykat March 10 2005, 21:04:49 UTC
i dont see her as much of a damsel... i see her kicking ass instead!

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