growing up fucking sucks
altering your mind to make your thinking process better. indeed.
i have a million and one thoughts right now. and i dont know how to handle them all. so i'm putting them down and therefore i can come back and think about them one at a time. cause my brain only handles one thing at a time now. i'm fucked i know.
i dont believe in god, to some length. i dont talk about god nor politics, because i dont know where i stand. i have somewhat opinions about them, but for the most part I DONT CARE. i dont think about them enough to give a fuck. so what the hell am i to do when your sister finds god and breaks up with her boyfriend. because shes not happy, and believes god is telling her. he's miserable, knowing this is the wrong decision. he has become my brother and best friend. i cried for him tonight. but she's my sister for life, she needs to be happy. i dont understand it. i want them to be happy. i cant be happy let them be. i feel selfish cause i want them to be together because both of them make me happy. i dont understand this.
another thing i dont understand is why i liked a boy who was rude and hurtful to me so long. knowing i liked him, he jerked me around. now i'm almost sure he was using me to build his own esteem. i think he was really insecure. so he sucks. another boy who didnt want me. so basically i dont know what to do anymore. i try not to have thoughts on this also.
basically people are fucked for life. and there's nothing anyone can do. because people make decisions that affect everything in and around their life, which most the time, it fucks everything up. i just dont know whether to live safe and not make decisions and go nowhere in life. avoiding all the hurt. or take the hurt and live life trying to better myself. i watch everyone around me to see and learn from what they do. but never do what i should do.
i cant concentrate anymore.
i have a million and one thoughts right now. and i dont know how to handle them all. so i'm putting them down and therefore i can come back and think about them one at a time. cause my brain only handles one thing at a time now. i'm fucked i know.
i dont believe in god, to some length. i dont talk about god nor politics, because i dont know where i stand. i have somewhat opinions about them, but for the most part I DONT CARE. i dont think about them enough to give a fuck. so what the hell am i to do when your sister finds god and breaks up with her boyfriend. because shes not happy, and believes god is telling her. he's miserable, knowing this is the wrong decision. he has become my brother and best friend. i cried for him tonight. but she's my sister for life, she needs to be happy. i dont understand it. i want them to be happy. i cant be happy let them be. i feel selfish cause i want them to be together because both of them make me happy. i dont understand this.
another thing i dont understand is why i liked a boy who was rude and hurtful to me so long. knowing i liked him, he jerked me around. now i'm almost sure he was using me to build his own esteem. i think he was really insecure. so he sucks. another boy who didnt want me. so basically i dont know what to do anymore. i try not to have thoughts on this also.
basically people are fucked for life. and there's nothing anyone can do. because people make decisions that affect everything in and around their life, which most the time, it fucks everything up. i just dont know whether to live safe and not make decisions and go nowhere in life. avoiding all the hurt. or take the hurt and live life trying to better myself. i watch everyone around me to see and learn from what they do. but never do what i should do.
i cant concentrate anymore.